beta thanks to aenkr28

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Chapter 33

Jaejoong didn’t know what to feel anymore, he had just keep walking, thinking to clear his mind anything was better. He had said some hateful things to the people he knew who cared for him the most, people who care and loved him and didn’t want to see him so hurt. It wasn’t long until he came upon the Han river. He had no motivation to head back let alone how to get back, his direction skill had been tested since they moved back to Korea, but in Jaejoong’s eyes everything is so new to him. He was so young when they moved, too young to remember, and at the moment he was depending on others to get around. But right know the last thing on his mind was to go back and discuss what had happened.

He wiped his eyes, he didn’t want people to see he was crying. Though every thoughts ran through his mind. He sat on the ground dragging his knee up to his chest. He had begin to try so hard since they came him, he really had. Yes there were a few difficult days. But he didn’t want to hurt the people that cared for him, but yet again everything had come back to bite him as it usually did. He bite his tongue thinking of all the things he said, his thought ran to his parents. He felt guilty for what he said, but he was upset, he was provoked but then again, was that a good enough reason. Inside himself he knew his parent didn’t trust him. Sure would he, if he had a child. He just thought with the big moved that things would change, he had hoped. He had never really spoken to his parents about what happened that day. He just wanted to put it to the back of his mind. It was from that point his life really change… he had known from the age of eight he was adopted, but at that eight he didn’t understand the meaning of it or how it effected him. Beside that was the last thing on a eight year old’s mind.

Flashback

He was sitting on his father’s lap as he held a cloth to his noses in the emergency department, “It’s okay Joongie, the doctor will get you sorted and we can go home.” his father told him.

His father had remained calm when he reserved a call from Jaejoong’s school asking him, to come in. He was quite shocked when he seen his son but he put on a bright smile. He didn’t want to scare his eight years old and the thought that came back into his mind. Their was always a chance of it coming bac.

He took Jaejoong straight to the emergency room, “Do you feel sick?” his father asked Jaejoong, who nodded his head. Speaking only made blood go into his mouth that was something he didn’t like. “Did you feel sick when Daddy dropped you off this morning?” Jaejoong nodded again, looking up at his father with glassy eyes. “Why did you not tell Umma and I? You should tell Umma and Appa these things….” Siwon was looking around waiting for the doctor.

“Appa mad at me?”

“No Appa is not mad at you, I just would have preferred if you told your mother and I.”

“But Umma and Appa looked busy and had work!”

“Jaejoong your needs take over work.” Siwon was about to continue when his phone went off, Siwon looked around to see if their were any no phone sign, but he was in look. “It’s your Umma. Hey Heechul, I see you got my message…” Siwon picked up his phone. Jaejoong could just make out his parent’s conversation.

“Is he alright?” Heechul asked the concern was laced in his voice.

“Well we’re in the emergency room waiting on him to be seen.”

“ You don’t think…”

“I’m not thinking anything until I know for sure, I will mention it when I see the doctor, Jae told me he wasn’t feeling well this morning.”

“What? Why didn’t he tell us?”

“Because you and I had work.”

“Seriously that kid. Do you need me to come? I can finish work and come to you both…”

“Nah no point for you coming down, sure he in good hands with me. And Donghae will be on his way home from school soon.”

“Ring me if anything comes up.”

“Will do.” Siwon hung up looking at Jaejoong, “See Umma want you to tell us if something wrong,” Jaejoong nodded. They had spend a good couple of hours in the hospital.

When Siwon mentioned Jaejoong’s previous medical history, the doctor order every blood work just to be sure. Jaejoong didn’t understand what the adult were talking about, he just sat there quietly, play with the sticker he had been given for being brave as they tended to their nose. The doctor hand up an urgent request on the vile.

“If it come up that his white blood cell count is low, he will have to come back, for a few more tests.” Siwon nodded that he understood. “When was he last test if you don’t mind me asking? And his doctor’s name?”

“Six months ago but he’s been fine. And it’s doctor Elisabeth Bate, she was the specialise that was on his case.” The doctor took the notes.

“How long until we get the result?” Siwon asked.

“I’m going to go up to check the blood workers and see if I can hurry them along. If you don’t mind waiting…”

Siwon did want to know as soon as possible. “Is it okay if I get him something to eat?” Siwon lifted Jaejoong off the table and place him by his side, he held onto Jaejoong’s hand, giving it a comforting squeezed.

“Please…”

“I’ll have a nurse come find you when the result are back.” The doctor told him, Siwon nodded.

They were standing in the queue, “Joongie what would you like…”

“I’m not hungry.”

