beta thanks to aenkr28

Chapter 36

Heechul and Siwon listen never have thought they would hear all that, Heechul and Siwon felt guilty for not noticing. They had come to realise how much what happen blinded Jaejoong from forgetting. Jaejoong held his hand again his chest, the panic still there. Everything Jaejoong couldn’t handle was said, Jaejoong couldn’t bring himself to look at his parent, he breath heavily at tear leaked from his eyes. Heechul wiped Jaejoong’s cheeks, trying to calm him down, but it did very little. By the end Jaejoong sniffled waiting for one of them to speak but nothing came, he wasn’t hearing anything from them. When he did manage to look at their gaze all he saw was sympathy. He wasn’t shock he expect this reaction, Heechul pulled him close. He knew Jaejoong felt so lost and hurt. He looked to his Umma, asking why people so cruel? Why was life so cruel to his son? Jaejoong really wanted them to say something the silence was killing him. Jaejoong felt the warmth for his mother’s chest. But it wasn’t what he want, he needed someone to say something, how long was he supposed to sit here, didn’t they see the agony he was in wondering if they care for him, did they even love him anymore. But then they thought came to him, did they blame him? Jaejoong blinked, the wetness on his eyelashes sprinkling on his cheeks. Jaejoong brought his hand toward his face wiping the tears with his hand, everything was feeling so foreign to him.

‘Breath Jae, breath…’ Jaejoong didn’t hear the voice at first, but it kept repeating itself making it through slowly.

“We’re right here.”Jaejoong felt someone take hold of his hand. It was then Jaejoong realised his father was speaking to him, Siwon rubbed his hand, Jaejoong was so pale it scared him, but all he could do was give support. Heechul kept his arms wrapped firmly around him. “Why didn’t you tell us sooner? We could have done something, we could have stopped it.”

“Siwon, not now…”

“It needs to be said Heechul.” Siwon wanted to comfort their son, and to that he wanted to make sure nothing like this happened again to his son or anyone else. By Jaejoong hiding what he just told him, the people that did this got off scout free. Siwon felt Jaejoong pain from his words. “What if they did this to someone else? What if they’re still doing it.”

“I’m s-sorry…” Jaejoong mumbled his voice horse.

“Jaejoong you have nothing to be sorry for, you just should have told us when it happened, and don’t think because we were busy that you shouldn’t have come to us. You of all people know your mother and I would have stopped everything just for you…” Siwon told him making sure he held onto Jaejoong hand firmly. “Jaejoong t-tell us about that day.” Heechul looked at his husband, wondering why he was bring that up, “You asked Donghae to walk home with you right? Where… did they do something to you on the way home?” It took a minute, but Jaejoong nodded his head.

“T-they were waiting for me…” Jaejoong’s voice was low.

Flashback

Jaejoong was pushed up against a wall, fear laced his eyes as he was surrounded they sneered at him only making him more terrified. He had dealt with them for weeks, months he began to lost count, each time it just got worse, but they had gone too far this time. Their leader was happy about to happen, “Well look at poor little Jaejoong, no wonder you haven’t any friends, You’re such a weirdo, sure look at your brother doesn’t even want to be with you.” He held Jaejoong’s gaze. “Had to go running to him today, you didn’t say anything did ya.” Jaejoong shook his head before he kicked Jaejoong on the side, causing Jaejoong to crumple to the ground. He looked up from his place on the ground pleadingly. “P-please...” he sobbed, tears streaming hot down his face. “Just leave me a-alone...” “Sorry, Jaejoong but this is two much fun.” Jaejoong felt another blow “Oh wait... I’m not sorry.” Jaejoong doubled over, coughing and gasping. When it stopped Jaejoong knew what was coming. He felt his arm been yanked. The cold mental back of the blade against this skin. He sobbed brokenly, “Please…” But it was too late, the blade slice into his skin like cheese wire. Blood streamed from the wound only making them back away.”

“What did you do?” He heard one of the gang ask their leader. “It’s too deep…” They stumbled away backing up away from where Jaejoong was on the ground cupping his arm, “We need to get out of here.” They disappeared around a corner leaving Jaejoong stumbling around. He needed to get home and clean himself up before anyone got home. He stumbles his whole way home afraid something was really wound; it took everything he had just to make it home he was wobbling on his as he clench his arm, trying to stop the blood. He felt his eye doping his vision growing darker and darker, but he managed to make it home. He opened the door, “Umma are you Home?” He called out. He was glad when he got no answer a sign of relieve he thought. He grabbed the first aid kit from the kitchen cupboard and went up stair, he struggle to clean up the wound blood continued to drip no matter what he did, he rid himself of his clothes and stood under the shower think it would help, but it didn’t his struggled to stay standing his body weakening from blood lose he was in denial that he would be okay. His back fell against the shower tile as his slide to the ground his breathing steadied as he fell unconscious.

The next thing Jaejoong knew, he was waking up in hospital, his parents worried sick by his bed side, they thought he wanted to end his life. He never told them the truth, he couldn’t. He wanted to pretend everything was a dream, but he was always drawn back, his parent thought they love him. Jaejoong felt they looked at him differently after that. He had to see a physiologist over his stay in hospital. Thought be barely spoke toward to her. He just sit their staring into space, as she waited for him to speak. By the sixth time to her office did Jaejoong realise the only way for him to leave the hospital was if he talked but it wasn’t her he had to convince.

