“=====”

Namjoo’s voice droned in and out of his ears as they walked along the hallways of Myung Woo Hospital. This was much of a larger hospital than he’d thought and he was glad Namjoo was working in such a reputable place. She deserved the best treatment from anyone and everyone.

Kai liked waking up to Namjoo’s greeting. He liked the way her hair remained a little messy as she walked toward him and smiled while making conversation; where sleep was still apparent in her eyes. He liked how she’d grown up so independently that it seemed as if she could do anything by herself; she was capable and outgoing. He liked the woman she’d become and he most liked Namjoo for being who she was. He liked everything about her. She was beautiful, inside and outside.

Everything about her made his heart flutter.

Kai wanted to embrace her many times, but couldn’t. He’d imagined the soft of her hair pressing into the outline of his neck many times. If he could hold her just once he would be glad enough to die.

He had come back expecting to spend lots of time together with her to make up for the years they lost growing up together. Kai wanted better memories and fun conversations. It didn’t matter that he was joining his mother’s company so long as he’d be able to stay in Korea.

Kai just wanted to be in a reachable distance of Namjoo. The hard times she’d suffered alone, he wanted to know of them and share the upcoming ones with her. He’d do anything to be the shoulder she could lean on, he’d offer his neck for her to cry into, and he’d talk her to sleep. For all that she lacked and needed, he most wanted to give it to her.

Namjoo was so precious.

“Do you see blood daily?” Kai asked.

“Why? Want to experience it with me? Just tell mom and have her transfer you here,” Namjoo joked.

“You think that’s funny?”

“Yes,” Namjoo smiled. “I should get going now. You remember the way out right? Just ride the elevator down.”

“Have fun,” he urged. “I’ll see you later.”

Namjoo waved to him before running down the corridor and he made sure to smile at her the whole time while waving.

She must’ve been really tired, he thought, even if she made sure to look bright. It made him feel awful that she worked late some nights and came home to unhealthy instant foods. Namjoo was always alone, unable to rely on anyone.

If he didn’t take care of her, who would?

“=====”

“Do you think she’ll pay attention to you now that she has her brother?! Should I outline to you how special their relationship is?!”

The day’s sunlight just kept getting brighter and the more it beamed in through the glass the more Luhan felt like he was standing in some kind of blaring white dimension. Squinting his eyes he turned away when the customer walked out and opened his eyes seconds later to stare the computer.

For some insane reason Chae Yoon’s words were still making rounds inside his head. There was no reason for him to be thinking about what Chae Yoon was saying, since all her words now were without weight.

Was he irritated? At what? Because she’d stopped by? Was that why he kept thinking about it?

It didn’t feel like the case.

Pressing his lower lip together stared at the bandage on his wrist carefully hidden underneath his sleeve.

“I liked him. I still do.”

Was he really disturbed over what Namjoo was feeling for someone who was practically her sibling? Or was Chae Yoon just getting to him?

Yes, indeed, it wasn’t right.

That was practically on her part. She should know better, but considering how she continued to interact with Kai…it made him think she didn’t care at all.

Did Namjoo not realize that she was really making herself obvious? If anyone ever said anything to her regarding her and Kai…how shameful she’d be. Luhan felt like he had to remind her that she was family with that guy. She needed to know where she stood if she didn’t want rumors spreading behind her back.  

The kindhearted Namjoo he knew…wasn’t like this.

After being relieved of his shift he headed toward Myung Woo Hospital for a change of bandage. It didn’t take him long to find Namjoo returning something to the reception desk and taking up chatter with the girl behind it. Thanks to the girl behind the desk gesturing her head toward him Namjoo finally turned.

He thought she still looked the same as ever, but glowed a little bit more than usual.

“What are you doing here?” Namjoo greeted. “Did you need something?”

“Can you get my bandage changed?” Luhan asked.

Namjoo looked like she was going to say something, maybe mention the extra ones she’d given him but didn’t.

“Alright then,” Namjoo gave in and led him to a quick treatment room where she pulled out some white bandages from the drawer.

“Did you just get out of work?” Namjoo asked sitting down with him.

“Yea,” he replied unclipping the sleeve button to roll it up for her. “When are you done?”

“Why? You want something to eat?”

“Well…”

Namjoo just smiled up at him as she used to and started unwrapping his bandage. The longer Luhan watched the more he didn’t understand where she was coming from. Why exactly was she so interested in someone who was her step-brother?

It was wrong…the picture was just all wrong. He couldn’t imagine this girl…this nurse in front of him he’d met…this nurse who was so giving falling head over heels for her brother!

Namjoo never looked like that kind of despicable person to him.

So how…

Luhan just had this big urge to tell her, to put her in place and make her realize she was doing this all the wrong way.

