Chapter 53.- Confessions

"And what did you promise to Hyora?" Eunah asked.

"Well" he folded up his legs on the bed, making Eunah do the same. "You know that I am a kid on the inside, I am always making fun and joking around"

She nodded as she knew that it was the truth.

"Do you look at me as a child?" he asked, worried.

"Sometimes you behave like a real kid, you even whine often" she laughed. "But sometimes you are a real namja"

"That worries me" he said, his tooth hiding, no smile on his lips.

"No need to, you make me laugh a lot" she said. "And that is one of the things that I like the most about you"

"Woah" he eexaggerated a few gestures. "Now I am your personal clown or what?"

"You are so stupid!" she started to laugh.

"Actually this is not a good moment to joke around" he said, looking straight into her eyes. There was a long silence as Eunah looked at him with curious eyes, a little worried that he might be passing through a bad moment. At the same time Hoseok took a deep breath. 

"There is something that I can't get over" he went on. "I just can't stay still" he took her hand and intertwined his fingers with hers as her soft and warm skin welcomed his palm. He took her hand to his mouth and kissed the back of it softly. He then smelled it, trying to capture her essence before caressing it with his thumb. "I have changed a lot since I knew you, and to be honest, I never thought that it would be like this.. that I would ever feel like this" he said with his eyes locked on her hand on his. "For me it has always been a 'what if' and I don't want you to think of me as the person I have been until now, just a friend. Maybe in your eyes I'm probably still a kid, but I really can't get over it"

"Get over what?" she asked, but she already knew what he was meaning and where would the conversation lead to.

"How you laugh in front of me, how beautiful your eyes are, how you look at me, every single thing about you is perfect" he replied now gazing her eyes.. When you look at me you are so beautiful" he breathed.

"Yeah Hoseokkie, you know I like you too, we have talked about this before.."

"It is not that Eunah" he interrupted her. "It is way more than that"

He wanted to explain how he felt so badly, but where could he start from? There were thousands of sentences he would like to say, but no one would ever be descriptive enough to explain the way he felt. His feelings were too big, too deep to be contained on a few syllables. His lips parted and moved some times but no words came out as he didn't find any useful one.

She sat down on the bed folding her legs, so now they could be facing each other, but her hand didn't release his soft bigger one. She knew that she just had to wait, as it was a matter of time that he would go on talking.

"There aren't words to describe it precisely, but more or less.. it feels like.." he blinked a few times, trying to get concentrated. "I feel like I want to hold you all the time, to hug you and be near you, to walk with you arm on my waist as I hug your shoulder, to talk all night long and be the reason behind your smile" he said in a rush. "I want to feed you, I want to play with you, to go to take long walks in the night hand on hand, ..."

"We can do that if you want to" she said, worried that she may be being too reserved with their skinship or tokens of love. "I understand that I am sometimes really reserved with skinship, but understand me, it is my first time having this..."

He smiled for a second before getting serious again. She wasn't understand it at all. It wasn't about skinship.

"I'm not talking only about skinship. I mean that I feel more than just attraction, that I have developed a deep feeling for you that doesn't get satisfied by just looking at you or even holding your hand. I want more" he said.

Okey, now she was dumbfounded. What was he talking about? Hard skinship? That wasn't her style and panic was now clouding her mind. Scenes of what he could mean were now flashing on her thoughts as the terror was slowly progressing. Of course he realised it, as he shook his hands. 

"Don't misunderstand me!" he panicked more than her. "I don't mean what you are thinking!" he sighed heavily while rubbing his eyes in desperation, not knowing how else he would be able to express himself not being to agressive with his words.

"Just talk straight" she whispered, hoping that he might be clear as she put some strands that were falling on her face behind her ears.

"I want to tell you that I want to cherish all of you that I see" he looked at her in the eyes while his hands were now resting on her both cheeks. "I only think of you, all day long, and I bet you feel somehow the same. Please don't try to brush past it like it's nothing" he breathed again. "My members are trying to flirt with other girls, with noonas, they try to get close to other girl groups, but I can't, I don't want to, I can only think of you" 

Eunah couldn't help but look at him with big wide eyes. Was that a kind of love confession? 

"I have a feeling for you that I can't cool down, and I'm not going to play the hard-to-get" he said as his forehead rested on hers. "But I will never put pressure on you, I promised you and I will still fulfil it"

She closed her eyes. How could a man like him be so good to her? But what was even more important, how could she be so lucky to have him there? They weren't even in a relationship but he was always there for her.

"But why do you like me? I am not even.." and she couldn't find a good adjective to describe herself.

"Don't talk senseless" he interrupted her as his nose barely grazed hers.

What was happening was a bit confusing to Eunah. What did he mean with all his words? Was a confession? Or was he just meaning that he wanted more skinship? How about both?

Is he waiting for a kiss? I.. I can't! If he wants a kiss it should be him doing it, I would never do it myself!

Slowly he retracted his face and hands from her, sitting now straight.

"Now is your turn to talk" he sentenced.

"Sorry?" she blinked.

"Yes, I have just confessed, so now I want to know your point of view"

Omo. Talking? about feelings? That wasn't in the plan for the day. 

"I-I am rea-lly bad at expl-plaining myself" she stammered a bit.

"I bet you can do it" he replied.

Explaining would mean telling him that she likes him, and that would mean opening her heart, what would lead to weakness in front of him, susceptibility or even suffering in the end, not to mention that Kai's existence wasn't something that Hoseok knew about.

She sighed. He had been honest, so she would be.

"I feel something for you too" she sai