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Author: constipatedpotato

Story title: Your Hand In Mine

Story type: Chaptered

Reviewer: vronvron

Review completion: 3/4/2016

Story Link

Overall Story rating: 8/10 

Title: [8/10]

The title is quite sweet and shows the reader that there'll be some form of romance and a theme of trust perhaps. However, there are several other stories on AFF with the same title.

Foreword/Description: [8/10]

Your description of the story is good, however, I think that perhaps you could reword the sentences as it seems much more like you're telling rather than showing us.

As for your foreword, it gives the reader a good sneak peek to what will happen to Bambam and leaves the reader with some mystery.

Plot/ character development:[8/10]

Since the story isn't over yet, it's hard to say how much of your plot or the characters have developed so far. However, I do think that the characters should have more time to develop and slow it down perhaps. As for the plot, I think it's still in it's early stages.

Characterization: [8/10]

The characters in the story are all quite different, as it can be seen from the information you provided the readers before beginning with the story. I feel that perhaps all the main characters in the story should have their own parts on the odd occasion, not always necessarily focused on Bambam so much, even though he is the lead character. As readers, we need a bit of relief from the actual plot sometimes.

Grammar/Syntax:[8/10]

Most of your grammar was good, other than a few minor typos which could be overlooked. However, I did notice that some of your word orders a bit odd, but this may just be from personal judgement. Different cultures speak in different ways and so it may be normal to some but odd to others. I suggest to read over your work.

Vocabulary: [8/10]

Your choice of vocab is overall, well chosen. However, I think there are times when you may be overusing more sophisticated words, which can cause some readers to be confused. I understand that the story is not very light-hearted, but I feel as though you should try and read over your writing to see if it makes sense.

Setting/Description: [9/10]

The settings and descriptions of your story, are good. The way you describe the locations give a good indication to the readers as to whereabout it is. The university seems to be a very central area for where your story takes place and you seem to have a good grasp about where the scenes of the story take place. Although, perhaps describing the locations a bit more could help visualise it better for the readers, this is not a must though.

/Conclusion:[10/10]

Since the story isn't complete yet, but I hope something great will happen to solve the mystery about Bambam's powers and the whereabouts of Youngjae.

Enjoyment:[8/10]

I enjoyed reading it, even though it isn't like many other stories I would normally read.

Total: 75/90

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Good luck with the rest of your story ^^