Author: Katakatica

Story title: Everblue 

Story type: Oneshot

Reviewer:EmyAne

Review completion:8/1/2016

Story Link:

Overall Story rating: 7.5/10 

Title: [8/10]

First of all, I'd like to point out that you should capitalize your title. It should be Everblue not everblue. Your title is very original, I have never seen a story titled Everblue, so kudos to you for owning the title. I just have one question though, what does everblue actually mean? I would guess it has something to do with the  sky since you wrote about it in your description.
I was thinking that maybe I was just too ignorant to actually understand the meaning, but your title seems a bit ambiguous so it did not  grab my attention initially. Maybe it intrigued others but it did not have the same effect on me. However, the originality of the title helped you to gain more marks. 

Foreword/Description: [8/10]

For the description, I do think it was able to grab my attention. The sentence was quite intriguing and the excerpt gives out a little bit of insight of what the story will be about. 

Plot:[6/10]

In regards to your plot I couldn’t actually grasp what  happened. At first, they seem to  know each other, and out of the blue, they already know that they are soulmates. I don't really find that to be believable and furthermore that idea is a bit overused if you asked me. Also, it could be me, but it seems like everything happened in a flash, like it happened too quickly. I understand that it is only a one-shot but a gradual build up would have been nice. 

Characterization: [7/10]

For the characterization, in regards to Luhan, I don’t understand him fully. Is he mute? Is he mute from natural reasons  or is it something which occrured  because of traumatic reasons. If he was mute after a traumatic incident, and  he decided to shut other people out; he would still be able to talk. However, Luhan dosen't talk at all. That’s what makes me wonder.

Other than that, I think you’ve did a quite good job of  developing the character. Since the story’s setting is quite short, maybe just for two days, I could see the development that Luhan and Sehun made since the start until the end of the story. Luhan started to slowly open up to Sehun, and so does Sehun. Although it does makes me wonder about the ambiguous ending, I guess I should read the sequel to understand it further. 

Grammar/ Syntax:[10/10]

In my opinion, you have a very few  grammatical errors . Everything seemed to be fine to me.  Your sentences are properly constructed too. The story is very descriptive and even though I love reading narrative stories  more, you story piqued my interest a little. 

Vocabulary:[10/10]

You have a very wide range of vocabulary and I applause you for that!

Setting/Description:[6/10]

You are very descriptive of the characters, physically and emotionally which I uttery  loved . The only thing I can’t really get is your setting. I get that was school, but where is it ? And the people around Luhan, after what happen in the past, were they still after him? Why is everyone being a sweetheart to him? I don’t really get it.

/Conclusion: [5/10]

Maybe it's  just me but I can't  get the conclusion at all. I know that there will be a sequel, but I couldn't seem to wrap my mind around it completely. 

Enjoyment: [6/10]

I quite enjoyed the story, but it was just not my cup of tea. I’d probably recommend it to HunHan’s shipper, but I don’t think you would be able to make non-HunHan’s shipper fall in love with your story. 

Total: [66 / 90]

I do think you are a very good author, and looking at the amount of subscribers to your story, I'm sure you'll definitely grow and become a good author along with them, so good luck! 

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