YURI’S POV

*Taeyeon calling*

I watched the screen of my phone blink several times as Taeyeon tries to contact me.

“I was just at the back of the resto.” I said to my phone, hoping it would stop when I said so.

“I know.”

I jumped a little when I heard someone’s voice coming from my back.

“Seohyun.” I held my chest with a smile as I look at her walking closer to where I am. “How’d you know I’m here?”

She sat beside me on the swing and smiled.

“would you believe if I said it was because of telepathy?” she giggled.

I chuckled and answered a ‘no’.

“I was expecting that.” She smiled. “ I saw you when you went out of the van and went straight here, I was curious so I followed you.” she stared around the place and said. “ I didn’t know this restaurant has a garden on its back.”

I nodded. “ pretty isn’t it? Not all customers know about this place.”

We fell into silence as we continue to slowly swing back and forth.

“unnie..”

I look at Seohyun and smiled.

“If you’re gonna ask me why I cried…then I’ll have to say the whole story right?” I said without looking at her.

“yes..I mean no..” she said. “you can or cannot tell me, I don’t want you to feel obliged or anything, unnie.” She shyly said.

“no it’s okay, but I’m actually worried that I might just bore you out.” I bowed my head and let out a chuckle. “you can still change your mind.” I look at her with a smile.

She smiled back and shook her head. “do you really think that self-help book are that interesting? I kept on reading those kinds so I can be ready for times like this.” She giggled.

I know she was just joking but I find it amusing to hear those kinds of words from her.

“fine. But if you ever feel bored and wanted to yawn and sleep I wouldn’t mind, really.”

“just tell it to me, before I really get bored with all these briefings.” She gripped the rope of the swing tightly as she intently look at me.

I chuckled and nodded as I proceeded.

……..

I could barely remember the year but I was sure that it was one of those times were I was still training to be an idol when my heart started to beat erratically for an unknown reason for a certain someone.

Unknown reason? Who am I kidding anyways? Of course I know why my heart was beating in a crazy way. I’ve felt it before but I was just too scared to admit it on myself for the second time around.

I was too scared because when I felt this feeling my world started to fall in a dramatic down spiral. It was that month when my first ever serious relationship ended. I don’t know why something so, precious and beautiful had to end so soon, yet at the back of my mind I was still thinking that everything happens for a reason and that it all happened for the best. Well that’s what I’d like to think.

I could still see clearly in my head how her face looked like when she asked me to remove my shoes before entering the practice room. I was fooled and from that moment in time, I knew it won’t be the last foolish act I would be doing for her.

Like a fool, I waited for her too look at me….

And she did…

She did look at me…

As a friend.

Funny how we ended up on the same group, at first I was feeling lucky but then I realized that I just put myself in my own personal black hole. If I could just back out and change things, I would.

“take my hand when you feel scared.” I told her one time before we perform on our debut stage.

She stopped biting her nails and stared at my hand.

She reluctantly put her hand on mine and said. “ I’m not scared, I just don’t want you to be embarrassed.”

I held her hand tightly and chuckled at how she failed miserably to pretend that she’s a toughie.

From then on she would always hold my hand. Not because she was scared but because she wanted warmth. I’d like to think that I was the only person who could provide her such feeling but as time passed by and we met new people. I realized that it was not warmth I could give her. There was something more I’d like her to feel, something more that I could give.

Day by day I wish and pray that my feelings would change, that somehow it would falter but to no avail it did not. I was scared that time will come and I won’t be able to control all this feelings. Who would have thought that I would be able to hide it for seven long and agonizing years?

“Yuri, are you still awake?”

I look towards the door and saw her peeping through it.

“I’m still wide awake.” I said, though my voice totally tells the opposite.

She signalled me to go out my room, which I gladly did. It was the first time we went out of the country and unluckily we we’re not roommates.

“wha…” I was not able to finish my word when she suddenly hugged me tightly. “Jessica.” Her name went as a whisper as it came out of my mouth.

She hugged me tighter and snuggled at my chest.

“let’s just stay a bit more like this.” She mumbled.

With my face blushing madly I nodded my head.

It was every time she would hug me that I would feel like I was really important and needed. More than the feeling of her hands on mine, it was the beating of her heart when she hug me is what made me think that somehow, at least somehow she too feels what I feel whenever she’s near.

“does this colour suits me?”

I don’t want to look at her actually because I know that I would just blush and she would just think that I’ve got fever but at this moment I need to. I was the only person she’s with as she changes her hair colour.

