WHAT DO I DO?
S.W.A.G.(secretly we are gay) (Discontinued)Taeyeon’s pov
“uh, Sooyoungie!” I saw the giant making her way towards the kitchen while rubbing her eyes. “ have you seen Yuri?”
She nodded and spoke not before gargling some mouth wash. “She went out.early. maybe around 2 or 3?” Sooyoung answered unsurely.
“really?” I asked myself. “did she tell you why?”
Sooyoung was making her cup of coffee.
“waffles on the pan.” I said and she nodded.
“thanks.” She got some waffles and sat beside me. “ she was rushing and I just went out of my room to drink some water.” Sooyoung took a bite on her waffle. “I don’t even think she’s aware of her miss matched shoes.” The younger girl chuckled at the thought.
“uhm..” I nodded.
“morning.” Sooyoung greeted the yawning Tiffany.
“morning Sooyoung.” Tiffany waved her hands in a childlike manner. She was walking with her eyes closed as she grabbed the chair in front of me and it somehow made me smile seeing her like this, tousled hair and dishevelled clothes, noting beat this Tiffany.
“Sooyoungie have you seen Taeyeonnie?” Tiffany asked still with her eyes closed.
Sooyoung looked at me then to Tiffany. She chuckled and shrugged. “haven’t seen her in ages.” she winked at me.
I was looking at Tiffany wondering where this conversation is going.
Still with her eyes closed and a small pout. She said “I miss her.”
“You see her every day.” Sooyoung said while munching on her food.
Before Tiffany could even answer I stood up on my chair quietly.
“where…” Sooyoung mouthed her question at me.
“my room” I mouthed back. She nodded her head and chuckled to herself as she shooed me away.
As I walk towards my room I could still hear them talking.
Do I want to hear what Tiffany has to say? Hell, yeah, I do.
Am I ready to hear what she has to say? No, I don’t think so. Plus it’s not like she would tell me she loves me,right?…..what the hell?
I plopped down to my bed and grabbed my phone, I typed in a text for Yuri asking her of her whereabouts and after that I browsed through my phone and ended up looking at Tiffany’s picture on my phone.
“Aigoo, why does it have to be you? Why does everything have to end up with you?” I asked as I zoom in at her face. “why do you have to be so pretty?” I said as I shamelessly gawk at her picture. “and so y?” I zoomed in on her body. “shiiiiiiit”. I groaned when I realized what I’m doing.
“yah! Look what you’ve done to me!” I blamed her picture in front of me.
“you okay Tae?” Tiffany was standing by the frame of my door.
Should I pretend I’m asleep?. I quickly turned to my side and faked some soft snores.
“can I come in?”
“…….”
Tiffany let out a loud sigh.
“I know you’re not sleeping Tae.” Her voice sounded closer.
“……” more fake snores.
“yah!” she hits me hard with a pillow. “I know you’re not asleep so stop pretending. You jerk.” She keeps on hitting me with the pillow and though it does not hurt it does feel annoying.
“Can you please stop Stephanie?”
She stopped, knowing all too well that I’m annoyed just by telling her name.
“wow, I can’t believe you still have the nerve to be annoyed after ignoring me last night.” She said in a disbelieving tone with a slight hint of hurt……or maybe it’s just me thinking that she sounded hurt.
I scoffed “ come on Tiffany I was just tired and for the record I did not ignore you. We talked, remember?”
“oh is that what you call talking?” she hit me yet again with a pillow she had grabbed from nowhere.
“Will you please stop hitting me with my pillow?” I said in the softest tone I could muster. “we did talk, Tiffany.”
“Saying that we did talk last night, but Tae, you left me there hanging….”
She looked at me as I sit on my bed, with my back leaning on the headboard.
“know you know how it feels to wait for nothing.” I murmured.
“what?” she asked.
“I said I’m sorry.” Damn, I’m now mentally punching myself. Why am I so whipped?
“that’s all?” She prodded.
“It’s not as if there’s more to say.” I said indifferently.
“Tae….” She pushed back her hair in an obvious annoyance but was trying oh so hard not to yell at me. “what are you doing?” she asked.
“what?” now I’m genuinely confused.
“this? Why are you doing this to me?”
I was just sitting there acting like a fish out of water. “I…I…what do you mean?” why did it sounded like the song.
Tiffany gave me a look.
“are you trying to make me jealous?” she flushed out of embarrassment.
“wha….NO!”
“then why Janhae?” she pouted.
“huh? What? why are you asking me this?”
“why Janhae?” she repeated now with more confidence in her voice. “what’s up with her?”
