Calling... hopenewexcitinglife

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Title[4/5]: It fits the story well and is pretty intriguing.

Poster(s)[2/5]: It was, pretty okay. But there's like too much people in it and it's not that interesting, just full of characters..

Description & Foreword [5/10]: The description is  mediocre, though you can cut off the "I'll try to tell you how the characteristics of the characters throughout the fanfic, okay?" part. And for foreword, it was more of a note? so yeah. It's pretty much average, but I gave you a minus one for the foreword which was not a foreword get what i mean?)

Plot and Characters[16/30]: Okay, there's not that much fics with blind girls. But it's just usual, no surprise and stuffs, it's sort of unpredictable? And I don't really favor the ~~~.. Uhm, me, right? She's too much of  a brat for a girl who had been blind all her life. She should be more used to feel unwanted. Example: CHP 11, when the ukiss guys joked over her being unwanted, and also in soem other time when L.joe also didn't want her, she shouldn't run -.- She must've gotten those stuff a lot already. She may, though, feel sad and hurt, make up a lie as an excuse and run away, but running away just like that is highly unlikely.

Also, L.Joe just punched Baro who he saw kissing ~~~'s cheek. Either it's illogical, or the L.joe in this story is excessively violent and hot headed. He could've asked about it and didn't believe it or what, but it's not likely he will explode for a kiss ON THE CHEEK.

I know it's cliche, but you can always use the fall-on-top-of-each-other's-lips thingy.

In Chapter 12, Again, illogical to me. She gets too easily comfortable with Ukiss people. She even slept on Hoon's shoulder the first time they met~

In Chapter 13, I heard that blind people have superb sense of surrounding, voices and environment. She should've realised it's the same house she's been to. 

In Chapter 23, Jessica sprayed her to sleep. I wonder for what? >_< I don't get it~

And, why does she have to wait for Jessica to gift her the surgery? That couldn't be poor, Siwon's in the house, yo! You should make some stories, like they have debts no one knew about, etc.

Grammar/Spelling/Punctuation/Word Chose[17/25]: There are some minor mistakes, like:

I answered her shortly. Reaching for some glue. supposed to be: I answered her shortly, reaching for some glue.

But it wasn't that much and I still understand those, but proof-reading is really useful, so try that if you have time. And you write the korean part in a way to pronounce it, not the way it's generally written. I had a quite hard time understanding it, I don't know about other readers, so yeah.

AND, BIG MISTAKE. In Chapter 20, when Baro was beaten up by L.Joe, ~~~ actually SAW his eyes starting to close. How is that even possible?

*I think sir (if in like boss) is subbosed to be sajangnim instead of kwaejangnim. Where'd you get that from? :o

It's weird that L.joe didn't notice her being bling after all the time he spent with her, but it's a fic so it's okay.

Flow[8/10]: I don't really like how new characters kept popping out and suddenly, Hey! You have an amazing idol cousin! It's a bit weird.. But it's okay.

Also in Chapter 23, Jessica suddenly apologise ~~~ in a matter of one line. She should've regressed, like shifting in her seat feeling guilty of ~~~ blaming herself, etc.

You could've been more detailed with the story, like how ~~~ was casted into the show, etc.

Overall Enjoyment[11/15]: It was mediocre, a bit boring sometimes.. I won't really recommend it to my friends, the story is too plain. But not in any way bad.

Grade: 63%  

Reviewed By Aissh

P.S. It's my first review, If you feel uncomfortable or aything let me know, we'll discuss it cold headed, aye? I am aware of the fact that I am sort of harsh, but it's my honest thought :3 If you want a new less-harsh version, let me know~. And, this is already not that harsh, initially it was 50 something but then I re-checked em :)

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cottonSHINeecandy
SmileFlyy-- has deactivated without informating me, sorry if you requested from her. Please request again from someone else.

Comments

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Miss-Kpop
#1
In_Disguise #2
Chapter 2: Is there by any chance , *cough cough* my review will be finished after a year? XD just wondering, I'm just wondering why a sudden stop of updating?
Chullys
#3
Ummmm this is random but you spelt "subscribe" wrong on your foreword? Perhaps this was done on purpose? O_O
In_Disguise #4
Chapter 1: Hi~! Can I um.. Pass my request to Imyeoniyeomni? Please do (^-^) thank you.
psyche_delic
#5
Excuse me, I just accidentally sent up my form, I was actually planned to send it on other day .__. I'm sorry
UwinLe #6
This is kind of awkward and it might seem like I'm a stalker, but I somewhat really enjoy reading your reviews on people fics. :)
Imlucifer
#7
Chapter 2: So sorry for this, but would tell AyoWhatUpKrease I would like to cancel my request.
Can I have a different reviewer instead. Any one will do but my request will go out to cottonSHINEEcandy or vnxazn. Please tell her I'm really sorry for the switch and she is still happy enough to be subscribed to my story :)
d-tsuga
#8
I added you as affies ^^
Please link back ^^
Thanks!

https://www.asianfanfics.com/story/view/261617
KatyMikayla
#9
Chapter 68: Hqhahha i had their ages in the forewod but people kept telling me to delete the character charts. I'll just add it in the fist chapter then :) thank you so much for the wonderful rview!!
Promi53ToB3li3v3 #10
Cool shop!:)