Author: Im-yeon

Story Title: Yours, Faithfully

Reviewer: 92-pcy (Soojung)

Review Completion: 13/02/2016

Story Link: 

Overall rating: 8/10

Since your story is chaptered, and your plot is still ongoing, it’s pretty hard to identify the gist of the plot through your title just yet, however, the idea is pretty much there.

[2] Does it lack originality?

Not too much so, it’s a great title, however my only problem with it is that it does not accurately portray the dark nature of the story that you’re going for, it’s leaning more towards one of sophistication, soft and elegant. However, it would be unfair to judge still, as I do not know how your story would end up like.

[3] Is the title too wordy?

Definitely not!

[4] Does it give away too much?

No, it is does not really reflect the plot as much, hence it does not provided any spoilers etc.

Description/Foreword- Score Attained: 8 /10

[1] Is the description concise?

It summarizes your plot decently, just right to evoke the right amount of interest.

 [2] Does it give away too much?

Absolutely not, don’t worry your description is just fine, it leaves the reader in suspense as it provides subtle hints in relation to your plot, I personally find it intriguing.

[3] Does it grab the reader’s attention?

I’ve touched on this previously. It does allow the reader to decipher 

 [4] Does it reflect the overall idea of the plot?

Yes, from your plot, as quoted:

“ She had fallen deep for him from their first encounter. And when this stranger she barely knew popped out a ring and asked for her hand in marriage, she immediately said yes.“ She didn’t realize she was digging her own grave”

The idea lies in these two sentences from your description, because it leads me to think that the overall development of this story would link to Yoona’s naïve persona, coupled with the dysfunctional, deceiving relationship of betrayal between your main characters.

Plot-  Score Attained:  8/10

[1] Is your plot original?

Your plot is belongs to the dark, angst genre of fan-fictions, although commonly opted, it does stand out due to your good grasp of the language. I personally really like the development of your story.

[2] Is your plot believable?

The setting and characters are relatable, especially so for Yoona, as I can see this plot being portrayed in real life. One thing that really sets you apart is that you don’t commit the common mistake that authors here often make, which is to over exaggerate excessively in order to substantiate the interest of their plot.

[3] Does it have a good pace?

I enjoy the pace and gradual development of your story, it is correctly paced, so not much of an issue here.

Characterization-  Score Attained:  7/10

[1] Are your characters realistic?

They are rightfully portrayed as such, as every aspect of your description really fits and plays along with how they should precede in terms of their emotions. I’ll say well done!

 [2] Are your character’s feelings justifiable?

Yes, I realize that you are very fond of including dialogues, followed by their relative adjectives to describe their current emotions while conversing.“

[3] Are your character’s adequately developed?

[4] Do you adequately describe your characters?

You tend to lean more on emotional description, so do try and depict your characters appearance wise when necessary.  However, there are times where your description of the dressings and outfits of the characters and appearances really show through, and I would like to have more of that (:

“ She was so y. The red dress hugged her curvy figure beautifully. She had full firm bottoms and a perky full top” ( take note of the red highlighted parts ) but that is an example of a good description of one’s outfit, that led about the subsequent character’s emotion, by how it affects, in this case Donghae.

Grammar and Syntax -Score Attained:   6  /10

[1] Do you have minimal grammatical errors?

Grammar wise, you’re doing fine, take not of your sentence structuring, as some of them do not correspond with each other and it sounds odd at times. But I do get what you are trying to express. 

[2] Are your sentences properly structured and punctuated?

Punctuation is not a problem at all. However do take note of your structure though! I would recommend having it proof read.

Vocabulary usage-  Score Attained:   9 /10

[1] How extensive is your vocabulary?

You have a good grasp of the vocabulary, seeing that there is a extensive usage within your writing, however as I said, do take note of your tenses and structure at times.

Setting and description-Score Attained:    8/10

[1] Did you successfully manage to establish the story’s setting? , including the description aspect

“ The grand ballroom portrayed the elegance and wealth of the Im family. From the priceless ornaments, the smartly dressed butlers to the exquisite food and beverages.” (Good description of the setting )

and conclusion- Score Attained:   /10

Not applicable, since it’s a chaptered story. (Do let me know if you would like another review done when your story is completed)

Overall enjoyment-  Score Attained    8 /10

I do enjoy your story and plot overall, and I look forward to seeing your story completed and I’ll make an effort to look through it once more.

Total Score:    60 /80

So sorry for the long wait! Here’s your review, do remember to credit the shop and I look forward to seeing your story flourish in terms of views! Do visit us and render your support once more! Comments and constructive criticisms are greatly appreciated!

Do provide me your insights on what you think about my review.  Being a novice, I would greatly appreciate constructive criticisms and your kind comments as they really spur me on! Thank you so much for choosing The Sleeping Phoenix as your review shop of choice, don’t forget to credit the shop accordingly, I can’t wait to see you soon (: Have a wonderful day ahead! 

Reviewer: Soo Jung (92-pcy)