"I'll drive you home," Ki Chan offered following her from behind closely so that if she fell he could catch her. 

Namjoo felt her body sway from side to side and she nearly stumbled off the walk before he grabbed her arms. 

"I said I'm fine," Namjoo shrugged him off and drunkenly walked toward her car. 

"You can't drive in your state," Ki Chan tried, but Namjoo unlocked her car and pushed him back. 

Holding a finger out to warn him she mumbled, "Don't you dare stop me."

Pulling her feet in she closed the door, started the engine, and drove off. 

There was an excruciating headache pounding her skull the next morning. Her stomach was completely empty and the whole world seemed to be spinning. Stumbling into her kitchen she tucked some soup into the microwave and sat down resting her head into her hands. The phone started ringing a moment later interrupting her moment of peace. 

She reached for it with closed eyes and pressed it to her ear expecting it to be from home or work; even worse, Ki Chan. 

"Namjoo."

Her eyes opened immediately and her pulse raced. Forgetting the surging headache she rose to her feet; the chair loudly scrubbing the tiled floor as it moved back.  

Was she dreaming? 

"Hey, it's me."

Namjoo pressed her lips together as Kai's voice hugged her eardrums. While her breath caught in she imagined herself bawling into the phone, telling him how hard it had been for her. And he would understand...he'd coax her with the greatest words of comfort and he'd listen to her cry her heart out. 

"Hi." Namjoo calmly greeted. 

"You changed your number. I couldn't get to you, so I called home." 

"Oh...yea." 

"Did you just wake up?"

"Mm..."

"How are you? Is everything good over there? You've been taking care of yourself? Eating your meals on time?" 

Namjoo wanted to tear up and tell him nothing was good. She wanted to cry and tell him to come home; that she needed him. 

"It's fine," Namjoo replied; an invisible force squeezing her heart. "I'm still healthy, up and about." 

"Are you sure? Dad says you haven't been home in a month. Is everything really ok?"

"Of course," Namjoo sounded enthusiastic all the while her face remained stiff, "you know I can take care of myself. I'll be going home this weekend, so don't worry. Anyway, how are you? Is everything going well?" 

"It's great over here! The air by the ocean is the best! Come over here for vacation. I'll take you sight seeing and shopping," Kai suggested. "You have to come." 

"I'll keep that in mind." 

"It's good to hear your voice, Namjoo," Kai's voice sounded softer; so near to her. "I'm happy that everything's going well for you. My sister has always been a lucky person." 

Namjoo blinked and pulled on a smile while watching another image of herself cry, "You too."

"I have to get back now. I'm hanging up." 

"Take care," Namjoo bid her farewell, "Kai." 

And when she heard the dead dial tone another part of her heart shattered as she stood there in silence. This...was the way it was supposed to be...from the very beginning to the very end.

Unable to feel her hunger anymore she found herself staring out the window she'd been staring out on a daily basis. Something about how the world moved regardless of her life relaxed her. 

Crossing her arms she leaned into the cold glass. Since she started her independent life it hadn't felt like she'd leapt forward at all. The changes she'd expected in her life were nowhere to be found. Part of the problem was herself. She'd been waiting too long for something that would never happen and look, she was in a jumble mess of pain. 

Even if she thought about letting all the recent events go, part of her was still stubbornly hanging on. She would never be happy like this. Where was the world before she met Luhan? Where did all her drive go? 

Emotionally strained she started toward her room. Pulling a new outfit on she thought to take a cruise around the city to clear her mind and get some fresh air. When she pushed the door open footsteps quickly fell back and discovered Luhan standing on the other side. He looked at her as if guilty.  

"A few minutes, just a few minutes," he pleaded, "I want to tell you something." 

Remaining cool she pushed the door away and turned around to walk back in. After a few steps she turned around to face him. One look at him and she could tell he'd taken to grooming himself well. Compared to the other day he definitely looked more stable. 

"Talk," she began. "I'm listening." 

