*This chapter was somewhat inspired by this song. I kept listening to it while writing. I do hope you will listen to it while reading too :) : The Last Goodbye - Billy Boyd*

I saw the light fade from the sky
On the wind I heard a sigh
As the snowflakes cover my fallen brothers
I will say this last goodbye

Seungho’s POV

“Aeri! Are you done yet? Breakfast is ready!” I shouted from the kitchen.

“Go get her, buddy.” I said to Pandy who was sitting next to Heeri, staring at the new addition to our family.

“Quit the staring match, guys.” I laughed, poking Pandy on his head.

He my hand and headed towards the room.

“Hey, cutie~” I smiled at Heeri and pinched his nose gently instead.

I returned to the kitchen to prepare breakfast for Aeri and myself.

“Hurry, sweetheart. You’re going to be late.” I said as she strolled out of the room with Pandy behind her.

“Why aren’t you changed?” I asked, surprised to still see her in her pajamas.

She looked at me and shook her head.

“What do you mean by that? Go get change. Hurry, please.” I said.

She shook her head again.

“Aeri, what’s wrong?” I asked, sitting down next to her.

“I don’t want to go to school today.” She said with a pout.

“And why is that so?” I asked.

She shrugged her shoulders.

“You’re not sick, you don’t have a reason. Go get changed.” I said.

“No.” She said.

“Aeri.” I called out calmly.

“No.” She said again.

I in a deep breath.

“Please don’t test my patience today.” I said.

 “I don’t want to! Don’t force me!” She shouted.

“There are a lot of things in life you don’t wish to do, but still have to do it. This is life. Sometimes you just don’t have a choice.” I said, heading to the room and grabbing her uniform.

“Put it on. I’ll pack your breakfast. Hurry.” I said, leaving her uniform on the couch.

“I SAID NO!!!!” She screamed and flipped the cup onto the floor.

Night is now falling
So ends this day
The road is now calling
And I must away
Over hill and under trees
Through lands where never light has shone
By silver streams that run down to the Sea

That was my limit. I never liked it when she threw tantrums like that.

“I always told you, if you want something, you ask, you reason, you speak. If you raise your voice and throw tantrums like that, I am not going to give you anything. You have exactly five minutes to pick that cup up, clean the floor and get change.” I warned her.

She started crying and I turned my back. I never liked to use this tone of voice to speak to Aeri, but she left me with no choice.

All the way to school, she cried and pleaded me not to send her to school.

Just before letting her go to class, I pulled her to a corner and squatted down to her level.

“What is it? What is up with you this morning? Tell me. I am listening.” I said.

“I don’t want to go to school!” She cried, hugging me tightly.

“Then where do you want to go? Why don’t you want to go to school? Is someone bullying you? Tell me.” I said.

“I want to see Jeongie unnie! I’ll go to school tomorrow!” She cried.

“I’ll pick you up in the afternoon and bring you to see her. Will that do?” I tried to coax her.

“No! No! No! I don’t want it later! I want it now! Appa, please!” She cried really hard.

“Aeri, please.” I said, drying her tears with the pad of my thumb.

“I’ll come in the afternoon. I promise you. I wouldn’t be late.” I said.

She did not answer me, instead, her head hung low, her tears dripping all over her shoes.

 “Is she alright?” Her teacher asked me as I walked her to the gate.

“Morning tantrum. She should be fine.” I said.

“We’ll look out for her.” She said.

“Thanks.” I said, handing Aeri’s breakfast and bag to her teacher.

I stood outside for quite awhile. To say I was not worried would be an obvious lie. Aeri may be stubborn and temperamental, but she is not one who throws a tantrum at random. She knows my ways.

I headed back home to let Heeri take his nap while I did work for Junhyung before planning to go to the hospital to visit Min Jeong.

After Heeri was born, I did not spend as much time as I used to in the hospital. As much as I wanted to be with Min Jeong 24/7, I did not want to raise Heeri in the hospital. But whenever Doojoon is on duty, he would video call me with his phone so I could see and talk to Min Jeong. I owe this guy so much.

Under clouds, beneath the stars
Over snow one winter’s morn
I turned at last to paths that lead home
And though where the road then takes me
I cannot tell
We came all this way
But now comes the day
To bid you farewell

I did not manage to complete much work when my phone rang. It was Aeri’s teacher.

“Is Aeri throwing a tantrum again?” I asked.

“No, but she has been silently sobbing at a corner since you left.” Her teacher said.

My heart ached at those words.

“Alright. I’ll come get her.” I sighed.

“We can try to make her sleep if it isn’t convenient for you to come right now.” She said.

“No. It’s good.” I said.

“Okay, see you.” She ended the call.

I picked Heeri up and put him in his pram. I cannot help but laugh at how unaffected he was with the environment.

“You sleep so well~” I kissed his forehead gently.

I arrived at Aeri’s school. I stood outside her classroom, looking at her. She was hugging her knees at a corner, her head buried in between them.

“Seungho sshi, you’re here.” Her teacher said when she saw me.

“Hey~” I greeted her.

“Aeri is usually not like this. Did something happen?” She asked.

“I have no idea.” I said.

“Kids have bad days too, I guess, and today is one of those days.” I continued.

She nodded.

Many places I have been
Many sorrows I have seen
But I don’t regret
Nor will I forget
All who took that road with me

I walked towards Aeri and squatted down in front of her.

“Darling~” I called out softly.