“Namjoo,” Luhan began.

Namjoo raised her brow to await him.

“About your brother, Kai,” Luhan continued only to see her lift her head up to meet with his eyes. “Don’t you think…it’s not right? I…I’m just saying, it’s a shameful thing and it’ll hurt your family. You shouldn’t like him like that. This might become an embarrassment for you someday. Kai, he’s your brother, you know?”

Namjoo’s face immediately stilled and he couldn’t read the emotions there whatsoever. Namjoo just basically stared at him with her eyes burning into his irises. Luhan almost gulped, but Namjoo lowered her head down very quietly to finish wrapping the bandage around his wrist. Then without word stood up and closed the drawer somewhat loudly before heading toward the door.

“I don’t think you’re in the place to be saying that to me,” Namjoo spoke without turning around to look at him. “I didn’t think you were that inconsiderate, but that was rude.”

There was yet a moment of silence to pass through the room coldly.

“Don’t come to my workplace anymore, I know you still have some bandages at your place,” Namjoo finished. “I’m…really disappointed. I really thought there was someone else in this world I could trust.”

Sliding the door open she stepped out and he listened to it close behind her very gently.

This heavyweight started forming in his chest and Luhan suddenly felt unexpectedly worse than what he’d expected.

“=====”

Namjoo could feel it fuming in her chest; this surmounting anger mixed with feelings of sadness.

Luhan had said “shameful”; he’d assumed she was a shameful being. He’d made assumptions about her…and Namjoo thought that made her angriest.

Biting her tongue she continued to walk down the hallway angry with him…with herself. She couldn’t believe he’d actually said those words right to her face. Luhan, who had the guts to tell her that right to her face!

He was really unbelievable. How could he?

Well he wasn’t any better than her…

Coming to a halt in her steps Namjoo dug her fingertips into her palm.

No, she knew where she stood. She knew her grounds. She didn’t have to compare herself to Luhan or belittle him to make herself feel better. She was much better than that.

Namjoo would let this go, she would just forget it. Luhan’s words weren’t worth her anger. Besides, she had a much better night to look forward to.

Pressing her lips into a firm line she slowly started down the hall.

Kai was waiting for her out front as promised. Namjoo eagerly joined him, all the day’s events disappearing from her mind the second she saw him.

“How was work?” He asked.

“Not bad,” Namjoo replied walking out with him. “Are you going to treat me out?”

“Loser,” he name-called, “I’ll make you something good tonight.”

“You’re cooking again? Why?”

“It’s best to eat something homemade together; don’t you know it tastes better that way?”

Namjoo stared at him with a flushed smile and happily followed him with her imaginary tail wagging. For the first time, instead of using her own salary to buy what she wanted from the store Kai allowed her to buy what she wanted. And as they bickered over what to have for dinner Namjoo felt that deep inside she was having the most fun of her life.

Around Kai she could sit back and relax, she didn’t have to play the bigger part or be the bigger person. Namjoo wasn’t forced to be mature, she could let loose and be more of herself than she was anywhere. She didn’t have to bear burdens and look for solutions by herself and maybe that was why she liked him so much. With Kai, Namjoo was most free. He let her have fun, he listened to her talk, and he’d always know if something was wrong. He could tell her sighs from her sad smiles, he knew her so well.

It was never like that with anyone else.

With others, Namjoo always played the smarter role. She had to be knowledgeable and she was burdened with being as reputable as her family name. Namjoo always had to be the bigger person, forgive even if she was wronged; hold her disappointment and not speak a word.

Throughout dinner she was free spirited and after dinner lighthearted. The warmth of Kai’s arm brushed against hers as they sat side by side to enjoy the evening’s reruns of variety shows. Laughing in sync with him made her heart jump through loops and nudging each other for fun made her happier. There was someone to enjoy her silent evenings with and someone to poke for fun.

Several hours felt like five minutes. Without being aware the sky outside her window had turned from a dimming blue to a calming black. Namjoo finally awoke when her head slipped forward and realized she’d fallen asleep. When she turned to her left she realized Kai had fallen asleep too. Scanning her eyes over his face brought a smile to her face and instinctively she reached a hand out to touch him.

“About your brother, Kai,” Luhan continued only to see her lift her head up to meet with his eyes. “Don’t you think…it’s not right? I…I’m just saying, it’s a shameful thing and it’ll hurt your family. You shouldn’t like him like that. This might become an embarrassment for you someday. Kai, he’s your brother, you know?”

Before the tips of her fingers met with his alluring face Namjoo suddenly froze.

There was a short pang in her heart and Namjoo felt Luhan’s words sting.

Turning away from Kai she looked away, her insides sinking in sorrow and disappointment.

