Calling... aniangel07
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Review for Bloodlust
By: aniangel07
Reviewed by: vnxazn
Title[5/5]:
Your title fits your story well. It really hints at the vampire and genre.
Design(Posters, Font Color, Font Style, and Backgrounds)[5/5]:
The poster fits the story very well with the red tint and dark feel to it. You have no background, but I'm not really big on that. I may suggest using a black background to enhance the story, though. That's just my opinion, though.
Description & Foreword [4/10]:
I took points off here not because the description was bad but because you admitted that the description was bad. The number one rule to writing is never reveal to the audience your writing weakness. It's okay if your writing style differs from others, but you should never apologize or tell the audience about it and degrade it. Like I always say, if you compare a child's story to Harry Potter, the child will spend their life thinking their stories are terrible wastes of paper. Try to avoid using emoticons and text language when writing. I will, however, give you points for telling me a little about the story, like the description or foreword should. Also, "maight" should be "might."
Plot and Characters[28/30]:
I like that you spend a few chapters to really develop your characters before going into the story. The characters kept consistent personalities, which is always a good thing. The plot is excellent. I love the thrill of lust and vengence placed throughout the story. Minho's character was a bit under developed, though. He was a minor character, but still.
Grammar & Punctuation [10/15]:
Your grammar is good, but it could use a little work. Always remember to use commas for compound sentences. Remember to keep the same tense, like:
Deep in your heart, you are fearing me, want to scream and hide somewhere safe.
"Want" should be wanting to match fearing. You also tend to put commas in the incorrect places, making it hard to read sentences. An example being:
Only when it’s dark and deep in the night I will crawl out of my hole and break your neck, when you will turn your head in my direction.
You also see here that you changed tense between sentences. It should be:
Only when it's dark and deep in the night, I will crawl out of my hole and break your neck when youturn your head in my direction.
You also tend to be missing commas in listing sentences. Like this one:
I`m fast, inconspicuous and quiet.
A comma should go right between inconspicuous and the word and.
Creativity [15/15]:
I've never actually seen a fanfiction where Jonghyun is a murderer, and Key and Minho are vampires. That was new. The way you describe Jonghyun's killings and Key's victimizing are very exhilirating and spine tingling. I would say the whole plot and storyline is great and highly original. Definitely better than Twilight. Hah!
Flow[4/5]:
The flow was a bit fast to me, and the chapters were also a bit short. I prefer longer chapters to shorter chapters so sorry for the biased judgement here. The was good, but I felt that the characters ed a bit too quickly.
Overall Enjoyment[15/15]:
I enjoyed the story very much. I can tell that your audience loves it, too, seeing as you have so many loyal subscribers. It was very angst and gut wrenching to read. I could feel the rush and adrenaline as the story progressed, which is a great feeling. I could also remember what I read after finishing the chapter, which is always a good thing.
Grade: 86% B
R/N: Thanks for waiting for your review. I apologize for the long wait! Congratulations on so many subscribers on your story. It was a very nice read. You also used my bias, which sent me fangirling to the ends of the world ~ Ah! Remember to credit the shop!
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