Calling... Jessie14
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Namja Chingu Saranghaeyo!!
by Jessie14
Reviewed by: vnxazn
Title[4.5/5]:
I think the title fits the story well. I think you should just stick to English titles, though. Korean titles are very creative and catchy, but the majority of the people on AFF speak English, and it would be better that way. Or at least let them know a translation of the title in your foreword. I think the title should be "Namja Chingu Saranghaeyo!" though, to be grammatically correct.
Design(Posters, Font Color, Font Style, and Backgrounds)[3.5/5]:
I absolutely love the poster. It gives off the hint that the story is very dreamy and lovey-dovey like. Whoa, the colored text on the description and foreword. I suggest keeping it black. I know it looks pretty, but it’s a bit distracting. Also… Kwangmin’s profile picture is pulling a bit to the left, that bothered me. (Just a R/N, this comment does not affect your grade.) Also, I see that you went with the default font. You should always customize your font and spice up your story. Don't be afraid to experiment with different fonts.
Description & Foreword [8/10]:
There were a couple of grammar errors in the description and foreword. Remember, these two things are just as important as the story. Also, try not to stick hangul in between sentences, that makes it hard to read and little confusing. It’s fine for the character profiles, though. A grammar correction here:
You and No Minwoo of Boyfriend are elected queen and king of the school!!
and you have to spend on full year doing activities with him.
Replace the double exclamation points with a comma and this line will be fine. Try not to use double punctuation. Less is more!
Plot and Characters[27/30]:
I like that you do the whole profile page in the foreword of your story. It gives the audience things to keep in mind while reading the story. It also gives the characters… well… character. The plot was very interesting. I really like it. I mean, I’ve never actually seen a school life story where there was a queen and king of the school. You used my bias so I couldn’t help but mega fangirl while reading it… I kind of found that she took a fancy him to quickly, though. You should pace things so that it’s not instant love or too long to fall in love. Pacing is always important.
Grammar & Punctuation [10/15]:
There were a few errors here and there. First of all, you need to stay in the same tense for your verbs. Try to separate spoken lines and action lines from each other, that way the lines don’t look run together. In spoken lines like this:
"Uhh, we should go back. Class time is almost up." he said to you.
You need to make the period a comma instead. The punctuation at the end of a spoken line should always be a comma unless it is an exclamation point or question mark. I also advise that you stick to English instead of using Korean lines. I know, it’s cool and all, but it’s a bit confusing and distracting to read.
Creativity [13/15]:
I found the story quite creative. I like the whole “queen and king” of the school. Though I did find the whole “take enemy’s crush” situation cliché.
Flow[4/5]:
I felt that she started to like him too fast. They’d only spent a few minutes together and she already likes him. If you had made her unsure of her feelings at first, that would’ve been better paced. Just a little advice for future writing ~ That’s all.
Overall Enjoyment[13/15]:
Overall, I really did enjoy the story. I didn't really like the whole Korean phrases here and there, though. Sorry :( . Minwoo is just so adorable ~ It was nice to see a main character who wasn't the kind to cower in the corner. Update soon ~ Please remember to credit the store and thanks for requesting me!
Grade: 83% B
R/N: I hope I didn't sound too harsh in my review. You have lots of subscribers who love your story, so I hope I haven't dampened any feelings on the story. I hope to read more soon!
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