There was a small cafe Daehyun and I went to all the time and we sat there now, it was always empty and this was no exception. We got the table in dark and hidden corner like usual and I ordered the warmest tea for him. I reached out across the table and breathed out as I held his hands in mine.

"Is something wrong?" He asked warily.

I stared at his fingertips as I shook my head. We waited in silence as the waitress brought his drink over and I thanked her. I watched as he picked the cup up and drank it with a smile.

"I looked for you everywhere" He said quietly, "I was beginning to get scared you had actually left"

"Kai's mom made us spend the weekend at this cabin they have" I replied, my mind trying to process what I was going to say.

Daehyun smiled up at me from behind the tea cup, a warm smile that I already began to miss. Part of me wanted to keep everything a secret, but it wouldn't be fair to him. I had already hurt him enough. Despite all the good reasons I hesitated. I watched him as he drank his tea quietly, he must know I had something to say. Or maybe he was just comfortable in the silence between us. I reached out for his hand again and placed my fingers over his. He chuckled and turned his hand so our fingers were interlaced. I felt a wave of emotions come over me and tried to pull my hand away. He held on tightly and I kept tugging my hand.

"Let go" I finally said and he let go with a startled look on his face.

"I'm sorry?" Daehyun answered in confusion, his brow furrowing and his hands disappearing under the table.

"I— I didn't mean to say let go. I'm sorry, but Daehyun... I have to tell you something" I began.

He straightened in his seat, his eyes becoming guarded.

"What's wrong?" He asked again, this time no hint of play in his tone.

"I've been thinking..." I started again, staring at the handle on the teacup, "... my situation... being married and all, it isn't fair to you. We... should break up" I said internally calling myself a coward. I was breaking up with him for his own good? No, I was just saying this to get out of telling the truth.

"We've talked about this before. Besides you’re going to divorce him, that's why you married him to being with. Nothing's changed" Daehyun said in front of me and I couldn't bear to look up at him because everything had changed.

"Daehyun... things have changed. I think I have feelings for him" I spoke, forcing myself to keep talking despite the tight feeling in my throat.

He was so quiet I finally had to look up. His eyes stared into mine accusingly and full of betrayal. His body was tense and I felt like the second I looked up at him he knew everything.

"Ignore those feelings then. Do you think anything good can come from such a strange relationship?" He asked in a false calm, "We can still be happy, I'll pretend you never said anything"

"I made a bad decision Daehyun... and I should have waited until I talked to you first. It wasn't supposed to go that far and I wanted to talk to you first, but everything.... it just fell out of control" I explained in a senseless rush. Tripping over my own words.

"Did you screw him?" He asked harshly and I winced under his tone.

"Daehyun..." I began in a panicked tone when he slammed the table, anger radiating from every inch of his body.

He got off the table, hesitated a fraction of a second, and stalked furiously out of the cafe. I stared at his empty place for a second before quickly leaving cash on the table and running out behind him. I couldn't let him go like this, without a single explanation. I couldn’t let him leave without knowing what he meant to me and what a mistake I had made. It hadn't been his fault. He was perfect I was the one... I had messed it all up.

I took a shuddering breath as I looked around finally picking a random direction and running. I ran until I reached this old park and I remembered it well. I was startled as I heard a rage filled scream and thud. I kept walking to find Daehyun holding a bleeding fist, his eyes closed in pain.

"I'm sorry!" I yelled, coming up to him.

"Leave. I never want to see you again" He snapped, his words cutting into me like blade. I could understand why, but it still hurt so much.

"Daehyun, you'll always be my first love and I'll always love you in some part of me so please... I know I hurt you, but you can't cut me off like this" I begged, the true consequences of what I had done finally hitting me, "You're the only person I trust"

I was losing not only my boyfriend, but my only best friend.

"Don't you dare try to make me feel like the bad guy. You're the one that did this! You cheated on me, breaking my heart wasn't enough?!" He spat, his chest rising and falling with hatred and I couldn't help myself as tears collected.

"I'm not trying to make you feel guilty! I know what I did was horrible, but I... need you as a friend!" I yelled selfishly. I must be a monster I reflected silently, but he was the only person on this earth who cared for me, I couldn't let him go like this.

"You're sick Hyerim. How could you even ask? You're more like your mother than you realize" Daehyun insisted, his eyes filled with disgust that I almost threw up right there.

"I'm not her!" I screamed as he turned away. I ran to him, reaching for his arm.

"Don't touch me!" He roared, ripping himself out of my hold and sent me stumbling back.

"You disgust me Park Hyerim. Rot in hell" He swore, leaving me behind.

I fought the urge to chase after him and make him understand, but even as I fought it I knew there was nothing for him to understand. A childish fear that I was suddenly alone came over me and I quickly headed back, every step I took wearing down on the little control I had over the tears that were beginning to fall faster and faster. I finally reached home and stared at the front door through a blurry film of moisture. I couldn’t go inside and see Kai right now.

I looked at the spot I had found Daehyun in and sat down on it. I stared at the floor and buried my head in my knees. The cold quickly ran deep inside me and I wondered how long Daehyun had sat here just waiting for me. I hadn’t even remembered to call him. I don’t know how much time passed before I heard the front door slam behind me. I jumped and looked up at Kai, an angry look on his face that disappeared as soon as he saw me on the steps.

“How long have you been here?” He asked worriedly as he pulled me up.

"I want to blame you" I said in between quiet sobs as he wrapped his strong arms around me and held me so tightly I thought I might stop breathing.

He didn't say a word as I wrapped my own arms around him and hugged him back.

"You're not alone" Kai said gently, "and you're only human. Humans make mistakes too"

"Daehyun didn’t deserve this. This wasn't his fault, he shouldn't have suffered" I whispered.

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There's bidding wars on AFF now... My sister laughed when I tried to explain them to her XD I was curious so I clicked on them to see and damn! Compared to those people I'm karma poor. Which is fine because I'd be stingy with it anyways and probably hoard of all this imaginary currency anyways lol That was random sorry :)

Another update I felt bad Daehyun... he's getting the short end of the stick in this fic! I'll get back on and update whenever I need another break from hw tonight, I've got a huge math test monday T__T so the breaks will be needed! Hope you guys enjoyed it and leave a few comments behind? ;)