“I..I think that colour really suits you.” I said as I look at her through the mirror.

She smiled at me and went to sit at the long table in front of me.

“thanks.” She said as she stares at her feet which were dangling as she sat hanging on the table.

I was about to answer her that it was nothing but she continued to speak and was now staring at me while she fidget with her fingers.

“Thank you for coming here with me. Thank you for putting up with my mood swings. Thank you for making me smile. Thank you for always staying with me. Thank you for talking to me till dawn when I can’t sleep because of Sooyoung’s loud snoring…” she giggled and so did I. “thank you for holding my hand when I needed strength, for hugging me when I needed warmth. Thank you for being Yuri.” She smiled at me shyly.

“I have more to say but it would take us forever to mention it all and I’m pretty sure you’ll be doing more things that I would be thankful for in the future.”

I stood up and hugged her.

“I’m doing all those things not because I wanted you to thank me, those were just a bonus. I’m doing all those stuffs and will continue to do so, because I want you to be happy and because….because I love you.”

She gave me a small shy smile.

“ I love you too.” She nodded as she said.

I just love her too much that I can’t even help but fall in love all over again with just the mention of her name. I told her I love her, numerous times. Did she take it for real? Maybe yes, she took it for real in a friendly kind of way. If she only knows the effects of telling she loves me back, she would have never said it as often. Every time she tells I love you too, I can’t help it, but my hopes went high, so high that it never made me stop on pursuing her.

Hoping that someday all these hardships would pay off.

“Jessica!”

It was raining heavily outside and Jessica as the babo as she is was running out and was dancing under it.

“it’s cold, it’s dark…come dance with me.” She shouted at me.

I was holding the umbrella as I walk towards her.

“you’ll get sick.” I covered her with the umbrella.

She was dripping wet from the rain and all she did was grin at me.

“let’s be crazy just for this night.” She hugged me tightly and it made me shriek as I felt her cold body against mine.

“we’ve been crazy for too long, what difference thus tonight make?” I chuckled as I let go of the umbrella.

“this.”

She tiptoed and kissed me on my lips. It was soft and quick yet it lingered for too long on my mind.

“w..what was that for?” I stuttered as I touched my lips with a blush on my face.

“that’s for…..” she stopped as she to touched her lips with a smile. She looked down on her feet then to me. “do I need to have a reason?” she grinned as she moved further away from me and continued to dance under the rain like nothing happened.

First kiss, do I even have to explain how it feels? Just like a pastry which was made delicately out of a master’s hand her lips felt like it melted as soon as it met mine. The kiss lasted for a second and I would lie if I say that it was enough. Like a drug she just made me want for more. I really wanted more. How I wish she kissed me because she loves me and not because she just wanted too.

“why do you have to be so clumsy.” I said at her as I apply some cream on her wounded left leg. “where’d you get this anyways?”

I look at her and my heart skipped a beat as I look at her biting on her lower lip.

“Hey, I’m talking to you.” I patted her other leg to get her to speak.

“I..uh..on the running man set, maybe?” she scratched her head as she tries to recall.

I chuckled a bit.

“How can you not be sure? A wound this big, you should’ve felt it as soon as you had it.”

She winced as I blew at her wound.

“stop scolding me.” She pouted as she tack her hands in between her legs.

“I’m not scolding you… I was just..I was just. Uh…emphasizing your numbness.” I chuckled at the doubling meaning of my chosen word.

She frowned and softly kicked me with her right foot.

“aww, that hurts, numb Sica.”

She laughed as she shook her head when she looked at me.

As I look back through all those times I have been beside her I just realized that I’ve had too much roles that I portrayed. I’ve been a fool, I’ve been her hero, I’ve been her friend and I’ve been her secret lover. I’ve been her doctor, I’ve been her walking diary and I’ve been anything she wanted me to be. Will I ever get tired? Maybe not, at least not now that I know that she hates me. I don’t want to be in those times that when she hears my name all she would remember was the Yuri who she hated. I want her to remember me as the Yuri who was her friend and her secret lover (hopefully).

It took me less than a day to fall in love with her. That day I saw her in the same practice room, dancing. It was easy to ask for her name but to start a decent conversation was pretty hard. I was stuttering miserably and I couldn’t even look her in the eyes. She would’ve thought I’m retarded but to my luck she did not. During those times she would often be left behind the class practicing till her body tells her to stop and I admire her for that, she’s been a trainee for a long time and I just simply fall harder as I see her working hard. How her brows would furrow as she fell into a series of concentration or How she would unconsciously bite her lips as she can’t get something on the first try. All those little things that person would not notice at her, I had mentally noted them each inside my head.

