Title[5/5]: Title fits the story

Design(Posters, Font Color, Font Style, and Backgrounds)[3/5]: I like the poster you have chose, it's aesthetically pleasing and a nice change of pace. Everyone chooses to have characters in their posters, so it's refreshing that you chose the image that you did. That being said, not a fan of the background. I'm not particular when it comes to font, but I think Georgia was a good font for you to choose.

Description & Foreword [7/10]: I'm in between about the forweword. I think that you keep it really confusing and strange and full of intense visuals which catches my interest. On the other hand, you have grammar mistakes, and you're using the passive voice a lot, and it really almost is too confusing.

Here are the mistakes:

"I apologise for not being the everything I should have been." 

You do not need to write "the everything". 

"My fault, Jessica.

My fault you're acid."

You do not have a subject in this sentence. I know, weird huh? But "my" doesn't count as a subject. "My" is just modifying the verb. You need to include "It is" or "It's".

"At close proximity my eyes tear."

At close proximity to what? You need to include that, even if it feels stupid. Don't write "At close proximity to you," though, because that actually does sound wrong.

Plot and Characters[20/30]: This is a very tenative grade I have given you. Half of me thinks I should give you a higher grade, half of me thinks it should be lower. Here is why:

1. You write masterfully. It's a beautiful piece.

2. Problem is, it needs more. I know that it feels complete. It feels complete to me, also. But it doesn't feel complete in the same breath. It's too open; I'm left with more questions than I have answers. The first time I read it, I thought it was pleasingly ambitious if not a little too confusing. I read it again with my literature glasses on and read through each line for symbolism and whatnot, and I was happy with your imagery and the way you communicated the complicated relationship.  But how is her face corroded away? I feel that the one-shot is short and sweet, but could use a few more details. 

Grammar/Spelling/Punctuation/Word Chose[15/25]: You have a tendancy to write like Yoda. 

Ex: "Impossible it is for me to perform the action without the will from the ligaments and tendons that twitch and spasm, but never move."

There is nothing, nothing! that my lit professor hates more than the passive voice. And it's understandable. While it might feel like you're being artsy when you write it out like this, I personally think it's a poor choice. This is one of the first lines in the story, and it's crucial that you make an impression. I liked the story, but that left a bad impression on me right out of the gate.

That isn't the only time you write like that, so keep your eyes out for it. Also, try to avoid "ten-ton-sentences". When I say that, I mean the sentences that are randomly and sparsely dispered throughout that are laden with big words. You have a sophisticated vocabulary, and you utilize it pretty evenly in the story except for this one sentence that messes up the flow of word choice in the rest of the story. 

Here's the line:

You used to have this perspicacious gaze with your capricious movements and adroit manner of manoeuvring round sticky circumstances.

It's just excessive, and none of your other sentences have that much 'pow' to them, so it's completely out of place. 

Flow[9/10]: Flows nicely, but it is pretty short and you have a tendancy to jerk around a little. But it still flows well, and the jumps aren't very bothersome. 

Overall Enjoyment[12/15]: Yes, I enjoyed it. You do have an artistic taste and your style adds a lot of feeling to the story. Because of the jerkiness and thedakr, sad back and forth feelings you write, you give the story something almost transcendental. It's sad, and dark and delightful in many ways. I would just like to see a little clearing up where you cross the line between artistic and confusing. (For instance, you say something about being a sniper and stuff. That confused me.)

Grade: 71% AKA: C.

Note: Don't be discouraged by the grade. I read the other comments, and your readers loved the story. They thought it was beautiful, and I thought it was beautiful. It's a good piece.