Author:Ladyerror

Story title:Rebirth 

Story type: One Shot/ Chaptered

Reviewer:Tychee

Review completion:15/6/2016

Story Link

Overall Story rating: 7.5/10

Title: [3.5/ 10]
Your story title is not very original nor eye-catching. However, it suits the story quite well. Though I feel you could come up with a better title,one that is more eye-catching, oringinal and refelcts the plot well. For exmple metempsychosis ? or A chance to fall again ? The hands of fate? Temporal  Loop of Jun Jin ,Finding you again...I'm just brain-storming here and hinting at the fact that there are better  titles. 

Foreword/Description: [4/10]
Your descripion does not leave for much t be desired,it's a bit bland in all honesty and I did not feel compelled to actually read it. I think a little more effort is needed in this aspect. Write something that eloquently refelcts the plot of your story, grabs the attention of your readers and makes them want to invest their time into potentially reading what you have witten. In terms of what you have written, it does not flow effortlessly, is gramtically flawed and does not effectively reflective the plot of your story.

LOVE comes in many forms.  [I can see where this is reflected in your story]
[Being] ALONE felt wrong, anyone could end up his life being alone.
If [being] alone is so easy, why would we try so hard no [not should be here instead of no ] to be alone?  
If loving is so hard, why would we still want it?
 

[If you read what you wrote in your foreword you can see that it sounds a bit contraictory and your sentences dangle or they're missing conjuntons for example] 
Being alone felt wrong,but anyone could end up being alone in this life. 
In the second line you're asking, if being alne is so easy,why would we try so hard not to be alone? You already answered this question in the first line, the answer is that being alone felt wrong so no one would want to be alone even if it were easy. 
Then in the third line you ask, if loving is so hard why would we still want it, well you also anwered that in your second line, because people try not to be alone. 
[I don't think this is a great attention grabber to attract readers,i'd advise you to changing it and using an exercpt from your story] 

I whispered to him.
We would be reborn. 
I promise you, there was a miracle.
It happened to me.
 
We would be reborn,
And I would find you.
I would recognize your soul.
I would fall in love with you again.
I would.

This is consise, spicy and is refelctive of what your story is about without giving away too much, and in all honesty i'd immediately read whatever you've written with a description like that.

Plot: [10/10]

*Claps slowly* I must admit,you deserve the full score for this section,I have not seen or read anything like your story before.It takes the cake for being original,well in my book. The idea of lovers bing reborned and meeeting and falling in love again is cliched. But I beleive you made this idea very much your own.I couldn't stop reading once I started.The title and the foreword didn't do a great job of grabbing my attnetion,but once i started reading I was hooked. Your story also progressed nicely,it didn't feel too face paced or rushed, it built up gradually each time and I liked that. While you've changed certain aspect of the the sotry each time your characters are reborned,it gets very predicatble in the end becuase I know they will both die again so I think the story is better off as a one shot,rather than a chaptered book. However,if you truly intend on makng it a chaptered story,you would truly need to slow the space,given that the ace you have now is appropriate for a one-shot,if you intend to make it chaptered you will have to dig a little deeper,make your characters deeper etc. For example; in the first part of the story where he's a statue and his lover is his sculptor and they both die in the end.In the second part you would have to go completely into their lives and start the story over from there.But as it tands currently, continuing to write as you are now will make the the story mundane and detracts from the overall beauty of it. 

Characterization [8.5/10]

I find that your characters were adequately developed,you did a good job of explaning their back stories, saying who they are,what they do.etc etc. I also find that the actions of your characters are very realistic and understanable.However, I do have one little problem,why didn't they recognize each other when your characters played the role of the sculptor and statue,or was it at that point they realized that they were destined to be with each other? If that's the case you would need to clearly explain how the statue was 'alive' meaning,it had already possesed human senses before he became a real man; for example he could see,hear and even feel before he was alive?  Also how did the statue come alive,what being posessing such unearhtly power caused the statue to come alive and why was there a limit on the amount time he had available to be a man? 

Grammar [7/10]
Your story is well written, minus the few grammatical errors I spotted here and there.I'd advise you to get someone to read it over for you and comb through the errors,like a Beta-reader perhaps.

Vocabulary[8/10]

Your vocabulary is satisfactory,as there is still room for improvment. 

Setting/Description[8/10]
I don't know where the story is set exactly,but you gave adequate enough description of where your charactes were etc.I find that you very descriptive in regards to the emotions your characters felt and I loved that alot,I was truly able to connect to your characters and feel their pain;it was a bit poeatic of sorts and very profound.  

/Conclusion [5/10]

There's no true as the fanfic is still on-going from what I have seen, but like i've pointed out- each time I  read a chapter I know that it will end with them both dying or never turly being able to love each other due to whatever obstacles they face.I'll be quite frank when I say it gets a bit boring after a while since I can ultimately predict the ending. Soooo,  you may want to actually choose one plot for example chapter two, where he was reborned but Eric fell in love with somoneone else,you could actually use that entire idea as the story itself to continue  the fanfiction instead of doing a myriad of one-shots which are a bit predicatable. {<<<< Just an opinion}

Enjoyment [7.5/10]
I enjoyed reading your story and I would indeed read it again and recommend it to someone  else. 
Total: [61.5/90]