I glanced at a small, square clock on my desk, it’s almost half past six. I shook my head, dragging my attention back to my work when a soft knock greeted my ears. I looked up, calling for whoever person that just knocked on my door office into my office then.

It was Rania, my secretary. She walked into my office, looking a nervous and more careful for my observation. I wondered what’s make her behaving like that.

“Sorry for disturbing you, Mr. Kwon. I just want to say that I’m going to heading back home now. So, is it okay if you’re just alone? Is there anything that I can do for you before I get home?” she asked me softly, standing few inches away from my large table.

I shook my head slightly, smiling a bit at her before thanking her for today’s work. She smiled back at me, bowing her body a little bit before turned against me and made herself out from my office then. I just about to turn my attention back to my work when Rania’s voice spoke up then.

“Err, before that, there’s something that I need to tell you, Mr. Kwon.” She quietly said, her eyes looking everywhere, a sign where she usually afraid and nervous to tell me something. I noticed that whenever there is a bad ‘thing’ that she needs to report on me.

I raised one of my eyebrow, giving her the ‘tell me about it’ look towards her.

“I know that I’ve already promised but still you have the right to know about it anyway.” She continued more. “Recently- no. I mean, two days before, Mrs. Kwon actually came here. She asked me to see you but I told her you just left the office, few minutes before she showed up.”

My body froze immediately in my seat. “I’m actually was going to call you, to inform that she’s here, in this building but she prevented me from doing so. That’s why I didn’t. I’m really sorry, Mr. Kwon.” Rania apologized to me, her face plastered with that guilty look.

I tried to open my mouth, wanting to ask her why she did not call me even if my wife told her not to, but I decided to shut up, not knowing what to respond.

“What time she came here anyway?” I asked quietly, staring at Rania.

Rania did not answer at first, probably remembering back the time when Chaerin came here at my office. Oh God. “I think around three, almost to half past three if I’m not mistaken.” Rania quickly answered. My forehead creased then. Well, that’s answer it somehow. I was out at that time, attending a charity event that was held at a nearby hotel around this area.

“I’m really sorry, Mr. Kwon. I know that I should have told you earlier about this but I’ve made promise with your wife, sir. She told me for not inform you about her visit here before.” Rania explained, her voice sounded apologetic and guilty for me.

I pressed my lips together, letting out a sigh. “That’s okay. But, next time, please… If there’s anything that has anything to do with my wife, tell me at once. I don’t care if I’m in an important meeting at all. She’s really important to me, Rania.” I said without thinking, a little of me hoping that Chaerin would hear what I said just now.

Rania nodded her head then apologized to me one more time before she left me upon my request then. I knew that it wasn’t her fully fault but still… I fiercely wiped my face with my palm, sighing again. I leaned back in my seat, closing my eyes then.

This is stupid. It felt so stupid and wrong at the same time. I knew what I’m doing right now is wrong. I knew it badly but, I also could not understand the other side of me; telling me that this thing happens right now is just a normal, small thing. Is this what people call being such egoistic person? I mean, of course, man do has their own ego feelings but what I’m feeling right now, is it right to feel about it?

I could not push the way I felt whenever I clearly see how hard Chaerin trying to grab my attention, probably seeking for my forgiveness for her words that bloody night. And what did I do? Well, nothing at all. Yeah, call me stupid, jerk or anything but still; I could never forget her words that night.

She’s the one told me by herself that I’m the real reason why she could not pursue her study further and why she keep holding back her goals and dreams. I did not know that I was the reason behind that. What was she thinking anyway? If I’m the reason that holding her back, why would she let me enter her world then?! Why would she tell me that she also loves me then!? WHY!!?

Maybe you’re the one who misunderstood about it, Jiyong. A voice said in my mind. Maybe she wanted to tell you that she keep holding it back all of this time because she afraid of losing you. The fact that she needs to take; going after her ambition, continuing her study and losing you probably the last thing that she ever thinks in her mind. Do you ever think about that? No, right?

Maybe that also right. But if that so, why doesn’t she just tell me? Speak to me truthfully. Why can’t she do that? Is it because she afraid that it might hurt me? Hurt my feelings?  Well, if I thought back, it probably is the reason. If not, she won’t be doing the many things that she’s been doing currently. Sometimes, I really wanted to end all of this but at the same time, my stupid egoistic feelings told me not to give in easily.

Yeah, you’re stupid, Jiyong. A really stupid, selfish person. What a shame on you, Mr. Kwon Jiyong.

I could not sleep that night even I was trying hard on doing it. I rolled over my body all around on the big sized bed, hoping that I could get some sleep. I got nothing and it surely made me frustrated about this. I sat up then, climbing all the way down from the bed, my legs made it way towards the balcony across the room.

I slide across the door, opening it, feeling the windy, chilly atmosphere night air brushing on my face then. My body shivered in respond, my arms hugging my body tightly, feeling the warmth of myself lingering around my body.

I did not know what time is it right now but it probably late enough since the whole city has quiet down from earlier. I was enjoying myself seeing the view of the grand, world-class city and not to mention, the city that currently holds the record for having the world’s tallest man-made structure, Burj Khalifa. Well, I currently having my time alone here in Dubai city, to be truth, visiting this lovely city for work purpose of course.

If I’m not mistaken, I already been here for almost four days here including today of course since the midnight had passed by. Four days passed which also means four days being away from my country, home and most of all, my wife, Chaerin.

It such a torture for me, seriously saying. I knew that it’s kind of weird for me to say something like this since I’ve been working at overseas before. And yes, this is probably the third time I left my wife behind, doing my work at other countries. But, this time, there is a difference. A big difference where only Chaerin and I know about it.

If it wasn’t because of that fight, I won’t be in this kind of condition right now. Well, serve me right after all. It’s not like Chaerin fully fault after all in this problem, I knew it also mine too. I mean, she did everything to return everything into normal again but me; being the selfish, ungrateful person who never tried at all to make thing get better again.

I did not know what kind of person I am or what kind of husband I am. Probably the worst of all. At this moment, I somehow pity my wife for had to marry someone like me.

It’s been four days also I officially did not contact my wife at all. Surprise? Shock? Don’t be. And please don’t give me that ‘what the hell is wrong with you’ look. I know what you guys probably thinking right now.

What is it with you Jiyong? Jiyong, are you out of your mind? Or whatever thoughts that you guys want to think more, that’s up to you guys. But trust me; I have my own solid reason why I did not contact with Chaerin at all.

Well, it started with a tragedy. Not a tragic one but for me, it did look tragic enough for me for being alone in other country and also a hopeless victim. What I can say, maybe the tragedy that happened on me is actually a punishment from God towards me for behaving such a jerk, really bad husband to my own wife.

I was strolling along the pedestrian walk; the sun was shining brightly that evening. I was taking advantage of my free time from work, wanting to enjoy the Dubai city that day. I stopped by at a kiosk, buying a bottle of cold lemonad