Yunho sleep over at Changmin’s for 4 consecutive days, he even keeps toothbrush on Changmin’s bathroom and always brings clean clothes. And he couldn’t sleep for 4 consecutive nights. Now he is too sleepy, which is he rarely felt. When he already in his workplace, after following Changmin secretly to his office building (for 4 days in a row), Yunho just drop his head on his desk. Leans on it and quickly drop to slumber, unfortunately for him Sukjin opens the door quite loud and makes him startled. “Did you sleeping?”

Yunho covers his faces with a nearest piece of paper he can grab. The back of his head and neck clench tightly. It won’t good if he stays here longer than this. Quickly he grabs whatever he thinks he should take. “I leave.”

Yunho asks his driver to his apartment. He has apartment for himself that he secretly bought; not much things inside, it’s basically empty. He sleeps on his couch for about 7 hours and the first thing crossed his mind for the first time is coffee maker, he has to buy that thing.  He wants to ask Changmin to moves here, because this place is bigger than Changmin’s apartment. And it has 2 bedrooms even he never use them, he likes to sleeps on couch anyway. It seems to be so hard to be happening. Well, telling Changmin about his real self is already hard. He’ll let it till maybe he can finds time to tell his roommate. That time is seems too far away. Because he doesn’t know if he can trust Changmin yet.

He washes his face and looks at his phone. There is message from his grandfather. Remind him that he’ll have dinner with his grandparents and also his uncle and aunt from Hongkong. Not uncle and aunt who raise him. It is another one.

He doesn’t want to let his family knows that he sleeps (lay down to be exact) on Changmin’s place. His family can be both scary and excited on that thing. So he wants to keep it secret. There is a way so that his family let him alone is by give them what they want; show a little wills of life.

 

This night he is not going to sleep on Changmin’s place. He has tells him this morning during breakfast.

“Why?” Changmin asked this morning right after he tells him. His voice a little hoarse. He absolutely feels disappointed, these night he spent with Yunho are good for their relation. It’s almost feels like they back to college, but a little closer. Yunho talked more. The announcement from Yunho that he won’t sleep there tonight has drifted his mind everywhere.

“Well, I need to do something tonight. So… will you be okay? Dinner I mean” Something to do is dinner and another things that is very important for him; sleep.  He just wants to sleep. Real sleep this time. He is afraid if he falls asleep on Changmin’s side. He still can’t brush his fear away.

“Sure. You know I can cook, right?” He smiles to hide his disappointment.

Because Yunho reads something on Changmin’s face that looks like he hesitate about something, “Why? Anything you want to tell me?”

“Ah… it’s…” Yunho waits for his answers and looking at those eagle eyes is enough to makes him surrender. “You always work?”

“You mean… I work every day? Yes”

“You never have free time? Like going somewhere to refresh your mind?” Yunho just shrugged his shoulder; doesn’t really think about it. “What if we go tomorrow?” Changmin finally says it.

“What?”

“I mean, I want to buy something so, what if we refreshing?” Changmin suggest but it’s a request actually.

Yunho tilted his head in cute ways, he never meant to be. It’s just natural. Changmin is taken a back, a little worry. “Okay.” He answers. Just that is enough to makes Changmin jumps (if only he is not sitting in front of Yunho right now).

“You sure you have free time?”He knows he shouldn’t ask that. Yunho might change his mind.

“I’ll make it my day off. So don’t worry” He can’t brush away that guilt He has make Changmin suffers. If he wasn’t lived with Changmin during college, he might be doesn’t need to feel this all. That guilt makes him want to help and support Changmin and it perhaps means spoiled Changmin a little.

 

 

When night comes, it’s hard for Changmin to sleep. He so excited about the next day plan. He just lays down on his bed and keep smiling and rolling. He hugs the pillow Yunho usually uses (and constantly smells it) and finally falls asleep at 1 a.m.

Meanwhile, Yunho is awake on his apartment. He has laptop in front of him, so indeed, he is working right now. There is something different compare to this noon, he has coffee maker and a cup of coffee is accompanying him right now. It’s not a cup of coffee he just made; in fact he bought that coffee on nearby café because he forgot to buy cup and the coffee itself. So rather go to buy the things he need to makes coffee or blame himself, he just buys one. And the man behind the cashier which is happen to be the owner gives him a slice of coffee cake, and an extra wink.

He just has dinner with his grandfather and uncle and aunt. He is so lucky because his cousin can’t make it. Or that kid will follow him here. His cousin ever visited him in college and after that, he sends complain to his uncle. His uncle gladly forbids his son to go to Korea outside holidays.

