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Author:v66352

Story title: The Logic of Living

Story type: One Shot 

Reviewer:KangSangMun

Review completion:1/1/2016

Story Link:

Overall Story rating: 10/10 

Title: [6/10]

First let me start off by applauding you for a pretty much original title, I don’t see another fanfic on AFF with the same title; so that’s a great sign. However,this part of the marking scheme was pretty hard for me, purely because I didn’t know what type of score to allocate. The title of your story left me with mixed feelings; one part of me likes it, and then another part of me not so much. I don’t feel it does enough justice to such a lovely story.

The title is a good fit in the sense that it adequately mirrors the premise of the story. You present two characters who inadvertently come up solutions to solve/mitigate the problems the other faces in their life. Thus they reasoned out the logics of living? (Correct me if I’m wrong) Not to mention it fits in well with the slightly solemn mood you’ve set in the start.

The problem I have with it though, is that it grabbed my attention a bit, but not to the point where I’d actually rush to click the next button to see what awaited me on the other side. While not giving away too much in the title is good-great even, but your title should give a little away, just a tiny bit. I know that it’s pretty difficult to come up titles, in fact it’s the hardest part for me. Because you have a short time to capture the attention of your readers, so your title has to make your story seem rather interesting. I wouldn’t have really gotten much about your story if I hadn’t actually read it. One thing though that stands out to me is the irony and paradox littered throughout the fanfic. If you could I’d advice to utilize those in some way to create a better title.

Foreword/Description: [10/10]

There’s not much I can say about this, your description was impeccable.  You got across the main point of your story and grabbed my attention without giving away too much in the foreword. Also the way you wrote it allowed me to form an impression of your characters, thus I was able to familiarize myself with them before actually reading the fanfic.

Plot/ character development:[10/10]

I haven’t read a lot of fanfics like yours; it was refreshing and pretty original. In terms of believability I’d say it is, both characters seem very obnoxious so I can imagine them fighting over who has the right to jump. Your story has a great pace, because it gradually builds up to the as the characters are arguing. It is also through their argument that we learn some prominent details about your characters and what lead them to that spot in the first place. 

Characterization: [9/10]

As I stated before, the confrontation your characters had  was a great way to reveal your characters' past which is utterly necessary so that readers can understand why they both want to die. I’d say both your characters made significant progress, compared to the start of the story. In the end  their overall mood and outlook on life changed while they were arguing about who should jump.  Because, while  they were so engrossed in their argument, they were ironically  able to solve how the other could move on with their life and be happy; simply because they wanted to justify why they should actually be the one to die. 

The only reason whyI didn't give you a solid ten for this section is because I feel like you could have done a bit more in terms of describing your characters.You described what Sehun was wearing , but it would have actually been nice if you gave us a little bit more about how he looks.The most I got about his physical appearance is that he's seeminly 'handsome', which your female character made a note of. Same for your female character as well,  while you did make note of some features,that didn't tell me much about how she looked or what she was wearing. Sehun even noted she was cute, but what made her seem cute to him,esecially when he seemed to be so preoccupied with death?

Grammar/Syntax:[10/10]

There are little to no errors, well none that I detected so I’m giving you a perfect score in this area. Though I’d like to point out some slight changes that you can make.

“First come first serve, hadn’t this heard of this line?” [It’s more so a saying than a line per say]

“What the is your problem?” He yelled and pissed off by her man-handling

I’d reword it like this; His brows kissed at the center and his lips tugged into an obvious scowl as he yelled “What the is your problem!?” clearly pissed off by her man-handling.

It would have been great if you showed that he was angry rather than say it. Also it would have been a great opportunity here to actually describe what he looks like.

Vocabulary: [10/10]

I don’t have a problem with your vocabulary, I found that the diction used was adequate and brought across your train of thoughts effectively enough.

Setting/Description: [9/10]

Firstly I’d like to say you write beautifully, for some reason I love your writing style. There was no need for you to be overly descriptive either, because realistically speaking neither character would notice too much about their surroundings; given that they’re thinking about suicide and arguing about why they have the right to jump off the bridge; as a result, the simply description adds to the believability of the story. However, it would be nice to actually know where the bridge is, does it have a name? Do people commit suicide alot there? If they do, then there is nothing remotely special about the bridge so it would make their argument pointless. 

/Conclusion:[10/10]

when the story comes to an end something quite unexpected and twisted happens, they didn’t react with shock (which I anticipated), but laughter which I found to be bloody brilliant. The mood changed from one of morbidity to hope and that’s how I knew that they both found the urge to live. This kind of goes back to what I said earlier about your title, it doesn’t fully capture the essence of your plot because your characters found life through their need to die. 

Enjoyment:[10/10]

I must say, I thoroughly enjoyed reading your fanfic; the twist at the end was just brilliant. It even had me cracking up. And I may sound a tad greedy, but I wish it was longer. Your writing style gripped me and I love the extensive use of irony. I found it insanely paradoxical that they were adding value to the other’s life while devaluing the worth of theirs it’s was brilliant, good job. I’d actually read your fanfic again and recommend it.

total: 84/90 

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