“Talk to us Jaejoong explain to us why?” his parents asked. “Are you unhappy?”

“That was an understatement course he wasn’t happy, the hospital labelled him as suffering from depression and a paternal risk to his own health he was under supervision always. His brother barely came to see him, but he understood why. He told his parents a little about what was happening, but only enough that he would be allowed to come home. But everything was so different when he got home the treated him as if he might break. He couldn’t cope with it, especially when they saw the other small cut all over his arms, they had seen them when the doctor told them about his find when he stitches up his wound. He asked them did they know the course, they didn’t.

End of Flashback

“Why didn’t you tell us then?”

Jaejoong shrugged his shoulder, “It was easier to hide it, you all began to treat me different.”

“Course we did we were all so worried about you,” His mother told him, “And we didn’t know how to make it better.”

“Jae, if you didn’t start it, why did you cut yourselves when you were with us?”

“I didn't..., at first

Both Heechul and Siwon looked to one another,you remember what was coming through my phone until you took it from me and my laptop. They kept texting me, threatening me. Every time I left the house, one  was there waiting for me reminding me if I told they do worse..."Jaejoong shook his head, " I panic they always found a way to get to me. And then you thought I needed to go back to school. I lost it, I couldn’t they were all their mocking me they made my life a living hell I couldn’t I was so scared. I couldn’t take it, I cut myself as I was lost. I found it made me stop thinking even for a little while over time. I began to do it just every time I needed to stop thinking. When something like this happens, it was worse than me having cancer, your brain is your worse enemy. Well mine was, it just kept getting worse I was so lost, so I began to do it more often. Just to calm myself but I was out of control. I needed something to distract me from everything.”

“Jaejoong when did you find out you were adopted.”

“When we were told when it came back, Umma you were speaking outside my room with the doctor. They were asking you would know anyone in the family be a match. I heard you.”

“Jae you were eight at the time.” His mother told him.

“I still understood.” Jaejoong told them.

“Why didn’t you speak to us?”

“How could I? I felt guilty for what I was putting you through, I was so sick.”

“Jaejoong…”

“Why didn’t you bring it up after…”

“I-I don’t know. To me you were my parents, I did wonder a few times why they gave me up; I realise they didn’t want me. Why did you adopt me?”

“Because we loved you from the second you came into are lives.” Heechul answered.

“Your mother’s right, you may not know this but you took to you mother the second you met. You were tiny when you came into our lives. Probably no more than a few hours old.”

“How?”

“Maybe we should leave this for another day.” Siwon figured too much was said already.

“Jaejoong I won’t hide anything from you again, we were over at leetuek and Kangin house. It was Yunho’s birthday in a few days but we were going to miss it so we went over a few days earlier. Siwon and Kangin had gone out to get food when he turned up the man that gave you to me, The man had lost it…” Heechul explained the meeting right to the point where he came into his lives. “I couldn’t get you out of my mind, you needed someone. I did a little digging and found what hospital you went to. I learned you were premature and that you barley had the le you needed to feed. But you did take a bottle when you were with me though only a small amount. You took to me just as I took to you.”

“Yeah two peas in a pod.” Siwon told them.

“I didn’t tell your father at first about you, but I began to volunteer where you were taken just so I could see you and take care of you. I didn’t know how to bring it up with Siwon but…”

“I found out and followed your mother. I realise the connection, and found we wanted you, we needed you as much as you needed someone.”

“That man…”

“We tried to find him, but we couldn’t. I wanted to punch him for hurting your mother.”

“SIWON…”

“What he could have broken your nose.” Siwon answered.

“He thought I was someone else, he thought I was your father and had an affair with his wife, though he found out I was a mother to a little boy.”

“Who did he think was my father?”

“Kangin, he thought it was Kangin. All he said was his wife was working at the company with a Mr Jung. It could have been anyone.” Jaejoong realised that. “Jaejoong if you want to ever find them, we’ll help.” His father told him. “Just say it…”

“Why would I want to, you are my parents?” Jaejoong pulled his knee close to his chest. “You raised me, loved me. You’re with me when I became sick, stayed up with me when I screamed pain. You were there for me all the time I needed you. I guess I lost sight of the when that happened. I just didn’t want you to see my like that. You’ve all done everything for me and here I was ruining everything.”

“You never ruin anything Jaejoong.” Heechul told him. “I’m sorry about yesterday.”

“I don’t blame you for thinking that. It’s not like I gave you much to work with. I haven’t been easy to deal with. I made you fly across the world and back.”

“We’d do it again in a heartbeat.” Siwon told him.

“I’m sorry I said those awful things, I never meant a word.”

“We know, we never doubt it that for a second Jaejoong. We know it’s hasn’t been easy the last couple of months or the ones to come won’t be easy either, but we’ll work on it together nah?” Siwon smile at his son, they talked for hours until Jaejoong drift off.

“He's held a lot of pain, but he finally sharing it with us.”

“He’s fifteen Siwon, a baby at that. They had no right to do what they did, I hope it ate them when they found out he was in hospital.”

“I learnt a lot more from him. Then I excepted, I just wonder where were all his friends when this was happening.”

Let’s not do this now they think about it.” Both of the sat back and thought about it.

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Awh  who else wants to hug Jaejoong..... no one should feel like that. 

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