Still not knowing where this is heading, I asked her back. “why Nickhun?”
She was unable to talk.
“knock, knock.” Sooyoung knocked on the door with a wide grin on her face. “hey, ladies, can you smell it?”
“what smell?” we both asked.
“the tensionnnnnn.” She broke out a boisterous laugh. “kidding aside, what’s with the serious talk?” she asked as she walk towards us.
“nothing.” Tiffany said as she made some room for Sooyoung to sit.
“realllllyyyyy?” she squinted her eyes at us.
“yes, really.” Tiffany forced a smile. “anyway, I think I still have to do something, so I guess I’ll go now.” She shuffled awkwardly.
Just when she was about to go out of my room I spoke. “ Tiffany…”
She looked back at me, curiously. “whatever you think I’m doing…I’m not doing it….”
Tiffany frowned in confusion.
“dude what?” Sooyoung butted in.
I waved my hand at Sooyoung. “I’m not making you jealous.” I said in a matter of fact tone.
Sooyoung’s mouth formed an “O”
“I just think that it’s fine that I get to eat out with anyone I like. I mean that’s what you do, right?” I shrugged, faking nonchalance.
Tiffany looked straight into my eyes but I can’t tell what’s about it this time. “I understand.” She quietly said before completely going out of my room.
The thoughts about the look Tiffany gave me was cut short when I heard Sooyoung’s slow clap.
“Damn Taeng, that was cold.” She chuckled.
“Was it harsh?” I asked, worried if I went overboard.
“Realities are always cold and harsh, Taeng.” Sooyoung lied down on my bed, her long legs dangling off the bed. “You just told her what you feel, you don’t have to be sorry for it.”
I ruffled my hair out of frustration.
“I’m glad you barged in at the right time, cause I really don’t know what to do…” I sighed.
Sooyoung chuckled as she looked up at me.
“You know what to do Tae. You’re just too nice to pull it all off.” She signalled me to move closer.
I moved closer to her.
“awww. ” Sooyoung pulled my hair. “what was that for?”
“ A little pull to wake you up from your martyrdom.” She giggled.
A mastered a wide grin while rubbing my head.
“Can’t help it though, but I know my limitations Soo.”
“You should be. She still has her boyfriend, you know?” She gave me a pat on my leg.
“That I’m fully aware off.” I groaned in displease.
Sooyoung chuckled at me and ruffled my hair.
“You sure is whipped Taeng.”
I chuckled and shrugged.
“Damn my friends are lovesick fools.” She shook her head with a wide smile on her face.
“Oh, please Soo. You’re just as bad as we are.” I wiggled my eyebrow.
She gave me a knowing smile.
“Were still just dating.” A small blush was evident on her face.
“Is he nice? Cause if he’s not, I swear I’ll pull his……”
“He’s really nice Taeng, you should meet him.”
“I thought you’d never say that. Give us the date so Yuri and I can see if your guy is good or not.” I crossed my arms.
Sooyoung stifled a laugh as she stood up from my bed.
“Ok mom.” She rolled her eyes. “ Sh*t Taeng you don’t have to be so protective.” She was still chuckling.
“Hey, I’m just making sure you won’t get hurt.” I pretended to be hurt from her words.
“I know and I thank you for that.” She winked at me as she walks towards my door. “I just hope you find someone who’ll care for you much more than you care for us. That’s an honest wish.”
“Should I cry now?” I joked and let out my ahjumma laugh.
“ you I’m serious.” She flipped her hair and laughed as she went out of my room.
“At least some people still wishes me well.” I laughed to myself. I let out a loud sigh as I continued to look at my phone. “Hwang Miyoung, I love you for real.”
I was about to keep my phone when suddenly a phone call arrived.
“Hello?”
“Taeyeon-ah.”
“oh, hi oppa” I smiled. “is there a problem?”
Manager oppa laughed. “Do you really think I only call when something is wrong?”
“Do you really want me to answer that?” I chuckled.
“Hey, that’s just one time, okay?” he defended.
“I could show you my list if you want.” I laughed. “ anyways, what is it this time?”
“List my .” he grunted. “Nothing much I just want to discuss future activities with you guys. Knowing that Christmas is just around the corner and you know how it goes. New year, new activities, new plans, plenty of eye bags.” We both laughed.
“More money.” I added.
“Yeah and that too.” He chuckled.
“So when is the date?”
“you made it sound as if I’m going to get married.” He chuckled.
“well, you’re at the age where you’re supposed to get married.” I shrugged with a smile.