“You have to eat something, you didn’t get the chance to eat your lunch either. What about something small!” To tell the truth he wasn’t hungry himself, it was just something to pass the time. “What about a yoghurt or something?” Jaejoong nodded his head he was too busy looking all around him. They weren’t sitting more that 15 minutes when they were call back to the office, only this time another doctor was there someone who was familiar to the family. The second Siwon saw her he knew it was bad. His worse fear had come through. They spoke for a while not hinting on anything Jaejoong picked up. It wasn’t until a week later it was clear to them Jaejoong wasn’t in remission to him anymore. Jaejoong remember his parent sitting with him explaining what was happening to him why he had to go into hospital.

End Flashback

Jaejoong didn’t know why he thought of that memory, but it was probably the first time he realise just how sick he was back them, he hated the feeling. It made him shiver, being hospitalized. The treatment was probably the worse, but still to this day he could picture the look on his parent’s faces. It was the same worrying look he got most days now. It was around that time he learnt of his adoption. His parent where talking to a doctor about finding a match, asking if they matched their son. He figure they must have, thought he was asleep or they wouldn’t had said it around him. But being eight he had no clue what it meant. It wasn’t until he was a little older, did he really understand, then he found a document that he had been keeping with himself since then. As much as he wanted to know more about it, another side of him didn’t. But one thing that keep coming to his mind was his parents would have been so much better off if they didn’t adopt him. That was were his guilty lies. They did so much for him and he wasn’t theirs. And now that his parent knew he knew, he couldn’t face them. He figured they would be looking for him, so he needs to get his head together and think about what he was going to say to them. He had an idea why his Umma freak out on him, but he couldn’t be sure unless someone told him. He sat looking over the river… Not thinking. Their was no point of him going to school, he’s only half dressed and he didn’t have any school books. For the first time in a long time, he was enjoying his time in school. He wasn’t saying that some days weren’t difficult for him that would be a lie. There were a few days, but he did his best to get through them. Some better than other with Yunho’s help. Others by remembering the proud look his mother gave him.

“THERE you are!” Jaejoong was taken from his thoughts only to met Yunho’s eyes. It looks like Yunho had been running, “We’ve been looking all over for you.” Yunho continued. Yunho took a glance over him realising he was only wearing a his school shirt. “Aren’t you cold?” Yunho took off his sweater and held it out to Jaejoong.

“What about you?”

Yunho had his school jumper on, “Put it on.” Yunho sat down beside him, he didn’t say anything, just look around. “It’s nice here isn’t it?” Yunho muttered out the most random of thought. “Thought I think you don’t even know how to get back to the house from here, do you?” Yunho looked at him. He knew no answer would come. Yunho lightly tapped his head making Jaejoong look at him, “Think before you run next time idiot, you’re so foolish.” Yunho told him.

“How did you find me?”

“Well I figured where would someone go, who had no sense of direction at all when it came to our city, and who was mildly distracted. It was either thinking your just run in a straight direction or you’d be walk amously around the city that he has no clue about or the dangers within.” Yunho had made a point. “I saw you from that bridge over there,” Yunho pointed it out, “I sent your brother the other way. I say we have about 30minutes before he come back this way.”

“Why?”

“Why what?” Yunho asked.

“Why did you send him that way if you seen me.”

“Because I want to talk to you first, and I figured you rather talk to someone who’s not you family… That’s me!” Yunho pointed to himself making Jaejoong laugh. Yunho smiled reaching into his back pocket and hold out tissue for Jaejoong, at least he made Jaejoong laugh. “Wipe you’re nose and your eyes, like I need people thinking that I made you cry. My reputation will be ruined.”

“Reputation?” Jaejoong questioned as he wiped his eyes.

“Yeah I do have one… haven’t you hear of me?” Yunho mocked him, it was just nice to see Jaejoong laugh, “You look better when you laugh…” Yunho told him looking around him, “I’m also a good listener if you want to talk, but if you don’t want to you don’t have to. Or if you want you can, talk to me I could pretend I’m not listening at all, either works in my opinion.”

“Thanks…”

“No need to thank me at all, I didn’t do much. Just listen with a deaf ear. When you want to head back, just let me know or we could wait for your brother I’m sure he’ll be loads of fun.”

“He’s not that bad, he probably just as confused as I am.”

“Do you know what my Umma was on about?”

“No but I think it’s something Taemin misplaced from what I gathered. I won’t think too much of it, Taemin always losing things, it’s in his nature too. I wouldn’t think much of it, but you should talk to your Umma. I say he knows he did wrong, but it was probably, because he cares about you. If you want to know, we should head back…”

“I don’t think I can face them.”

“Why not? Because of what you said?” Yunho stood up. “If that’s all your worry about, I won’t I’ve said a whole lot worse to my parents in more that one occasion, they always get on my case about studying and who I hang out with and I shouldn’t drink,” Yunho toned down his voice, imparting his parents tone, “And I had to show a good example to my younger brothers. I’ve heard the lot… including they look up to their big brother and what you do effect them? I’m not a saint you know. It hard being the oldest.”