She was mad at me, she hated me, yes. But that was never enough for me to stop. I’ve been loving her for so long and now that she knew it, why would I stop? Is it because I’m a lesbian? And that love was only for a man and a woman? Is it because she’s in love with someone else, who in actual doesn’t even care a bit for her?. For the longest time Jessica had been my air, so tell me why I would stop going after my air. I don’t want to survive, I want to live, live and spend it with her.

I won’t tell that I still feel fine after all those things she did and said that would be a lie, I’m still a human after all and I get hurt once in a while. But I’m Kwon Yuri, if Jessica used to be thankful for my existence then I must say that maybe I should make her remember, that here I am. I love her no matter what. Hate me love me I’d be sticking with her till she get tired of me and just tell me to knock it off and let’s just get married and make wonderful babies.

……..

“Hey! What’s with that face.”

I stopped swinging my seat and chuckled at Seohyun’s unreadable facial expression.

She stared at me and I nodded.

“unnie is gay, you can like puke now or anything.” I rolled my eyes as I sassily waved my hand.

“unnie.” Seohyun mumbled.

“what? Never seen a lesbian before?” I chuckled.

She stood up on her swing and stood before me.

“you mean you like Jessica unnie and she hates you for that?” she meekly asked.

“uh, yeah. Sort of I think.” I shrugged.

She punched my shoulder and said.

“damn! Why don’t you just marry me instead?”

I look at her unbelievingly and laughed loudly.

“like seriously? Aren’t you supposed to be mad and tell me stuffs like ‘unnie you disappoint me.’ Or something like ‘unnie, what would happen if people knew about this?’. Things like that, you know?”

She frowned.

“I can’t believe you still think that I’m an innocent and uptight person, you disappoint me unnie.” She shook her head.

I smiled and stood up.

“I was just surprised.” I said.

“puh-lease it’s not like I’m thirteen, you and the rest of my other unnies should really stop acting like I’m still a baby.”

I laughed as she rolled her eyes.

“not a baby eh? Have you had with Yonghwa?” I laughed as her face contorted into disgust.

“unnie!” she shrieked.

“see!” I laughed.

“I’ve never had with him, maybe tell some other guy’s name.”

My eyes almost popped out at what she said.

“hyunnie….”

Now it was her turn to laugh.

“I was just kidding you oldie! I’m still as pure as a .”

I raised an eyebrow suggestively.

“really? Lemme see?” I pretended to raise her skirt and she replied with a loud shriek and I just received a slap on my face.

“that’s for being a byun with your baby sister.” She laughed at my face.

“awwww. That hurts.” I whinned but still managed to laugh.

……….

Before going back at the restaurant I thanked Seohyun for understanding me and I even asked her to keep it as a secret for the mean time. With her innocent smile and a nod I just realized that again, I was lucky to be a part of this family called, girls’ generation.

……..

DORM.

“excuse me.”

I was about to enter my room when I heard the familiar voice that I missed more than anything called for my attention.

“yes?” I asked back without looking at her.

“we’ll be having our concert in Taiwan….” She started.

“heard about that.”

“manager oppa was doubting if we were okay and he wanted us to prove we’re fine….”

“and what you want is?” I asked her.

“I wanted you to act like we’re fine.” She said.

I let out a small smile even if she can’t see it.

“I don’t have to act because I’m fine with you. I’m okay with you.” I said.

She did not speak for a moment. I heard her breath deeply before speaking.

“it’s settled then, I’m gonna act and you’ll be natural as you say….” I can picture her smirking as she said. “but please be careful because one of my member fell in love with me and I’m sure strangers like you might fall even harder.”

I closed my eyes and bit my lips. I nodded and said.

“don’t worry I’m used to falling in love harder with you every day. I guess I could handle more each day.” I turned to her and smiled. “ I maybe a stranger to you but you won’t be stranger for me. I guess we’ll have to deal with each other on this way.”

She glared at me.

“cute.” I smiled as I step closer to her. “Goodnight, baby.” I pulled her wrist and kissed her on the crown of her head. “hope you dream of this stranger.” I patted her head before walking away.

I chuckled when I heard her stomp her foot in annoyance.

“oh, and one more thing!.” I used my hand as a speaker as I said. “ I love you!”

She groaned and I let out a victorious smile.

As the saying goes it takes two to tango~