“are you implicitly saying that I’m old?”
“I did not say that! Where did that came from?” I faked a gasp and manager oppa laughed.
“You dork.” I gasped again but this time it was real. “We’ll have our meeting at SMent building. I’ll pick you up at your dorm on Thursday at around 10 am.”
“ok, noted.”
“Don’t forget to tell everyone, okay?”
“Sure.”
“Okay, nice. Bye Taeyeon-ah.”
“See ya handsome oppa.”
She let out a boisterous laugh. “I’ll treat you an ice cream on one of this days.” He laughed even more before ending the call.
I quickly went out of my room and looked for members who are around the dorm so I don’t have to message them ad wonder if they have read it or not.
I went straight to the living room upon hearing that the tv was on and there I found my tall friend.
“Sooyoung-ah, meeting at Thursday, make sure you won’t have anything by that day, okay?”
The shikshin gave me a thumbs up while still looking at the tv.
“have you seen the others?” I asked.
She nodded. “Sunny, Tiffany, Yoona and Maknae are on their rooms.”
“thanks.”
I went to tell each member to clear their schedules this Thursday until I stopped before the ever familiar pink door.
Should I knock?
I was busy debating with myself until I heard soft sobs inside the room.
Maybe I’m crazy or maybe I’m just really really whipped.
Now here I am standing in front the girl I love, not knowing what to do as I watch her wipe her tears.
“Taetae?” her voice was shaky.
“w..why are you crying?” I asked as I took a step closer to her.
She bit her lips as she tries her best not to cry.
“nothing I was just……” She paused put her head down and took a deep breath. “I’m sorry.”
I furrowed my eyebrows as I kneeled before her, catching her by surprise.
I stared right in her eyes and asked her what the problem is.
“You don’t deserve this Tae.” A tear escaped. “I find it hard to sleep at night, my conscience is eating me, Tae you don’t deserve this.”
I kept mum as she silently cried, Slowly I reached for her hand and kissed it.
She balled her fist after I did so.
“Taeyeon-ah I don’t deserve your love.” She looked straight into my eyes and I felt scared.
I could feel the hairs at my nape rising. It was as if cold water was splashed right at my face.
“a-are you rejecting me?” Damn it I was not supposed to stutter.
She just stared back at me with that look I can’t put a name on.
“It’s not fair to make you wait, It’s not fair for Khun. Tae I don’t want to hurt you both.”
Cold. Hard. Truth . Damn it.
I gave a bitter chuckle and a nod.
“it’s fine I understand.” I faked the widest grin I could master as I stood up.
“Tae, I’m sorry.” She reached out to touch my arm but I couldn’t help but flinch.
She looked hurt. We’re both hurt.
“s-sorry.” I touched her hand again and gave it a firm squeeze. “I kinda know from that start that loving you more than a friend is a long shot. I mean this is bound to happen anyways.”
She stood up and hugged me. I froze from my spot as she held me tighter.
“I love you Tae, you know that. I just can’t give you what you want right now. I don’t want to ask for more time because that’s just not fair.”
“It’s okay Fany-ah, I know you tried.” I patted her back. “Let’s just go back to how we were before this all happened.”
She pulled away and she studied my face. I gave her a smile and she smiled back as she nods.
“but Fany-ah, can I ask you a favour?” I pulled away from the hug and held her on an arm’s length.
“what is it?” she asked.
“you know I still love you right? Like more than friends.” I took her silence as a sign for me to continue. “It’s just that I need some time to remove this all out of my system….I hope you don’t mind if we lessen the skinship.”
She opened but closed it again as she nodded in agreement.
I smiled. “thanks.”
We both smiled.
“oh, anyways I came here to tell you that we’ll have a meeting this Thursday, uhm oppa will be here at 10.”
Again she nodded.
“uh…I’ll get going now.” I awkwardly pointed the door and I run out of the room and closed the door.
I leaned at the pink door and held my chest.
Ouch. . .
My tears we’re threatening to fall.
I took out my phone and texted Yuri.
-Yuri-ah, where are you? Can we talk? I don’t know what to do….
I pressed send and put back my phone on my pocket.
I walked towards the kitchen, grabbed a pint of ice cream and a bag of gummy bears.
“Tae you okay?” Sooyoung asked.
I gave her a thumbs up and a smile.
“just hungry.” I showed her the ice cream and the gummy bears. She didn’t look convinced but she nodded anyways.
I went back to my room opened the ice cream and as soon as I tasted the ice cream my tears flowed out.
……………………………..
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