Chapter 30 – One less problem

“I will ask again, why are you here?” she asked again. That ‘I need you’ sentence wasn’t enough excuse, just sweet words and teary eyes won’t be working.

“Because I really need to be close to you” he said holding her hand tighter.

“You have been ignoring me for days” she said tilting her head to him.

“Yes, and I am not saying that coming here will be enough for convince you that I have done wrong ignoring you, I know it doesn’t prove anything” he said biting his lower lip.

“Prove what? Please Jongin, you don’t have any duty with me” she said pulling her hand out from his.

That movement really hurt to Kai, who was speechless. That girl wasn’t going to be easy to convince. However, he liked that she was showing her true personality for once, she wasn’t the kind of easy girl that he was used to.

“That is what you think, I feel like I have” he frowned, sad.

“Well, you don’t, so you can leave now if you want to, I should be sleeping by now” she said sharply. She didn’t mean to be that harsh, but she didn’t want to make things more complicated. Everything was clear for her: he didn’t care for her any longer as he had been away for a while. He probably was busy with his own business and she wasn’t important for him anymore.

“Do you really want me to leave now?” he asked looking at her right to her eyes.

Of course I don’t, pabo! She thought for herself, but she wouldn’t confess it loud.

“If you want, I will be leaving now” he said while his eyes became watery again.

“If you don’t have anything of my interest to say, please, leave” she said sitting straight. She didn’t want to be without defense or even to think that he was now caring about her. That wouldn’t happen again, that would only make her weak in front of him, and she wasn’t ready for another anxiety attack, and even less in front of him.

“How have you been these last days?” he asked.

“Do you care for me now? You have been away for days without even replying to my message” she said finally showing some anger. Yes, anger was now taking control of her, but she didn’t care to stop it, she just exploded.

“I have always cared of you” he said caressing her hair slowly, remembering those times when they were at the dancing room and she was all for him, all his. Now it felt like they were miles apart and the distance between them were infinite.

“Oh, really?” she widened her yes, slapping his hand out from her hair. “Then, why didn’t His Majesty take five minutes for calling me, or even replying to my message?”

“I needed to be away for a while and think” he said with a husky voice. “I see now that it bothered you, I am sorry”

“Well, in fact I shouldn’t care, I have one less problem without you” she said turning her face to her right. She didn’t want to show him her eyes become teary.

On the other hand, those words were like a dagger to him.

“That is what I am to you? A problem?”

She remained silence. She covered her face with his right hand. She wanted this moment to end, she wanted him to leave her alone with her own feelings, and she wasn’t ready to face a moment like this again.

“Eunah,… I need you. Why would I be here if I wouldn’t miss you? I miss you, and every day I miss you even more”

“Then why did you leave me without a word?” she asked in disbelief.

“We both needed a time apart” he said looking at the floor with a sad look. “But I need you, and I won’t go anywhere from now on, I promise”

“Who do you want to cheat? How on earth could I ever think that you had any interest on me?” she said getting up from the couch exploding in anger. “You are just a sweet talker, a player, you won’t fool me again, you did it once, I even thought that I had feelings for you, and you broke my heart, disappearing. Can you even imagine how bad I have been feeling these last days without you?” she half shouted. Probably, by the moment, all the girls would be awake because of her loud tone.

“I can imagine it, as bad as my days without you” he said lowly, standing on her feet and approaching her slowly. “But Eunah, don’t try to fool your heart, you know as well as I know it, that you need me”

That was too much. How could that rude boy be so mischievous? He even came to her dorm, said sweet words and now he was trying to fool her again?

Slap!

That was the first time for Eunah slapping somebody, and it was hard, she knew it hurt.

He covered his left cheek that now felt like burning.

“Don’t ever try to lie to me again. You are just a player, but I won’t be your toy anymore” she said finally crying her feelings out.

He looked at her directly to her eyes.