Of course, she wasn’t dumb. Namjoo knew the consequences; she knew everything.

Why did Luhan have to make her sound as if she was stupid?

Standing up she walked into the kitchen for a glass of water. Namjoo suddenly felt like she needed to rinse her insides out. These kinds of thoughts and feelings…didn’t suit the person she was.

“There you are,” Kai’s voice popped out from behind her.

Surprised by his sudden approach Namjoo spat out the water in and started choking on the water going down . As she started knocking her slight fist against her chest to calm herself down she quickly felt a napkin dabbing her lips dry and a hand patting her back. Looking up brought her straight into Kai’s eyes and her heart dribbling a little faster.

“Sorry, did I scare you?” He asked quite gently. “You should’ve drunk it more slowly. You ok?”

“Oh…I’m good,” Namjoo nodded lightly coughing away.

She felt his hand move from her back and listened to him lightly laugh at her.

“It’s pretty late, huh?” He asked looking at the clock on the wall. “I was enjoying myself so much I forgot to check the time.”

Namjoo shyly lifted her eyes up to look at Kai and watched his lips form a delighted smile when their eyes met. She could hear her heart pitter-pattering inside her ears at the softness of his smile.

He was…so handsome…the epitome of perfection in her eyes. Namjoo really loved looking at him.

“Should we call it a night?” He asked.

“Ok,” Namjoo replied.

“Lets have fun again tomorrow,” he suggested, “but you’re cooking me a meal.”

A joyful laugh fell from her lips and she nodded.

“=====”

Dinner…Luhan couldn’t devour it. It was tasteless in his mouth so for about half an hour he sat there staring at the plate of fried noodles with empty feelings.

Letting out a groan he rubbed his head between his hands and shook his head. There was an invisible hand inside his chest where clouds were forming. Luhan wasn’t feeling as bright as he had any other day. Chae Yoon’s visit that morning ruined more for him, but the visit to the hospital was even worse.

The way Namjoo had indirectly lashed out at him so calmly was starting to irritate him. Instead of telling him off with anger in her voice, she had sounded and remained so unperturbed.

Why…couldn’t she have shown him some anger? Was she always so relaxed?

It would have been better if she lashed out at his immature words. Now that he thought of it, he wasn’t quite sure why he’d even thought he had to tell her what he thought.

Heaving a sigh he leaned his face into his palm and bit his tongue. He would apologize to Namjoo, he’d do it. Maybe he should call her now. Determined he stood up to search for his phone, but as he passed by the glass doors leading to the veranda he realized the sky was dark. It was late, maybe Namjoo was asleep already.

Luhan felt his eyes zoom in toward the glittering stars sparkling like a diamond necklace in the pearl black ocean. Suddenly he wondered if Namjoo was spending time with her brother.

Turning away from the window he glanced down at his phone. No, calling her to apologize was even worse. It wasn’t right to apologize over the phone. Just hearing his voice over the phone would be no good. Luhan would have to do it in person to validate his apology. He had to see Namjoo’s expression as those words of apology came out of his mouth. It was only right that way.

Finally feeling good about his plan he decided he was no longer hungry. Grabbing his pajamas he stepped into the shower ready to turn in for the night. Tomorrow would definitely be a better day.

Luhan couldn’t wait to get rid of his guilt.

He woke up feeling fresh and calmly prepared for work. As the day slowly passed by he trained his eyes on the clock waiting for his shift to end. When it finally did he hurried out and started toward the store. It suddenly popped into his head that he shouldn’t go over empty handed. If he brought a gift with him, maybe Namjoo would light up.

As Luhan slowly arrived on Namjoo’s floor he felt himself grow slightly confident and slightly nervous. He didn’t know her work schedule so he couldn’t be sure if she was in or not. If she wasn’t Luhan thought he’d just try again tomorrow then on another thought, perhaps he should have called her ahead of time.

Oh well, it didn’t matter. He was already there so he’d have to wait and see if she was in.

Walking toward the door Luhan stared down at the keypad beside her door, curious about what her code may be. Taking a breath he rang the doorbell and waited with high hopes.

The door finally opened a few seconds later and Namjoo, as expected, appeared. Her expression looked very empty when she looked up at him and Luhan instinctively clenched onto the small bag of goodies behind him. Suddenly he thought she probably wasn’t very happy to see him.

“Who is it?” A male voice called out.

Luhan felt his eyes move over her shoulder when he saw Kai step out from the kitchen in an apron. All noise around him became deathly silent and when he glanced at Namjoo again he thought he saw for the first time unexpressed discontent.

He probably wasn’t welcomed at the moment, not after what he’d said.

A long moment of hushed quietness befell them before Namjoo suddenly pushed the door open.

Turning away she said, “Come in.”