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Author:KaihleeLo

Story title: Concealed Identity

Story type: Chaptered

Reviewer: vronvron

Review completion:28/3/2016

Story Link

Overall Story rating: 8/10 

Title: [8/10]

The title of your story is quite unique and matches the genre of mystery well, there don't seem to be many stories on AFF with the same name and so that's a plus. The only reasons why marks were deducted for this section is because your title and description seem almost like two different stories at some point, although for the most part, it helps with the mystery as to why you named you story this.

Foreword/Description: [8/10]

As for your foreword/description, I thought that it was good, keeping the mystery there, but also telling the readers of the adventure element of the story as well. One of the only problems I had, was the fact that there were just so many things on there. I think that maybe you could adjust the layout of everything to make it look a tad bit neater and easier to read the actual information/blurd/foreword that the readers want to find.

Plot/ character development:[9/10]

I can't say too much in this section as the story is nowhere near finished. Just one thing I have to comment on, and something that I feel all authors tend to do at some point, including myself, is to rush the character development a bit. I feel that perhaps Yoomi and Inpyo's characters within the first few chapters experience almost a bit too much for a story which is planning on taking up to 70 chapters.

Characterization: [8/10]

The characters in the story all seem pretty unique but also very much like the typical kind of people you'd find in the historical dramas which you have been inspired by. The power hungry higher ups and nobles and the inner conflict within the royal family seems very relevant. However, I do think that these views on the characters you have written about were a bit cliche and you could mix it up a bit with very different and surprising characters.

Grammar/Syntax:[8/10]

Most of your grammar is good, however, I couldn't help but notice that some of your word orders were a bit odd(?).

For example:

But other than your word order, you seem to have many long sentences. I feel like you could possibly shorten them a bit. For action scenes, they should be short and concise to give the feeling of adrenaline and the quick heartbeat of the fighter. And longer sentences should be used to describe places and the setting. A mixture of both long and short sentences need to be present otherwise continous strings of long sentences can bore the reader more than anything. When you read something, you want variety and change to entertain you.

Vocabulary: [9/10]

Your choice of vocabulary is to be commended. I can tell that you are trying to keep it somewhat sophisticated to match the theme and setting of the story. The use of words relevant to that era is also good, however, I believe that writing from a historical point of view is difficult as the characters would speak in a different way, perhaps more formal if you'd like. So, in that aspect, you lost that mark, however, overall your vocabulary is good.

Setting/Description: [8/10]

The setting definitely is specific, naming the actual cities and places in your story. Although I am not a hundred per cent sure how real those places are, I think that perhaps, to make it more believable, you could have described the actual kingdom or town a bit more towards the beginning of the story. Although, the first part of the story is very heavily focused around the palace, I think that if you could describe it a bit more clearly, then it would be better.

Overall, your describing is satisfactory, but perhaps you need to just build on your sentence structure more to actually make it seem clear.

/Conclusion:[10/10]

As the story isn't anywhere near finished as yet, I will simply go by the events which have occurred and the last chapter I read. I think that the story is going to be great for those who want the adventurous, very K-drama style kind of story, filled with different characters and sub-plots.

Enjoyment:[8/10]

Overall, it was a nice read, but due to the different word orders and minor grammatical errors, it made me a little bit confused at times. I think if those were fixed up a bit more, then it would be a better read.

Total: 76/90

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Good luck with the rest of your story ^^