Then, time stopped for her. Those teary eyes remained her of her own feelings towards him. She remembered his smile, his beautiful dark eyes looking only at her, his hands helping her to get up when she fainted a long time ago, how careful he was around her, all the messages they sent to each other and finally, the butterflies that she felt on her stomach every morning when they met at the dancing room. He was right, she was trying to cheat her own heart, she needed him and she loved him, but she should be wiser and make him go, whatever the cost is. Now she hated him, she could promise it, but she also loved him. Even though she could forgive him and she would really love to, she was out of control. She found herself lost on her thoughts when she felt his embrace around her.

He couldn’t help but realize of how much he hurt the beautiful girl in front of him. Her beautiful eyes crying, her now broken smile showed him how much he had lost. He thought that being apart from her would help her to feel better, but he was wrong. He didn’t take the right decision and now there was nothing he could do to go back in time. He wanted to hug her, he really wanted to, and without hesitation and without thinking about the risk of being slapped again, he hugged her tighter than ever.

She was shocked when she felt his full embrace around her body. He buried his face on her neck and shoulder, hugging her tight and she felt his eyes crying.

“I am sorry, I am really sorry” he whispered.

She was shocked. What was now supposed to happen? She was ready to hate him, but now everything is turning into what? A tear escaped her eyes.

He caressed her both cheeks with his thumbs, with just a few inches of space between their faces.

“I am really sorry Eunah, would you forgive me? I have been stupid, I shouldn’t have ever left you” he said looking at her right to her eyes.

“I still don’t understand why you left” she said looking at him.

“What happened before you sent me that message a few days ago?” he asked, trying to make her remember about her anxiety attack.

“I was at the SM building…” she tried to remember.

“And what else? Did something special happen that day?” he asked trying harder to make her remember.

“Yes, but, why do you ask?” she shook her head in confusion.

“What happened?” he asked again.

“I can’t tell you” she said shyly.

“Eunah, I was there, I saw everything” he said slowly.

She wasn’t expecting that. She could expect sweet words and asking for forgiveness, but that was too much.

“You were there? What do you mean?” she asked in confusion, stepping back from him.

“I saw you having something like an anxiety crisis…” he started.

She widened her eyes, was he really there? She felt ashamed in just one second, feeling her cheeks become pinky.

“You were shaking, and saying nonsense things. You were sweating like crazy and your heartbeat was fast. Then you started vomiting and saying things that I didn’t understand… then you fainted” he said slowly, afraid of her reaction.

She froze, so it wasn’t just a vision, he was there when she was talking. “It was Spanish, for you to know” she tried to look cool and to maintain composure in front of him.

“What happened to you exactly?” he asked.

She stepped back again. She didn’t want to explain him about her problem with anxiety and the pills that sometimes she needs to take. It was her secret, only Hara knew about it. Nobody apart of them both, even her manager didn’t know about it, probably if they knew she wouldn’t belong to the company anymore, and she didn’t want to be hired so soon.

“N.. nothing” she lied. “I drank too much beer that night” she lied.

“Don’t try to lie to me, Eunah, I can see in your eyes that you are lying” he said stepping to her, this time with confidence.

Her shining eyes were confessing something to him: she was afraid to say out loud what was passing through her mind at the moment.

“You can trust me, I won’t tell anybody” he didn’t stop walking towards her. By that moment she was resting her back on the wall behind her, she couldn’t walk backwards anymore.

“I can trust that you won’t tell anybody…” she started but looked at the black tiles under her feet.

“So what?” he said touching her chin, making her look at his eyes.

“But I can’t assure that you won’t reject me” she finished.

“Reject you? That won’t happen in this life” he smiled sweetly.

She started crying. “I have had anxiety crisis since I was 16. I can’t be stressed out too much or even pressed, that’s why I am always calm, because I need to”

“And how would that make me reject you?” he smiled again sweetly, but this time wider.

“Nobody would like to stand with somebody who can’t be stressed out and that sometimes need pills or can faint in just a second” a tear escaped her eyes again.

“You don’t need to worry about it” he kissed her forehead, making her sigh in relief. “I left you alone for a while because you said many hard things, and