After our landslide victory on the recent Youtube music awards, which I may say was a controversial yet a haters gonna hate winning. I still am thankful of how our sones and other K-pop fans have done just to get a Korean act inside a heavily westernized pop culture. I mean guys we had beat lady gaga, Justin bieber, demi lovato and other popular artists. We’re actually like the best girl group ever, no doubt about that.

“yah! Kwon Yuri!”

I rolled my eyes when the midget’s loud voice interrupted my trains of thought about the recent ytma but anyways we are now here on our concert venue in Hong Kong where we’ll be practicing some blockings for the concert.

“coming ahjumma!” I shouted back as I fix my clothes, I opened the door and was surprised to see Sooyoung, YoonA and Tiffany grinning widely before me.

“I see you guys are happy.” I grinned back. “what’s up?” I asked.

Sooyoung revealed a bouquet of flowers.

“Someone sent you flowers.” Tiffany eye smiled at me.

“again.” Yoona wiggled her eyebrows.

“again?” I asked them as I get the flowers from Sooyoung’s hand.

“read it unnie.” Yoona clapped her hands excitedly.

I giggled at her and opened the cream envelope.

GOOD LUCK WITH THE CONCERT. I’LL BE WATCHING AND CHEERING FOR YOU FROM A FAR. ALWAYS.

“you’re admirer doesn’t know how to write sweet stuffs.” Sooyoung frowned.

I chuckled and nodded as I put the letter back on its envelope.

“the fact that the admirer sent something from her for like every day is sweet enough.” Tiffany spoke on my behalf.

“but still..if that person wanted to win our Yuri’s heart….” Sooyoung was cut.

“what’s with the commotion?” Jessica appeared out of nowhere.

“unnie, someone sent Yuri unnie some flowers again.” Yoona smiled.

Jessica looked at me then to the flower.

“do you know where it’s from?” she asked with a raised eyebrow.

I shook my head. “no,idea.” I said.

”uhm.” She nodded. “good.” She said in a low tone which I assume was only heard by me.

I look at her and she just stared back at me with one of her eyebrow high up in the sky.

“yaaaaah!” Taeyeon shouted as she stormed her way towards us.

“uh oh. Jumma taeng is mad.” Sooyoung said under her breath.

“practice. Now.” She pointed outside and went stomping away again.

“what’s wrong with her?” Sooyoung asked.

I look at Tiffany and she was fidgeting.

“let’s go guys.” I told them as I out the flowers before my vanity table.

We all scrambled out.

“Tiffany wait.” I called out and Jessica looked back at us as Tiffany curiously went beside me.

“are you and Taeyeon,okay?” I asked in a low tone.

“I don’t know.” She fidgeted again.

“was it because of her?”

I saw panic on her eyes which she quickly covered by bowing her head.

“so it’s because of her?” I asked for confirmation.

She timidly nodded.

“we’ll talk later okay?”

Tiffany looked back at me, a small smile was written on her face.

“arasso.” She said.

I ruffled her hair before letting her walk before me.

“yah! Babo!”

Someone shouted from the back and before I could even know who it was, I felt something hit at the back of my head.

I look down and saw a Mickey Mouse toy, I bent down to pick it up and smiled.

“what was that?” YoonA went beside me.

“it’s mickey.” I shook the toy before her face.

Sooyoung rolled her eyes.

“what the kid meant was what was that for. Who threw that?.”

I shrugged.

“no idea.” I said.

“guys have you seen, Jessi?” Tiffany asked curiously.

…..

The backstage was jam packed, everyone was busy on changing clothes, some on their make-up and hair.

“here.” I went at the back of Jessica as she went to a rather secluded area.

She stared at me through the vanity mirror.

“take it.” I pushed the bottle closer to her.

“I’m not thirsty.” She went closer to the mirror and further from me.

I look around the place and went to grab a towel on a nearby chair.

I pulled her wrist and made her turn her body facing me.

