Play, Listen, & Read

For weeks the same nightmares submerged me in my own fear, even though I knew it couldn't harm me in any way; physically. Nothing much happened besides that, the boys teaching me some fighting techniques in case they were to ambush us. They guided my hands in the most effective way to stab the opponent, to have them collapse to their death. Though it was brutal, the way their mind was fixed over the years, their years of hardcore training, the way their muscles tensed when they moved a certain way. It frightened me. 
"Everything's going to be okay," Yixing's arms wrapped around me, his hand running through my hair. "We're right here." He was expecting me to sob but I didn't, I was exhausted and waiting for this entire thing to finally to be put to an end. 
Minseok appeared in front of me, whispered about how worn out I seemed, and dragged me up the stairs to my bedroom. Yifan was taking a shower, Luhan was resting on the couch with a damp towel on his forehead, Zitao was whipping up something to munch on. 
"W-Why did you close the door?" I trembled as he locked the door to his bedroom, entrapping the both of us inside. "Minseok?" 
"Listen to me," he began. His hands tugged at the hem of his shirt, he was jittery. "I don't know why the others didn't tell you already but I smell them. I didn't ask anything if they knew, but they're coming."
My bones rattled against my organs, I knew I was going to breakdown. I wasn't prepared to be handled once again by them, or worse, cease to live. My hands were trembling so I attempted to grab onto the fabric of my shorts but they were too far. 
"We'll meet up, discuss this, and decide what we're going to do. This is all for your safety." His shook their way to my shoulders where they planted to reassure me but it didn't help. Nothing could shush the screaming in my head, or dim down the nightmares corrupting my mind, I was doomed and I knew it. 
"Thank you so much," I began to tear up. They were going out of their way to protect such a loss, they were going to bleed and suffer over someone not worth all of the pain. How was I suppose to know if they were actually trembling in fright that this would be their last day? I didn't, I was suppose to trust and depend on their insticts to guide us all either to a safe haven or even more danger than we were already out to receive. 
So later that afternoon, when I was suppose to consume some food, I sobbed in my bedroom. Door wide open, not afraid of anything to hear me or damage me when I was most vulnerable. I was ready to visit the afterworld, I wanted my parents not to worry about me anymore but the thought- and sudden presence- of Yifan was denying my descision and shooting it to the ground. I was going to fight, for me, for Yifan, for what my family stands for; even if they were just accepting me in and weren't related to me whatsoever, they were my only hope. If there was no them, then there is no me. 
"It's alright," Yifan, after awhile of just witessing me internally tear myself into shreds, embraced me into his arms. "We can make it through this, you just have to believe in us. Believe in me, that's all that I need to persevere, for us, for your life."
"I-I'm scared," my voice was choked up in short breaths. "I just love you so much I'm afraid to lose everything that has came into my life. I'm just scared of what's on the other side." 
He hugged me tighter, closer, to reassure me, to just hold me in this time of distress. He hushed me, running his hand through my disheveled hair and slipping words that cured some of my wounds, if he just continued I could heal; his words could fully heal my battle wounds and erase my scars if he just kept going, keep going for an eternity more. I belted out my soul's tears, a deep cry of discomfort and misery. In all of my years of living this was the first time I sobbed as much as I did now. It was the most pitiful.