"I won't lie to you," he started off, "Chae Yoon and I used to be in a relationship and I did love her...a lot, but after I met you I stopped looking for her. It's not because she was your friend, but I realized I just didn't feel the same anymore. You started showing me another side of the world I'd forgotten and in place of the friends I lost, I got you instead. You...were a great comfort to me."  

Namjoo stared back at him without movement in her stiff expression.  

"I'm sorry, I should have said something, but things...it just turned out like this." 

"Ok," Namjoo nodded. "So what? Should I say I forgive you in order for you to let it go?" 

He looked at her in a way as if he hadn't expected to hear that. 

Pressing her lips together she went on, "You and Chae Yoon, I don't care about that. I've decided not to think about it anymore. Why should two insignificant others affect my life, right?" 

She waited for him to say something, but he didn't. She took it as she had surprised him. 

"If that's all, you know the way out." Namjoo gestured toward the door.  

Namjoo started to pivot away, but Luhan called out, "I like you. I really like you." 

Her heel landed heavily on the ground and when she wanted to move her feet wouldn't budge. He was lying. How could she believe him now? But she could hear her heart weeping, its fangs sinking into her whole; begging her to take a chance and trust him again. 

Without thinking she turned and looked at him. She regretted meeting eyes with him immediately. They were of the man she used to spend hours with, sometimes even nights with. The way he had offered her his shoes, his clothes to wear, and his place to stay had deeply touched her heart...and it still did. The very memory of waking up to his food and enjoying a meal with him made her want to cry, because they had been some of the best moments. 

She wanted to cry because she felt cheated and because she would never get treated the same way from anyone else. She wanted to cry because she still wanted his special treatment. And she wanted to cry because it had made her feel loved, but all of that had been coated with lies hidden under a mask of pretense.  

All she had left was a misery and pain that tortured her day and night.  

While another part of her heavily cried, she just stood there staring straight into his eyes; searching beyond oblivion. Maybe she was searching him to find any flaws he was hiding; something that would show her he was tricking her.

There was nothing. 

"I," he continued, "really wanted to be serious with you."

The corner of veered up, "You're funny." 

"That day," he started shoving her mock away, "you wanted to say something to me, didn't you?" 

Immediately pressing her teeth together she felt a volcano start to erupt in her chest. The way Chae Yoon had deviously mocked her that day she confessed flashed back. Namjoo was suddenly angrier. She had been belittled, her emotions laughed at.         

"I'm right." Luhan quietly stated. 

Namjoo shook a little from the memory; the anger growing by the second. The emotions surging through her were difficult to sort, but she could feel them coming on heavily.  

She hated this. 

in a deep breath through her nose she smiled, "Yes. I liked you once, but I did wrong. I was a bit of a fool, so don't take it to heart."

Namjoo took a step forward and lifted her head up to look at him. She swore she wouldn't stray from his eyes. Luhan was still watching her without blinking, testing her ability to lie. The kindness she always saw in his face was still there. 

"If you like me the way you once liked Chae Yoon, I'll tell you now I don't want your feelings." Namjoo quietly clarified. "You, who once belonged to Chae Yoon, is not an option for me. I don't pick up after my friend. Oh wait, Chae Yoon isn't a friend anymore, but since she used to be I can't take you as an option anyway. I've decided not to get mixed with common people from now on. My family has pride I have to uphold. Unless you're from the business class or own your corporation, I don't think we'd ever look good together." 

Luhan's brow twitched and his lips fell apart. 

"Luhan," Namjoo called his name hoping it would kill him inside, "I hope this is the last time we see each other. We never started off well, so ending it like this doesn't sound too bad. Take care."

"Are you...serious?" Luhan asked, stubborn to hold on. "Losing me as a friend won't matter to you?"

"Yes," Namjoo replied with a straight face. "I regret ever coming to you." 

Luhan held her eyes for another long moment and finally nodded. His expression constricted a little and his eyes darted to the side.                                                                  
"Ok," he said. "Ok." 

Namjoo gulped and stiffly watched as he started toward the door, pause momentarily, and finally walked out. Once the door closed she stared at it only conscious of her boiling rage. She wouldn't feel sad, she wouldn't be disappointed now or in the future.   