I quietly wiped her forehead and neck.

She took a noisy gulp and our eyes met.

“why do you always have to push me away? It feels like every time I take one step closer at you, you would always be five steps further from me.”

I pulled her in for a tight hug and she let out a surprised gasp.

“Yuri.”

Her hands slowly was positioned between us, with a deep breath she again pushed me away.

“let’s go.” She held my wrist and pulled me with her.

“Sooman said he wanted to see YulSic. We’ll give him YulSic.” She said.

I stopped walking and she looked back at me.

I laughed bitterly.

“still for the sones,eh?” I asked.

“who else would it be for?” she asked.

I look at her eyes and saw nothing.

“here I am thinking we’re okay.” I smiled and left. “who am I kidding here? She’s still the same Jessica Jung after all.” I wiped the tears on my eyes and smiled as soon as I went on stage. In front of those people who believed we are real, in front of all those people who stayed loyal for nothing.

The whole concert, Jessica and I would act out as if we were fine.

How can people see something that doesn’t exist?

What makes them believe we’re in love?

How can Jessica be so deceiving?

….

I was silent as we head back to the hotel. Though the other insists that we should have dinner together, I was firm on my decision that I rather stay and sleep since my head hurts, which is actually a big lie.

“do I have to stay back?” Taeyeon asked.

I shook my head.

“I just need to rest. Go and have fun with the girls.” I smiled as I swiped the key card on my room.

She gave me a worried look before nodding her head.

“don’t forget to drink some medicine, okay?” she touched my arm.

I again nodded and watch her leave.

“wait.” She stopped. “Taeyeon-ah…talk to Tiffany, okay?” she faced me fully and stared at me before nodding her head. “you’re so close to having her so don’t let her slip away, just because someone came back.”

She smiled and gave me a thumbs up.

“will do.” She said as she turned her back at me.

I went to rotate the door knob and was about to close the door when I felt someone stop it from the outside.

“Yuri..”

It was Jessica.

“yes.” I answered her but did not dare to look at her.

She pushed the door a bit so she can see me.

I look at her and I was happy and hurt at the same time.

She reached for my hand and put something on it.

“I hope you get well.” She said before leaving.

I closed the door and looked at my hand.

It was a blue sticky note with a hand written message.

SORRY.

I crumpled the paper and threw it away.

I went to my bed sat on its edge and buried my face on my palms.

“the damage is done. It’s so done.”

…..

“Yuri-ah.”

Jessica called my name as soon as I entered the hotel’s restaurant for breakfast.

I searched around and saw no one.

“they already ate.” She said as she probably saw I’m looking for them. “ Want to have breakfast with me?” she asked shyly.

I gave her a small nod.

We ate the breakfast in silence, no one dared to talk. I never talked.

There’s this unexplainable feeling inside me that makes me question myself.

‘am I tired of waiting?’

“Yuri?”

I shook my head as I look at Jessica’s concerned face.

“are you okay?”

It took me a while to reply.

“yes, I’am.’ I said. I wiped the corner of my mouth and excused myself. “I have to go. It’s nice spending breakfast with you.” I gently pushed my seat away and stood.

Jessica stood up too.

“tell me what’s wrong.” She ordered as she held my wrist tightly.

I look at her hand.

“is this wrong?” I asked her.

Her brows were in a deep furrow.

“I don’t underst…”

“is it wrong that I’m getting tired with you? Is it wrong that I feel like I’m putting effort on nothing? Are you really worth all this pain?”

Her hand loosened.

“it’s a good thing.” She forced a smile. “ It’s good that you’re getting over your infatuation o-over me.” She put her hand on her side while gripping tightly on the side of her jeans.

I frowned and stared at her.

‘my heart wants to believe that you’re lying.’

“a part of me wanted to give up and I’m scared that it would eat me all up….but Jessica my heart…my heart keeps on telling me to hold on. It keeps on telling me just a bit more, just a bit more and you’ll soon realize my worth. I don’t know if I should stay or go. I should just let go or should I just keep my hold…..”