His phone is suddenly ringing. Yunho doesn’t look at it and just pick it up. “Hello?”

“Yunho!” Yunho stops typing and with frown looks at his phone to see the id. It’s his cousin; his twin.

“Why you call?” It’s very lucky for him. He is not with Changmin right now. He’ll disturb Changmin if received calls in midnight like this.

It answers with much complain. “Oh, come on! I may disturb you whenever I want.” They’re cousin that grow together and treat like twins every single day of their life. It’s shouldn’t be something weird if he calls in odd time. “Just want to tell you that Mom miss you. Why don’t you visit her?”

That’s right he hasn’t seen her for about two months. It’s a long period but at least “I call her” every week, or every three days, two days, and even whole week.

“I said VISIT V-I-S-I-T!” Why again his brother is smarter than him.

“I’m doing something right now” But of course he can’t make it as excuse, he just has no other reason to say. Like saying my biological mother is still rejected me and that Junjin always able to stay by her side and I want to get a little attention from her like that entire medic got. He can’t say that because he is his cousin and they have shared love from same parents. He’ll sound greedy and ungrateful if he says that.

“What’s this? You have plans all of sudden?” His cousin frown, and Yunho sort of guess this already.

“Why? I’m moody” he starts typing again.

“Okay. Whatever. Do you eat well?” He has to ask this because his grandfather tells him about Yunho who rejects to have dinner with him every night and his parents worry. They just don’t know that Yunho have it with Changmin these days.

“I eat well” that words comes out almost instantly.

“Liar! You skipped lunch” he almost sounds barking.

“But I’ve breakfast and dinner. At around same time every day. With enough portions to make you stop complain. Isn’t that enough?”

He frowns. If Yunho can see him he must be scoff at his weird expression of disbelieve. “… You are not kidding? I mean… what ghost possesses you?” He seems to have lie detector. But if it’s Yunho, he knows. Yunho is not the type to tell lie. If something he doesn’t want peoples to know, he’ll pick his words carefully, charade.

“Tazmanian devil?” he suggests even it’s very unnecessary. Can’t tell his so possessive brother if there is this guy who makes him have breakfast and dinner. And that he cooks for him these days. Changmin’s life is hard enough to deal with his cousin’s possessiveness. Yunho can’t let his cousin do it to Changmin.

He has expecting to hear something more satanic rather than animated thing “… It’s not a ghost! Or devil! It’s an animal! You!” He frustrated but can’t continue more words.

“You just call to make sure about it, don’t you? Tell them I try to fix my eating habit! Take care baby!” Yunho just want this call to end as soon as possible. More words will only lead him to reveal that he sleeps or lay at night with someone outside his family.

“Miss you too!” They cut the line in almost same time.

 

Yunho puts his phone at the table and looks at the key lay besides his phone now, spare key to be exact. Changmin gives him that key yesterday night. Changmin is quite nervous when he gives it to Yunho and the younger only looks at it innocently. The older can’t see how confuse Yunho is. And when he asked why Changmin gives him that, he answered “Because it’s better for you to wait inside than sits on cold floor outside”. Again Yunho asked whether he afraid if Yunho take something that is Changmin’s, but Changmin shrugged and says “There is nothing worthy here” then Yunho takes it.

If Changmin dares to give him that key, it must be means he trust Yunho. He thinking about his own feels, does he trust Changmin enough? He still failed to sleep next to him even he knows by experience that Changmin rarely wakes up in the middle of night. Not that he never, just when it happened, Changmin just sits and checked his clock and go back to sleep.

Yunho smiles abruptly, reminds the first time he heard Changmin talked on his sleep. He said “I’m hungry” and Yunho answered to that with “Should I make snacks?” but Changmin’s answered next are “That would be good” followed with gibberish and that is when Yunho knew Changmin just talk in his sleep. The funnier thing is that is kind of sleeping habit and happened three times that week.

 

 

Changmin is not having proper rest last night. He sleeps late and wakes way too early. He takes longer time in bathroom and almost takes a bath again after dressing. If only there is no one knocks his door before he steps in to his bathroom. Changmin opens the door only to finds Yunho. He wears tees that the sleeves cover half of his palm and jacket over it. He also tied some of his hair. Changmin swears he finds Yunho dressed with more effort than usual. A little bit different because Yunho wears glasses. There is something with Yunho and glasses.

He comes early that morning; reasoned because he afraid if Changmin hasn’t has breakfast and meant to cook for him. But Changmin has a plan suddenly pops up in his head. He tells Yunho that he wants to breakfast somewhere. It makes Yunho’s face changes and he asks whether Changmin already bored with his cooking. “No! Absolutely not. Just the weather is good so… I want to go out now”. Yunho nods, he agrees with that. The weather today is indeed good.

