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Author: Shirotakashi

Story title: A Spectacular Taste

Story type: Chaptered

Reviewer: vronvron

Review completion: 8/4/2016

Story Link

Overall Story rating: 7/10

Title: [9/10]

The title is unique and there are no other stories on AFF with the same title currently. Also, there is a certain mystery within the title that makes the readers curious to read on.

Foreword/Description: [8/10]

Your description of the story is pretty concise and straight to the point. Although, it doesn't tell us much, it does allow the readers to have some kind of idea where Mihi comes from.

The character information in your foreword helps the readers visualise the characters and have a better grasp of them.

Plot/ character development:[7/10]

I feel as though there doesn't seem to be much character development happening amongst the characters. They are all at this one stage and not moving much. I feel as though you should work on developing the characters a bit more, like will Mihi ever really think of EXO as her friends rather than a group of annoying guys?

Characterization: [7/10]

The characterisation of some of the characters are a bit confusing and tend to overlap a bit. Although, I can tell that you're trying to make them all quite different and unique. I suggest that you try and make a personal document or note of some kind to remind about which character behaves in a certain way, and also how they will develop from their experiences throughout the story: i.e. becoming more open, more considerate of others, etc.

Grammar/Syntax:[6/10]

Most of the grammar was alright, however, I am not too sure as to why you capitalised "Mom" and "Mother". Also, when there is a comma before the quotation mark, unless you are writing the person's name, you do not need to capitalise the first letter.

• "I said WAKE UP Jeong Mihi," She said it, this time with a louder voice.
• "I said WAKE UP Jeong Mihi," she said, this time with a louder voice.

Also wanted to point out that your past tense is somewhat inconsistent. You do not seem to be adding -ed or -d to words which need it. Words like "glared", "sniffled", "groaned", etc. Another thing is, you don't need to repeat "silly" twice to describe both mother and daughter.

• Mr. Jeong put the newspaper down to watch his silly wife and silly daughter argue again.
• Mr. Jeong put the newspaper down to watch his silly wife and daughter argue again.

I also noticed that you seem to be misusing a word. "Understatement" is not the correct word. The word you should be using is "understanding". Understatement means to represent something in a weak way.

Vocabulary: [6/10]

Your vocabulary is a bit inconsistent throughout the story. I feel as though the more sophisticated language is used in the correct context, but written a bit strangely. It isn't necessary to try and use more sophisticated words, especially since it doesn't quite fit the story. It's based in high school, so the language can be a bit simpler, rather than trying to use larger words in the wrong way, grammatically.

Setting/Description: [8/10]

The setting descriptions are pretty nice, although, I think that you should be more specific rather than using "next to that was" or "beside it". You don't necessarily have to state what is beside the location or setting. You could simply use "in the distance" or "several meters away" instead.

/Conclusion:[9/10]

Although your grammar and vocab need improvement, the overall storyline seems to be alright. However, just remember that whatever complications and conflict you bring up throughout the story, you have to have some kind of resolution to it, even if it's quite brief where the reader can decide on what happened.

Enjoyment:[10/10]

Although at times, I had to decipher what you were trying to say, I must say that I enjoyed reading the amount that I did (and plan on continuing to read it after this review). It's a nice light-hearted story.

Total: 70/90

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Good luck with the rest of your story ^^