“Yuri-ah…people change.”

She was about to reach out for my hand but I looked away.

“I love you and hate you at the same time…..” I looked out the windows and saw the sun shining but it was raining.

This feeling inside me, it was like an unexpected rain in the middle of a bright sunny afternoon.

…..

Screaming fans.

Bulky guys stopping them.

Flashing lights from the cameras.

Everyone’s attention.

This is what we have to go through everyday.

Now that we are leaving Hong Kong is not an exception from all those things said above.

I was just plainly watching Jessica from a far.

I don’t want to be near her.

It’s just like putting some salt on a fresh wound.

“something’s wrong.”

I look at Taeyeon.

“are you asking me?” I asked her.

She shook her head.

“no. I’m telling you something is wrong.” She took a sip on her cold coffee.

I raised an eyebrow.

“no this isn’t about me and Tiffany.”

I rolled my eyes.

“we’re okay.” I cleared.

“yeah, right. Said the girl who can’t spend a day away from Jessica Jung.” She bit on her straw.

I took a deep breath and nodded.

“something is wrong…”

I rolled my eyes when she gave me the ‘I-knew-it-look’.

“what is  it?” she asked eagerly.

“I think I…..”

My words we’re cut by a commotion not far away from where we are.

I heard someone shouting. ‘unnie’ then Jessica’s name was repeated over and over.

I gave Taeyeon a worried look and she went running with me.

I pushed some people away and there I saw Jessica, lying unconscious.

I saw manager oppa shouting over a guy in a security uniform.

I went towards Jessica and was supposed to lift her but manager oppa stopped me.

“let me.” He said as he eyed my clothes.

I slowly removed my hands away from Jessica and watched as she was carried by manager oppa away.

I went towards the guy.

He flinched when he saw me.

Some people quite down as they wait for what I’m about to say.

“I know you’re just doing your job. I saw how hard you tried to protect us but please be careful of your actions.” The guy’s head was bowed down. I looked around to get the other guards and the fans attention. “please don’t get mad at him. I know what he did was not really nice and it was really unprofessional not to know who you were protecting but please do consider what he feels. If only everyone is in order, this won’t happen. Please don’t put the blame on a single person only. To the guards, please treat our fans nicely. To our fans please consider the others too.” .” I am in every position to be mad at you, but I won’t because I have to know what really happened before judging you.” I bowed at them and took my leave with Taeyeon following behind me

 “ They are heading to the hospital.”

My heart skipped in fear.

“Jessica, please be okay.” I silently prayed.

….

I was sitting beside Jessica’s bed as I wait silently along with the others for Jessica’s health examination result.

“isn’t it bad that she’s still sleeping?” YoonA asked worriedly.

“it’s not bad. She’s Jessica Jung for christ’s sake. Sleeping is her forte.”

We all laughed at Sooyoung’s joke.

“yeah. She’ll be fine.” I agreed as I slip my hand over Jessica’s unmoved hand.

I look at her face and smiled.

Taeyeon went beside me.

“Jessica’s forehead is kinda wide.” She commented.

I gave Taeyeon a look and chuckled.

“yeah, kinda.” I smiled.

“Jessica, please be okay.” I kissed her forehead and went out of the room.

“unnie.”

I was surprised when I saw Krystal.

“what-how?” I was really surprised.

“I’m with Vic unnie and Sulli.” She explained. “how is she?” her voice was hushed.

“she’s fine, I think.” I look at what she’s wearing and at first look you won’t even think it was her. “does the company know you guys were here?” I asked.

“kinda. Vic unnie has something to do here so Sulli and I went with her.” She grinned.

I chuckled and ruffled her hair as I pulled her closer.

“I wish Jessica could sometimes be as carefree as you.”

I mumbled on the crown of her head.

………………………………….