 

“How’s the croissant?” Changmin asks in a nearest café from his apartment. Yunho looks not in his best condition; it makes Changmin feels the need to asks.

“Good…”

 But Yunho absolutely not look well. “You don’t like it?”

“I’m not picky.” It’s not about the food. And he used to croissant.

Hesitate but still asks. “You mad?”

“No… I’m just…”

“Tired?” He guesses.

Yunho nods a little. “Sort of” He is tired and sleepy and he knows what’ll coming in next few hours. There will be something that makes him must hide his nervousness.

“We can cancel this” Changmin states. He wants to have fun but if Yunho doesn’t feels well, he can cancel this.

“No!” Yunho answers instantly. “I’m okay. I’ve promised. I insist?” Yunho grabs the sleeve of Changmin sweater.

It’s pretty childish, Yunho’s act. Changmin likes it; seeing Yunho can push aside his seemingly always mature image. “Tell me if you want to rest. We can just sit on garden or…”

“It’s my day off. Make it worth it please?”

 

 

They go to Myeongdong, crowded area by bus and Yunho feels his chest being tied up. Nervous and sweaty. They enter the department store and get in to elevator. At first only 5 peoples in but someone stopped the small moving room and soon it filled with more peoples. Changmin and Yunho pushed to the back, corner and all Yunho worries is him get a panic attack. Definitely will be bad. Yunho always hates elevator. His breath is uneven and more cold-sweats come out. He closes his eyes half pray half assure that these peoples are not real and will be disappearing when he opens his eyes. He needs someone he can clutch. He need his cousin to sooth him or hugs him or just present there which he knows impossible because last night he called from US.

Yunho crosses his hand in front him as natural as possible that he actually protecting himself. A hand that matches Yunho’s well holds his right hand and brings it between their bodies. It’s warm and not smooth like girl’s hand. Yunho opens his eyes; his trembling hand squeezes on that hand, not painfully but tight enough. The owner of that hand smiles, know that Yunho trusted him. Changmin squeezes back, assures Yunho that he’s there for him, and the tremble can subsided. Yunho sighs in relieves. He can open his eyes and slowly breaths evenly. Changmin shamelessly stares at Yunho, smile at him even Yunho doesn’t look at him; too busy stabilized his breath.

The elevator open and most people come out. Changmin pulls Yunho’s hand. It’s not good for him to stay longer there but good thing he can hold Yunho’s hand like this; walk hand in hand.

Weekend is a crowded time; Yunho always hates time like this. He always avoids busy time like this. He holds Changmin’s hand and just let the older lead then wherever. They get in to a clothes store. Changmin means to get shirt for work. Yunho breaks their hand contact makes the older disappointed but that’s because Yunho thinks it will be difficult for Changmin to pick. “Yun?”

“Huh?” He looks a bit lost but he handling himself well.

“Do you want something?”

“Clothes?” Yunho asks back. He has lots already. “No. You looking for something particular?”

“Shirt?”

“For work? Mmm… You look good with every color”

 

 

They leave that store with a shirt on a paper bag. “Do you want something?” Changmin asks Yunho right after they get out. Yunho keeps his hand on his jeans pocket, he afraid if he keeps them outside, he’ll ends up squeezes the hem of his tees.

“Coffee”

“What?”

“I need coffee for home.” Remembering the coffee maker in his apartment and silly things he did yesterday. How come he bought coffee makes but has no coffee at all.  “But… I think I’ll buy it on that café” he afraid can’t find good coffee here.

“We can o there before go home” Changmin suggest. He has planned things for today, except today breakfast but he can add buying coffee at that spooky café. No biggie. “What if we cook together tonight? It’s been so long since last time we cook together.”

“It’s…just…sure” Yunho thinks Changmin must have hypnotized him for failed to reject his request, most of it.

“Come on!” Changmin holds Yunho’s wrist and Yunho naturally pulls out his hand from pocket to join their palm again. It’s warmer than before and Changmin must struggle to hide his smile. Yunho never reject him and it becomes natural. They just walking and sometimes stops randomly on stores. They have lunch at food court at bottom floor where Changmin picks cheese burger and French fries. Yunho wants fish and chips, and he gladly share with Changmin, he sort of losing appetite.

