Hope Until It Won't Work Anymore
Children of the Night
I woke up to a continuous throbbing in my head, pounding my brain against my skull as if it were some toy, and golden beams shinning through the curtains. It had to be somewhere between seven or eight o'clock, I was always up around those times due to me waking up every morning to attend school. Glancing to my left, I witness the state Yifan was in, pale face, red nose along with rosy cheeks, disheveled hair; he was ill. I began to panic for what could I possibly do, there was no way I could heal him nor do I have a medical degree. My hands were trembling with fear, my mind was jumbled with overrunning thoughts that were meaningless, tears brimmed my eyes when the thought of me being incapable of saving his life played in my head. Images of him at the beach with the moonlight cascading onto half of his face and the other half casted by shadows, and at school just glancing towards me created an unsteady beat in my chest. My hands made their way to his shoulders, barely shaking him to not frighten him. Though I attempted to remain collected, so I wouldn't consume precious ticking time, my voice came out hoarse in a raspy vibration in my throat.
"Yifan," I breathed, my words jumbling besides his name. That was the only thing that I could grasp onto without slipping into the inky darkness that was consuming me whole, slipping into insanity. My chest was a roaring fire, something was in there, Yifan was still there.
"Jaewa," he coughed out blood. "I can't breathe, my chest hurts."
My hands raced to his chest, as if it would aid in subduing his pain, to extract his pain into me or something, it pained me to witness him in this state. That was when my thinking was kicking in, I sprung out of the bed into the hallway where I hesitated; which person should I inform first?
"Help!" I screamed on the top of my lungs multiple times, until ruffling was heard and doors swung wide open. Five other worried faces emitted from their separate chambers, each questioning if I had gotten injured or
into trouble, but all I could utter was his name. They rushed passed me, their bodies racing and surrounding his bed, and all I could hear was my heartbeat.
"Yifan!" Minseok shook his shoulders, but came to no avail when there was no response from him. Liquid rolled down my cheeks, I brushed my fingers to touch them and realized I was crying, I hadn't felt it before. Was he truly gone or going to be? Just floating in a cloudy abyss where only peace laid, where he was submerged in a pond of hope and dreams and reminisce.
Yifan, please. My body collapsed to the floor, I was hugging my knees behind the door while I forced myself to retain sight- even if I could barely see anything clear because of the tears- of the man who loved me so dearly; one person who loved me unconditionally, loved me because of my flaws, because I was imperfect. Just give me one more chance, I'm sorry. I don't deserve someone like you and you deserve better, but we thought that each other was enough, even more than enough. Forgive me.
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