Author : AwesomeIceCream

Story Title : The Butterfly's Flower

Story Type : Oneshot

Reviewer : sonnet_sartori

Story Link

Overall Story Rating - 73

Title [9/10]

At first glance, your title held a lot of promise. It was mysterious and grabbed my attention immediately. It had me wondering what exactly the story could be about, but then as I read your story, it slowly started to lose that mysterious aura. What is the butterfly's flower? Is it the larkspur flower? Is it a metaphor?What is it? The last sentence was beautiful, it explained the title, but not the story. Minhyuk and Taerin's 'love' is too vague to be called that. The title is beautiful, true, but I can't exactly say that it suits the story. 

Foreword and Description [8/10]

The description is good; it's good enough to catch the reader's eye. But the sentence "Purple eyes that could heal the blind, skin purer than a fresh layer of winter snow, lips as inviting as a lavish banquet fit for a king to indulge in." is too long and has too many comparisons. Make it shorter and crisper. Also, one thing I've noticed in your writing is that you do not know how to make use of sentence lengths. Always follow a long sentence with a shorter one. Maybe this will help. 

Plot [7/10]

Your plot is definitely very unique and not at all cliched, but it's not meant to be a oneshot. It has all the complexity to be a chaptered story, because there are too many unanswered questions. The reader is kind of left hanging at the end, and not in a good way. Why was Minhyuk injured in the first place? What was the 'fire'? The plot is good; too good to just be a oneshot. Maybe you should consider expanding it into a full-length chaptered story.

Characterization and Character Development [9/10]

This is one of the few stories I've read where all the characters are in balance. Good job on that one, but you should focus on giving Taerin a little more life; make him seem more human (if that is what he is)

Grammar/Syntax [10/10]

Great grammar, I noticed only a few errors, and they weren't too major.

Vocabulary [9/10]

Again, you tend to use longer words when you could've just used a shorter substitute. Remember that using longer words does not make your story seem more sophisticated, it only confuses the reader.

Setting/Description [9/10]

You have really paid much attention to the settings, and that's good. You described everything in just the right amount of detail; leaving a few bits to the reader's imagination. I would have liked more description of the characters, though.

/Conclusion [4/10]

Like I said before, an open-ending means that only one or two questions are left unanswered. In your story, the entire plot itself is a big question. The was good, but not great. It left me frustrated and doubting my own reading skills. 

Enjoyment [8/10]

I love stories that are original and unique, and your story definitely lived up to my expectations. All I hope is that you write maybe another chapter explaining it all. 

Total - 73

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