“It’s hard been the youngest, sometimes,” Jaejoong told him.

“Well it must be hard in general.” Yunho told him reaching out hand to help Jaejoong up the second Jaejoong stood up, Yunho was zipping up the sweater in front of Jaejoong.” He couldn’t help but enjoy watching Jaejoong blush. His pale skin only inhabited his feature for his rosy cheek, but it wasn’t Jaejoong cheek he eyes moved to it was Jaejoong’s red tinted lip that pucked when he blushed. “Yunho…” didn’t know why, but Jaejoong blurted out… “Do you think Donghae hates me?”

“Why would you say that?”

“You wouldn’t understand.” Yunho looked over their shoulder to Donghae who was standing there. Donghae held his finger to his lips, he wants to hear what Jaejoong wanted to say. Even if it wasn't directed at himself.

“Why don’t you pretend I’m you brother, tell me what you want to say to him? Come on, it couldn’t hurt can it? Talk to me, tell me what you can’t seem to tell him.”

“Do you blame me for getting sick?” Jaejoong asked he seemed to not have noticed the two other people. Yunho looked at Donghae who was shaking his head.

“No I don…” Jaejoong didn’t him finished. "You don’t blame me for taking Umma and Appa away from you?”

“Jaejoong…”

“Do you? I’m not even related to them…”

“Jae…”

“They adopted me, hyung… I’m not their son, never was.” Jaejoong held his tears in his eyes, “I took them from you.” Yunho looked at Donghae, he could tell this was the first Donghae had heard it. “Would you still think of me as your brother if you have no connection by blood?” Jaejoong asked.

“What are you talking about?” Jaejoong jumped hearing Donghae’s voice, he turned wiping his eye. He looked at Yunho, as Yunho seemed to have a idea about what Jaejoong was talking about even without saying it out loud.

“Will you still think of me as your brother if I’m not connection by blood?”

“Jae…”

“I’m sorry… I always took Umma and Appa away from you. You didn’t get to do anything when you were younger, I was always sick. I’m sorry hyung. It would have been better for you if they never adopted me, it would have been better for them if they never adopted me… all I cause was problems."

Donghae pulled Jaejoong closer to hug him. “Don’t be stupid, you’re still my brother… always will.”

“But…”

“Don't be stupid.”

“But Umma and Appa…”

“Stop it Jaejoong! Stop looking into it, think of it like this… Umma and Appa choose to adopt you. It wasn’t like they were forced to take you they choose you, not because they had to, they wanted you. I was born to them well I think I was.” That seemed to lighten Jaejoong mood.

“What do you think you were playing at? Running off like that.”

Yunho butted in, “If I could interupt you for a minute, I’ve already talk to him, one lecture a day is enough don't you think?” Yunho winked at Jaejoong. Donghae shook his head, “Are you okay?” Donghae tilted Jaejoong’s head so he was facing him, Jaejoong nodded, Junsu stood beside them looking at Yunho. “Don’t do that again, Jaejoong I was worried about you.”

“I’ll try not to.” Jaejoong start biting his nails.

“Dont’ do that, you only do that when your hiding something.” Donghae took his hand away from his mouth “I thought you didn’t have that habit anymore.” Donghae laughed. “It was one I could always read you on. Talk to me Jaejoong, how long have you been hiding this… no wait you don't have to tell me, is it about Umma? About what happened? When we get back the two of us will sit down and talk to them if you want.” Yunho couldn’t help but reach out his hand to stop Jaejoong’s tears from falling. “I told you, you look better when you smile.” With that a slight smile appeared. It wasn't all until the were walking back, that Jusnu pulled Yunho to the sideout of ear shot.

“You like him don’t you?” Junsu smirked.

“Don’t be silly Junsu he’s like a little brother to me.”

“Come off it, you would never treat your brothers like that, and that's the first time I’ve seen you look at anyone like that.”

“Junsu you’ve got the wrong end of the stick here!”

“Awh I see someone not able to accept the fact that it’s true.”

“Junsu…”

“What?”

“Even if that was the slightest bit true, he’s to young for me.”

“What three years? That's nothing beside!”

“Junsu…”

“Okay I won’t say anymore, oh and I won’t tell anyone about what you told me earlier," Junsu stepped away from him. “Well if you exuse me, I’m doing to the library, it’s too late to go to school and I am most definitely not going home until I have to…”

“Why don’t you come to my place for a while, I’ll explain you helped us look for Jaejoong, stay the night as well.”

“Well that sounds like a planned…”

..

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Managed to right a really long chapter for you  guys, I really hope you enjoy up. I didn't make anything happen to Jae, Not yet at Least ^_^ But someone coming into the stories that could change everything, I would what it could be..... ehehhehe

Did you like Yunho in this Chapter i thought we needed a bit of yunjae action....

Even i can't wait for the next chapter..... can you?

Comment will help me write faster?