 

Shopping groceries with Yunho is quite interesting. Yunho seems to know his refrigerator more than himself. Not surprising since Yunho filled it whole week. Yunho asks him what he wanted to cook and then he tells Changmin what he should pick. Expert. Changmin mentally praised, the words comes out are different, “You seriously should take cooking school! You’ll make a great chef”

“I ever work on restaurant. The first job I get is peeling potatoes and chopping onion.” Yunho makes a pained expression on his words but after seeing Changmin worry face, his lips makes a curve. “I don’t think I would ever meet you if I entered cooking school instead chemical” Changmin freezes on that sentence. He can feel a nice pink color has spread across his cheek. “Why?” Yunho asks Changmin who is stops right now.

“Nothing” Changmin walks in front of Yunho, avoids Yunho’s eyes.

 

 

They cook together for dinner and also watch action movie together that Changmin’s borrowed from his neighbor. They also have popcorn. That was a great day for Changmin. He sees this as a date even he knows Yunho wasn’t thinking the same and is suffering by those crowds.

“Thanks” Changmin smiles in the darkness of that room. They’re already laid on bed.

“Why?” Yunho answers him after keep silent for quite a long time Changmin has sure Yunho is sleeping. Like the nights before, he only let Changmin sees his back.

“For today. It was great” Even he never do this with his previous girlfriends.

Yunho is not that well today, aside from his insomnia the night before. “Glad to hear. You didn’t look fine these days. Office pressure?”

Changmin looks at Yunho. He only catches his back and then looks at ceiling again “I’ve decide” Yunho waits for Changmin to continue “I’m gonna reveal it”

Yunho knows what Changmin talking about. It’s about scandal on the branch of that Choi’s corporation Changmin works at. “It won’t be easy” They both know it.

“I have you” his voice almost inaudible. No more words between them. Changmin tries to be closer, physically this time and Yunho just stay still, pretend to fall asleep. Changmin is tired and he falls to his dreamland quite fast, where he dreaming Yunho at him.

Yunho swifts his position. He looks at ceiling before look at Changmin direction. It’s dark but the street light makes it possible for him to see after his eyes adjusted. Calm is the first word Yunho choose to describe the sight. “I’m afraid to let you face it by yourself. That’s all my faults” Yunho traces Changmin face with his eyes, those round eyes is closed now. He is different and special. “Sleep well Changmin-ah! I’ll support you. I will not let them hurt you” Yunho is remembering Changmin’s scent he usually ignores. This person however has saved him today, from nth times of panic attack he almost got. Is he has trust this person that much?

For the first time he is thinking by looking at Changmin direction, it usually the opposite direction. He thinks about the best way to reveal scandal on Choi’s branch. To his own surprised, he falls asleep that night.

 

 

Yunho wakes earlier than Changmin. And when he first opens his eyes, he is too surprised that he opens his eyes wide. He fell asleep with someone aside to his cousin on his side. He sits and looks at his side intensely. He chanting in his mind that he fell asleep because of tiredness and it won’t happen again. Changmin is always looks cute when he sleeps. Yunho realizes this a little earlier. He likes to put aside Changmin’s locks. He sighs as low as possible and gets up from bed and then doing everything in silence from folds the bed to cooking. By the time Changmin’s alarm rings quite madly, the food almost ready. Changmin is actually pretends he wants to stay longer in bed because Yunho will squat on his side, say “Wake up, sleepyhead” and gives him a brightest smile for him to start the day. Thought it becomes a little problem for him because he would enter the bathroom and arouse tickles.

Both of them do their routine. For Yunho it means following (or stalking) Changmin to his office. He somehow managed to make Changmin brings a lunchbox. Because after 3 times watching Changmin eat something than consider to Yunho comment ‘improper things’, he can’t stand to see another day with that. Yunho goes to his biological mother place. He prefer to make it random time even he comes to see her every day. It’s because of Junjin and he has lost count of how many times did he catch him accompany his mother.

Yunho rarely asks Junjin to leave, but today is quite special. He asks him right away to leave them alone as far as possible. And as if not enough, he put his best bodyguard (a.k.a. his driver) to guard the door so that no one can get closer to the room, especially Junjin who looks at the door from a far with worry written all over his face. Junjin doesn’t really know this driver except from his good skill of driving. He put on a plain expression so that Junjin wouldn’t suspect him much. Junjin already suspects the driver, because Yunho is so careful about people, this one looks harmless though. But who knows what lies behind that calm face and tidy uniform?

 

Inside the room, claw, scram, tears, fist. And a young man receives them all. He holds it all or holds the woman to be exact. Nails bury on Yunho’s upper hands, leaving new scratches. It always like this if Yunho gets in to her sight and too close. His biological mother has put so many wounds on Yunho’s body. He firstly thinks he deserve those; as an abandoned child there must be reasons why his parents hates him. But all searches he did, he still hasn’t come to conclude. It’s only his parent problem and nothing to do with him. He only needs to look after himself if his parents don’t seem curious only about his name. Sure, it was his grandfather who gave him name. How would his parent know his name?