She looked up. Her eyes were puffy and her tear-stained cheeks were red.

“Appa~” She choked out, hugging me tightly.

“Shhh~ I am here. Let’s go, alright? We will do whatever you want to.” I said, carrying her up.

I thanked her teacher and headed out.

I put her down and squat down to her eye-level. She looked down, avoiding eye-contact with me.

“Hey~” I said, lifting her chin lightly.

“It’s okay.” I said, kissing her cheek.

“We’ll go do fun stuff. What do you want to do?” I asked.

She shook her head and hugged me, leaning her head against my shoulder.

“You want to see Min Jeong unnie?” I asked.

She nodded.

“Okay, we’ll go.” I said, picking her up in my arms.

Her school was not far from the hospital, so I decided to walk, and at the same time let Aeri get some air.

Night is now falling
So ends this day
The road is now calling
And I must away
Over hill and under tree
Through lands where never light has shined
By silver streams that run down to the Sea

We arrived at the hospital in about half an hour. The moment we got out of the lift, I sensed something wrong.

I put Aeri down and held her hand instead while I almost ran to Min Jeong’s room.

Nurses were running in and out of her room. I see Junhyung pacing up and down the corridor.

“SEUNGHO HYUNG!” He yelled when he saw me.

“Where were you!? Why didn’t you answer my calls!?” He yelled.

He kept on talking, but I heard nothing. Everything was blurred, his voice, the people around. All I saw was Min Jeong from the small gap of the door.

What is happening? What is going on?

“Seungho hyung~” Doojoon called out as he stepped out of the room, looking extremely exhausted.

I did not like the way he looked at me.

“Tell us, Doo. Tell us.” Junhyung beat me to it.

Instead of words coming out from his mouth, tears flowed from his eyes. Junhyung hurried to hug him.

I sank into the seat and buried my face into my palms. I felt a pair of warm palms touch my knees, but I did not look up.

“The good news is that she is still breathing. Just that… I… we… do not know for how much longer will she…” Doojoon said, but was unable to continue.

She was doing fine, but her condition took a turn for the worse out of a sudden when she developed a fever that refuse to go away since a few days ago. Her heart stopped for the third time this week, each time stopping longer than before.

This is too much to take in. I felt so guilty out of a sudden. Why wasn’t I here with her? How can I not be here?

I stepped into the room. It was so quiet that the beeping coming from the support machines were so loud that they were deafening. I sat down next to her, wrapping my warm palms around her cold hand.

“Hey, beautiful.” I said, smiling at her. I tucked a stray strand of her hair behind her ear.

She may have given birth, but my body could still feel hers. That means, whenever she is unwell, I will be the first to feel it, because I would feel the same. This is not couvade syndrome anymore. I believe this is what love is all about; when two souls bind to become one. And this time I could feel her tiredness. I could feel her losing the will to fight on.

To these memories I will hold
With your blessing I will go
To turn at last to paths that lead home
And though where the road then takes me
I cannot tell
We came all this way
But now comes the day
To bid you farewell

“I know you are tired. I can feel it in my bones.” I said, swallowing hard so I could not cry.

“You’ve fought so long. You’ve been so brave. Do you know that? How brave you are? You brought our bundle of joy to this world despite being in this state. Mothers are the world’s strongest and bravest people, but Jeongie, you are another level higher.” I continued, squeezing her hand tightly.

I had a lot to tell her, but at that moment, I could only look at her. I cannot help but wonder how much longer do I have to look at this beautiful face? I do not know how long have passed. I finally stood up and picked up that lone guitar by the side.

‘Can you believe it that in my dreams you are a princess that's fallen inside magic spell. Even though my gestures towards you are always so difficult for me.’

I started singing. Min Jeong loved it when I sang.

‘However, it's always a promise that I'm going to save you again, no matter what. I put my two hands together and prayed, for endless courage and wisdom.’

But I always rejected her request to sing for her, because I thought I sounded like a crow. I still do think that way, but today, I just want to sing for her.

‘Past the magic castle and over the swamps, I see you far away inside darkness' cave. Now hold onto my hand. Can't you feel our bodies rising?’

Min Jeong always say ‘whatever words lack, music makes up for it’. And she is not wrong. Music is a universal language after all.

‘Even if we fly high up into the sky, freely, don't be scared. The world unraveling in front of us can be so special if we're together.’

I put the guitar down and closed my eyes, picturing her smiling and clapping her hands like a fan-girl.

“Darling, you’ve been strong. You’ve fought hard. I know you’re tired. I… I know. I…” I said.

I searched for her hand and held it closely to my chest.

“Don’t worry about anything, baby girl. I will bring the kids up. I will teach them to become fine adults. I will be there for them. I will play my part as well as yours. I wouldn’t deny that it will be tiring, but it’s okay. I will cope. I will do just fine.” I said, choking back on my tears.

“I am not trying to push you away or make you leave me. Nothing of this sort. But I feel your tiredness. I love you so much the last thing I want is for you to feel tired, to hurt, to feel uncomfortable.” I said, letting myself cry.

“If you must die, Sweetheart, die knowing your life was my life’s best part.” I said, after which, I collapsed onto her chest, bawling my eyes out.

I said it. I said those words I have been holding at my throat. I let her go.

I bid you all a very fond farewell.

Just then, I felt a gentle weight on the back of my head and fingers caressing my hair lightly. 

***
Happy New Year. May 2015 be your greatest year yet.