Review for Against All Odds

http://www.asianfanfics.com/story/view/185445

by nefertina

Reviewed by: vnxazn

Title[5/5]: 

The title has a nice ring to it, and I think it fits the story perfectly. I can tell that there's going to be a bit of hardship and drama in the story, and I like it. 

Design(Posters, Font Color, Font Style, and Backgrounds)[5/5]: 

I just have to say, the poster on your story is absolutely gorgeous. It's very professional looking. There's no seams, no mess ups, no little things to be noticed. All the characters on the poster show the same emotion. It's very attractive and drew me into the story. Though, I do see that you don't have a background, but I'm okay with that. It gives more attention to the story and words rather than the pictures in the background. 

Description & Foreword [10/10]: 

You're description and foreword are very engaging. It makes me want to know about Charlie's emotional journey. I've never really spent the time looking into Big Bang, but your story draws me in even if I'm not a VIP. I can also relate because I don't have a father like her. I like that you use good grammar. The only little thing I caught is this line: 

His words sliced through me like a sharp razor and I in an involuntary breath at the sudden pain I felt.

A comma should go between there, but it's just a little thing.

Plot and Characters[28/30]: 

I very much like that you develop Charlie's whole story before the story begins to progress. It's very notifying, and it gives the readers a little bit of time to connect with Charlie before all the action really takes place. The plot is a very interesting plot. For a moment, it felt like I was really reading an actual published book because it was so informative and left no empty, unanswered spaces. Your characters are very well developed from what I see. The only thing I'm curious as to is... how old is Charlie? I know that she was sixteen when her mother got remarried. Because she has a four year old half sister, does that mean she is now twenty years old? One more part that caught me off guard in Chapter 6 is this paragraph:

This is gonna take me a while to remember all their names. In fact, I can’t even remember any of them right now. Except for Top. Only because it’s the easiest to remember, I told myself as I tried to repress the beginnings of a blush. I hastily wrenched my attention back to the boys. Okay. So it’s Junior, Angel, Top, Leader and ummm…Sonic? It’s easier for me to remember things when I put them in a code format. Until I memorize their name of course.

Where did Junior, Angel, Top, Leader, and Sonic come from? Are they Big Bang nicknames? How does she know them already if she never met them before. It took me a bit of rereading before coming to the conclusion that these were her nicknames for them...

Grammar & Punctuation [11/15]: 

You use very good grammar, which I appreciate. The only thing that bothered me was that when there were two different speakers, you left them in the same line. An example:

“Do you have any idea what time it is now?” My mother’s voice quivered with barely restrained anger. I shrugged my shoulders indifferently. “Yeah.”

You should separate them into two lines to show that a different person is speaking or it'll get confusing. The first time I read this line over, I thought the mother was answering her own question. I find that the bolding of the spoken words is a little unnecessary, but it is nice to indicate when something is spoken. Always, always, always remember to use a comma when there is a compound sentence. I enjoy that you use very strong action words. They add great emphasis to the story. Also remember to use a comma when the words spoken are towards someone. Example:

“Yeah mom. You’ll wake the children.”

Creativity [15/15]: 

The story is very original. I love the storyline, and it is just completely engaging. It's the kind of story that draws you in, making you want to keep reading on.

Flow[5/5]: 

The flow is perfect. Not too slow and not too fast. You take your time to ease us into the introduction of Big Bang, which is always good. 

Overall Enjoyment[15/15]: 

I enjoyed it very much. I can't wait to read more!

Grade: 94%  [A]

R/N: Sorry this took so long. I also apologize for how this looks all weird with its different sized words. My AFF is glitching, and it won't let me fix that >__<