For now, he wants his life.

“Okay! I’ll go get that man! But remember! He is your husband and this is your life! You can’t hang your happiness to someone else!” His mother keep shaking his head, denying. Only her violent moves that stops. Yunho is getting impatient to this. He almost barks. “Listen! Because I want to live my own life, there are only two things that I might bring. It’s one or another! You hear me?!” He still tries to get her attention. He knows even she want to close her ears, she hears every bit of Yunho’s words. “I’ll bring that man here or… I’ll bring you divorce paper for you to sign with his sign on top of it”

For the first time her mother look at him, right in the eyes. Mixed emotion… “That’s all I can do for you…” It’s the scariest things that her mother never seen before. “Understand?” She nods and looks down, tears rolling “I understand” it’s a choking whisper he heard but not mistaken. The first conscious words her mom tells him. Yunho pulls her to his embrace, hugs and comforts her. “After that, it must become the starts of your new life. Are we deal?” his voice is much softer than before although it doesn’t heard that soothing. However she nods in Yunho’s embrace. As a son, he never imagine of doing this, comforting his biological mother from a shock just now.

They remind like that till she falls asleep and Yunho carry her to bed. After pull cover, Yunho gets out from the room. “Let’s go!” he order his driver who nod slightly before following his little boss. Yunho passes Junjin without glances at him a little bit. Even the older calls him; Yunho just completely ignores him like he’s invisible.

His driver asks after they’re far enough “Don’t you think you are too cruel over that man? He used to be your ‘big brother’ right?”

“What I’ve done?” he asks innocently

His driver gives a loud sigh. It won’t work to this stubborn young man. “Anyway, you want to drop by to change your clothes?” he sees some part of it has tears stained. Sure he also heard that woman cried.

“It would be nice. I will have lunch with grandfather; these clothes don’t seem to be appropriate now. After lunch, bring me the information I’ve asked you earlier!”

“Yes, Sir!”

 

 

 

After what Yunho would say as a boring speech during eating lunch, Yunho finally feels more ease on his car. “Looks like another speech from your grandfather?” His driver comments after seeing the expression on Yunho’s face.

“It always bored. Can’t leave me alone, can he. Where’s the info I want?”

“On your seat, Sir” Yunho reads the file. No change on his expression and his driver looks at him from the mirror “You’re not satisfied?”

“It’s impressive actually” Just like what he wants, include the dark things he already suspected long time ago; makes it easier to search.

“You want to see them?”

Yunho thinking sometime before decide. “Yes. Take me to Changmin’s apartment first and we go after that right away”

“Why?” he frowns. He doesn’t understand the part that Yunho wants to go to Changmin apartment first, moreover because the owner is still in his office.

“I need to prepare his dinner” He also meant to leaves memo to inform Changmin that he won’t be able to sleepover at Changmin’s home for next few days.

“How will you get in then?” He knows Yunho can open the door without the key, but it would be so lame. Unless Yunho means to wait Changmin but of course he’ll wait for hours.

“I’ve got the key”

His driver almost chokes. “This guy definitely, I dare to bet with my car, he loves you”

Yunho raises an eyebrow. “What?” Yunho knows how his driver loves his car. It means he is so sure to win. So it means… there is high possibilities that Changmin does have that feels for him.

“This why I call you stupid”

“Spill” Yunho doesn’t even sure he wants to hear. But he makes his voice as stern as possible.

“That’s should be your private life.” His driver is playing with him. “Just to warn you, you might be fall to this person.” Especially since Yunho feels the need to take care of this person by himself. “Is he good? The attitude I mean”

“Good. Smart too. He finished college in three years”

“Your parents will like him I guess. What? Do you think I never met them?” His driver looks at questioning face of his boss. His so called stupid when it comes to love matter.

Yunho brush it off. “Don’t talk nonsense!”

The driver seemingly wants to makes this innocent and stupid boss realizes his own act out of habit. “I remember you asked me to pick you after your date at Japanese restaurant last year”

“Last year?” Yunho says it low, try to remember what he done last year which suppose to be time in his college.

“You two went to that Japanese restaurant in town. First time I know you treat someone with bright face. It looks that you were comfortable with him.”

Yunho frowns and puts before the memory flashes. “Oh that? I was lazy to cook. Besides, I met him everyday back then.”

 

 

 

 

 

 

It's Changmin’s birthday… It’s a coincidence I post it in this date… ^^

Thanks for commenting in chapter 22. And for randomcassie  and Husna95 = I’m fine now but still can’t see the screen too long…