Title [5/5]: Your title is intriguing. I like it. And if you think about it hard enough, the title makes sense, too. 

Posters [5/5]: Your title poster is pretty nice. It’s not my personal taste, but in general it is appealing. The other posters are pretty cool, too, because it’s not very often that I see a different poster/image for each chapter. Squelettique did a good job on them all. Sometimes I wondered whether they would fit the story, but as I read I found some connections. Anyways, pretty pictures of Dara would make anyone read. Teehee. 

Description & Foreword [9/10]: I really like what you were doing with your description, it definitely draws me in. Something about it felt a little off to me, though. Could it be that it dragged one line too long? Ah, ignore my babbling.  Your foreword didn’t really have anything, so I don’t really know how to judge it. But I’ll let it slide since your description was quite strong. Maybe next time, you could insert an excerpt from the first chapter, or a couple of quotes to really grab the readers. 

Plot and Characters[28/30]: Poor Dara. I sort of felt bad for her, yet sometimes I felt in the beginning she wasn’t defined by anything, except by her fear of the sasaeng. To readers who don’t know much about Dara, 2NE1, or BIGBANG, they wouldn’t really have known that she was normally a sweet bubbly kiddish kind of person, with a hint of badass. But as I progressed through the fic, I began to understand Dara and her paranoia, which is a very big thing for you as a writer to accomplish. So good job. :D
Your plot is engaging, I liked it. Very descriptive, as well. I really enjoyed that even though you incorporated OC’s into the fic, you didn’t make them overshadow the main characters or seem unrealistic. I had fun trying to guess Hyo Jung’s condition, and I like how Dara’s initial feelings for TOP aren’t exactly rational/healthy. The story is very realistic and twisted, which is perfect, since it’s about Dara’s insanity. 
One thing that bothered me was that Dara has conversations in her mind with the sasaeng who tried to kill her. This was confusing. At first, I had thought Dara was talking to herself. It took a while before I realized that Dara thought she was hearing the sasaeng’s voice. I think you should just explain this a little more, putting in phrases like, “That ’s voice rung in my ears” and “I inwardly answered her”, whenever this exchange of thoughts happens. 

Grammar/Spelling/Punctuation/Word Choice [22/25]: Urgh. In the description, there’s ONE grammatical error (change “says” to “say”).  Your grammar is good, but for some minor flaws. If I were you I would just reread chapters, to see if you catch anything that may seem a little off to you. For example, in chapter 1, you used the phrase, “inaudible noise”. That’s sort of an oxymoron, because noise means that you hear something. Sorry, that was just one little quirk to me; you may have meant to do that on purpose LOL. 
Chapter 2 had a lot of mistakes. “..maybe I’ll write a song about me” should be changed to “maybe he’ll write a song about me”. “I must be a burden to..” should be “I must have been a burden to..”. Another thing was that “Her crackle” should have been “her cackle”. The sentence, “She’s extremely pretty as I find myself a bit unconscious” at the end of the chapter bothered me as well. Unconscious means knocked-out, not awake. I think the word you’re looking for is self-conscious, which means being aware of oneself, or shy. 
I advise you go back and read through your whole story. Not just skim, but actually carefully read, to fix these minor mistakes. Add in some missing punctuation marks, edit sentences with grammatical errors, be aware of word choice and grammatical tenses. I saw many errors that can be easily fixed if you just make sure your sentences are all in the same tense. (example: Chapter 4 – “It was stupid of me to think that this is a good thing.” Change is to was so that the whole sentence is past tense.) You have a nice vocabulary; it was refreshing. 

Flow[9/10]: Your timing was perfect. I really enjoyed the flow. There was something in the first chapter that confused me. Dara is recounting the day before the incident, when she received the phone call from the sasaeng. But right after, you immediately go back to the scene where Dara is walking onstage. I think you should put an extra page break there to signify the end of the memory and the start of the “present” time. 
Wow, the thoughts/mental conversations of Dara are interesting and come in at the right times. But, like I said above, they occasionally confused me, especially towards the beginning. In the later chapters, the sasaeng’s presence in Dara’s mind is a lot easier to follow, and more clear. Good job on improving!

Overall Enjoyment[14/15]: I really liked this. From the very first chapter, I was in. Again, scattered around, there were a few quirks and mistakes that slightly irked me, but the story was entertaining enough to make me want to continue reading. I especially enjoyed the part where Dara finally snaps and decides to rebel against th hospital; I felt as if I were with her, running away from the nurses, breathing hard and trying to escape. I’m keeping an eye out on this story, and will continue reading following chapters. If I am entertained by the following chapters and see improvements, I’ll most likely subscribe! I didn’t feel worthy to review this. I have to say, this was one of the most entertaining stories I’ve ever read on AFF. This was a really original idea, and was pulled off well. Keep up the good work!

Total: 92% a.k.a 92/100 a.k.a A- Reviewed By: tillynilly