Title[3/5]: There are grammatical errors in your title. Your title should have read, 'Taehun's Dying Wishes'. Your title isn't eyecatching enough. 

Design[3/5]: Your posters only has grays, whites, and blacks which compliment your story perfectly. There is the same grammatical error in your poster as in your title. I find that having the girl smile on the poster is a turnoff seeing as this is a angsty story and it's very somber, I don't think anyone should be smiling.... Using italics all thoughtout a story is a HUGE no-no.

Description & Foreword [4/10]: Your Description is one big run-on sentence. It's rather unattractive. You should make multiple sentences out of this:

 “Taehun, a ZE:A member, has Esophageal Cancer like his parents did and he wants to make a wish list before he dies so he can die happy with the help of his wife Paula, his son, Jun, and of course, ZE:A.”

To This:

"Taehun is a ZE:A member who, just like his parants, has contracted Esophageal Cancer. He had desire to create a wish list before he passed on so that he could die happily with the help of his wife Paula, his son Jun, and the ZE:A, his non-blood related brothers."

Your Foreword should be corrected. There are multiple run-on sentences and grammatical errors present. Corrections are in this color.

Taehun P.O.V     Taehun's P.O.V

I was on the hospital bed with my beautiful English wife, Paula,( I lie on the hospital bed with my beauitiful English wife, Paula, my groupmates wathced over me.) as well as my bandmates watching over me. I didn’t want my six years old (seven in Korean age,) son Jun to see me die because I knew it would be too much to see me die in front of him.(because I knew it would scar him to see his father pass infront of him.) He was staying at my sister’s in the meantime. I could die anytime of any day soon, (I could die any moment now) but at least I am going to die happy because there was some stuff that I wanted to do before I die on my wish list.(because there were some stuff I wanted to do on my wish list before I died.)”

Plot and Characters[10/30]:  You (or your OC named Paula) is a Mary-Sue. She wouldn't randomly get robbed in Korea (since robbery and gangs are not common in Korea). You have a plot that isn't seen very often. I would have liked for you to elaborate more on its uniqueness. You could have made your characters have a more unique trait about them to make them stand out but you didn't.

Grammar/Spelling/Punctuation/Word Chose[5/25]: There are WAY too many run-on sentences. Your paragraphs aren't even really paragraphs. You didn't put quotation marks around actually dialong which made reading your story extremed complicated. You use and, &, and said way to often. Out of one whole paragraph, I literally saw only 3 puctuation marks. You need to improvement in order to go from 1 suscriber to atleast 10. Your diction/ word chose isn't as advanced as I would have liked. Your punctuation was awful to be frank. Your grammar wasn't anything better. Your spelling was somewhat okay. You don't capitalize the first letter of any new sentences you do happen to make. Not even the chapter titles are capitalized. 

Flow[4/10]: There was little to no flow. The flow wasn't steady. You skipped ahead 5 years without even hinting a little bit about what was happening in those five years. 

Overall Enjoyment[3/15]: This story has plenty of potential but you need to improve before you are able to show it. I didn't enjoy this story at all. The chapters were short and didn't me carry though. I suggest going through the whole story and improving it little by little. You honestly should redo everything, improve your character dispositions, your diction, your grammar, and your story structure.

Grade: 32% 

Minra says: Hey, you asked for a review. I was only harsh with this specific review because I knew you were going need to be told the truth. The truth hurts but I feel that if you improved like the ways you should, you story might just have the chance to be featured. I'd gladly re-review your fanfic when you improve but until then, improvement and revision are the keys to success.

Reviewed By: cottonSHINeecandy

http://www.asianfanfics.com/story/view/266268/taehun-dying-wishes-death-taehun-zea-cancer