Swerving around she walked off into her room and slammed the door. 

"====="                         

The door closed behind him softly, but Luhan couldn't take a step further. He couldn't leave Namjoo's world. She had to be lying, she had to be! 

Anxiety swallowed him up as he continued standing back to back with the door. Namjoo's face had never looked so strained before. What kind of feelings had been underlying that straight face of hers? She had sounded so naturally upset, yet neutral as if what he'd said hadn't reached her ears. 

Exactly how did she feel right now? Was she even more hurt or did she...really want to forget it all? 

As much as the pain growing within him, he would have to try even harder until Namjoo would come out of her shell. He believed he hadn't totally destroyed her as Ki Chan had said. He wouldn't have destroyed her the way Kai had either. He was still here by her side and he was still waiting.  

Namjoo, this fragile person, was just in hiding.

"====="

While sitting alone in his apartment he had to think of all the times Chae Yoon wanted to provoke him by telling him about Namjoo and Luhan. It was true that he knew Namjoo longest compared to Luhan; he knew her family, her friends, and her hobbies; what she liked and disliked. But he didn't know who her first love was, he didn't know what kind of dates she kept ideal, or what kind of men she was interested in.  

The maps and the mazes in her heart had never been shown to him. He had ever known that he'd liked her. He'd only ever seen the exterior relationship with her siblings and her parents, but he didn't know whether they'd given her any grievances - if they got along behind the scenes or not. He never questioned her upbringing and Namjoo had never shared it with him.  

Ki Chan only knew her as he saw her, but he didn't know her depth.  

That man, Luhan, had gotten so close to her in such a short period of time. Namjoo's comforts and discomforts were in his knowledge. All of her was in his knowledge.  

Namjoo was only this way because of Luhan, not him or Chae Yoon, but Luhan. Ki Chan hated to admit it, but because it had started because of Luhan it only meant he had the biggest spot in her heart.  

Throughout all the years he'd been beside Namjoo he hadn't been able to move her as much as Luhan.  

The medicine to Namjoo's heart wasn't alcohol or apologies, but Luhan.  

"====="

Luhan was busy pulling his keys out of his pocket when he started up the walk toward his house. Lifting his head up brought him to a stop when he saw Ki Chan staring up at the apartment building. Now that Chae Yoon hadn't stopped by in a couple of days this person had come in place of her.  

Turning around with his hand shielding his eyes from the sun Ki Chan greeted, "This where you live?"  

Luhan eyed him suspiciously.  

Propping a smile onto his face he asked, "You going up? Can I come with?"  

Unable to be rude and decline, Luhan allowed the man to follow him up the stairs. Ki Chan curiously peered around the aged walls still in good condition as they walked along the hall. When they finally entered his apartment Ki Chan still looked amazed as if he didn't know such buildings still existed.  

Pulling a bottle of cold water from the fridge he placed it in front of Ki Chan who was now sitting at the table.  

"What brings you here?" Luhan questioned hoping that he'd make it quick, because he had to go see Namjoo.  

"So quick to get on topic, huh?" Ki Chan asked and the way his eyes smiled irritated Luhan.  

Unscrewing the lid of the bottle he took a long sip before finally setting it down and nodded his head toward the chair.  

"You're not going to sit?" Ki Chan asked. "I'm not intruding on you on purpose."  

Pulling the seat out he sat down, "Now what?"  

"You seen Namjoo lately?"  

Luhan wondered if Namjoo had complained to him and ordered him to come set things straight with him.  

"Why? Are you here to warn me again?" Luhan questioned to which Ki Chan smiled.

Seeing that smile irked him even more. 

"Namjoo's going home this weekend for dinner with her family," Ki Chan started, "she asked me to go along with her, but I don't plan on it, so why don't you go in my place?"

Luhan felt his eyes narrow.  

"Why don't you prove to me that I'm wrong?"

***As perfect as a person Namjoo might seem she has imperfections too. She's still learning how to accept and let go. Kai, you can say, is her biggest teacher.

***About four more chapters left!!!