Story being reviewed: Angel from Paradise

Author: ilovetaemin4ever

Reviewer: tillynilly

*Since this is an ongoing story and you kept adding chapters, I only reviewed up to chapter 6.*

First Impressions: [10/15]  

Title: The title makes sense, but it has a sort of positive connotation, which is the opposite of what you're trying to achieve. In your review application you said the genre of the fic was dark romance, but, at a quick glance, the title doesn't seem to fit that mood. Also, although your interpretation of "angel" and "paradise" was different from most, the title itself doesn't really stand out in the plethora of "angel" fics.

Description/Foreword: The description is nice. It doesn't immediately pull you in but it tells of an interesting idea, and ending it with a hanging question like "or will you regret it..." works surprisingly well. There are a few grammatical errors, though. See the "Mechanics" section below.

 As for the foreword, the character profiles are nice, but I'd rather be able to learn about the characters myself by slowly discovering their personalities while I read the fic. Getting to know the characters on their journey is half of what makes a story entertaining.

Appearance: The background is nice. Although it's a picture, the colors are subdued enough that it doesn't distract the eyes. The posters definitely go well with the "dark romance" genre but I think the black posters don't fit your fic at all. The poster with the gif is a little better since its color are lighter. I don't like the bolded font in the description with Comic Sans font. I can tolerate one or the other, but both just doesn't look too good. On another note, why do you need a hit counter if you can just look at the number of views a fic has?

Substance: [8/15] 

Plot: The plot is okay. The little events of each chapter are fun, but get a bit tiresome once I figure out that the story revolves around Minhee and Sungjong's relationship. Nothing else in the plot interests me much after I realize MinHee isn't really trying to earn her wings. It would be awesome if you included her interacting a bit more with everyone, really working hard to melt everyone's hearts. To me, everything happened kinda happened too easily for her. There wasn't much conflict. I like the idea of each element's room, though. That was pretty cool.

Characters: The characters have fun, but pretty general personalities. The idea with each angel having an element they control is often used, but using opposite elements as a sort of obstacle between the characters was cool. I sort of wish you'd have made the personalities a bit more rounded, though; a little more complex. You can do this by adding a few more details that make them memorable and special.

The Nitty-Gritty: [10/15] 

Mechanics: There was quite a bit of spelling errors, most of them I think are typos. Try using spellcheck, that is. The grammar was mainly pretty good, but like I said, you may have typo'd a few things. Just go back and read through the chapters, correcting anything that needs to be fixed.

Consistency/Flow: Flow is okay, but each day that passes, some of the events I find a little boring. Also, when presenting characters' thoughts, put them in italics, not *asterisks*. It is neater and nicer-looking. And, make sure that all your verbs are in the same tense- either past OR present, not a mixture of both. I didn't see many violations of this rule, but like I said above, I think you just need to go back through and check for the ones that stand out.

The Critics: [4/5] 

Public Opinion: By creeping through the comments, I've discerned that your readers like the events in all your updates and are very supportive. You've even earned a couple of upvotes, which is great!

Author Integrity: Okay. On your review form I see you put "dark romance" as the genre. Your fic is more like a romantic comedy. Not saying that it's not good, but I just thought that was something you should think about- your original purpose vs. the current state of your fic.

I like that you wrote about Sungjong because there was a lack of fics with him. ^.^ I also like that you include Infinite quotes in the beginning of each update and author's notes at the end, but I think that for visual appeal, you shouldn't space them out so much or bold them. It distracts from the overall writing. Wait, what is the point of the quotes again?

Reviewer Enjoyment Level: I liked the overall idea of the fic, but I feel that it could have been executed with much more detail and better pacing. And I like how that even though I didn't know much about Infinite, I still found myself enjoying one or two of the guys in the story. :)

Grade: 42/50 = 84% = B

Reviewer Notes: To be honest, after reading, I couldn't remember much about your fic. That's not good. You want to make your fic a memorable one that readers will think of a week from the last update and go, "Hm. If the latest chapter was that good, I can't wait to see what she has in store for the next one!" I didn't really get that special feeling, and it disappointed me, because I really did like some of the characters. Work hard and keep practicing, and you'll surely improve! ^.^ Especially since your story is ongoing, it will be easy to see your writing get better as time goes by :)

~tillynilly

@Kimchi Dumplings~