Title: [5/10] I would first like to say that I applaud you for coming up with such an original title. Never heard of another story with the same one. I also think that it was pretty eye-catching. And it will make you think "Oh, I wonder what this story is about.". However, I did not quite understand how the title related to the plot. So I guess it means that Tiffany's anger towards her family came out in a huge ball of hot, shining, fire? Either way, I didn't fully grasp the thought behind it and I don't think the readers did either.
Foreword/Description: [7/10] The description is very eye-catching especially how you compared Tiffany's story to 'a fireball that came from an ice queen'. I applaud you yet again! It was also very concise and I thought that it could give you a perfect overview of the story without revealing too much about the plot. Just like how a proper description should be. However, I don't understand the purpose of the foreword. I personally think you should remove them, but that would be too demanding of me wouldn't it?
Plot: [9/10] As for the plot, I think that it was pretty original, having not read many stories of that type of genre. I found it a bit hard to understand though. Mostly because there were a ton of characters and even more drama. But I liked that you set it at a pace that seemed just right too me. Not too many things were happening at the same time which was good. I enjoyed how I gradually learned more about Tiffany and the other girls back story towards the end so I wasn't left with any questions about the plot.
Characterization: [5/10] I thought that Tiffany's violence towards her family and her family's willingness to forgive her to be quite unrealistic. But maybe it was how unrealistically the characters were portrayed was what made them them.
But let me just say that I loved your characters dialogue! Though you did not provide a fair description on how they usually act or anything-- but the dialogue was enough to get a description of your characters. Though I do think that you could've put more effort into writing about their facial expressions, clothes they were wearing or describing what they looked like on the outside instead of relying on the fact that we're already supposed to know what they looked like.
Grammar/Syntax: [10/10] I found no problems with your grammar or spelling whatsoever! (Or at least none that I found) So I'm giving you a solid ten!
Vocabulary: [10/10] I had no problem with your vocabulary at all! I am very happy that you used simple words yet in a way didn't seem repetitive so that you could get your line of thought across.
Setting/Description: [3/10] I think that your description of the setting of the story was very poor. It would've helped if you made more effort to describe the little things like not just saying that they went to a warehouse or a hotel room. But instead diving deeper about the floor, walls, and furniture. Or something that the character first took note of when they entered that place.
/Conclusion: [5/10] I actually am not sure really. You never stated if Sooyoung actually forgave Tiffany for what she did to Yoona or if any of the characters did, really. I think it would've been better if you included a last meeting between Tiffany and her family before her death so that the any conflicts will be cleared up and Tiffany's grudge towards them will be forgiven.
Enjoyment: [8/10] All I can say is-- this book touched me. It may not be perfect but it did. Though I probably will not read this again, I would definitely recommend this to anyone that is looking for a good psychological fic. Over all, I think you did a pretty good job in writing this! Though there is still room for improvement here and there.
Chapter 45: Finally! I was actually waiting after the day you announced that it will be posted. Anyway, I'm happy for your review.
I know it is something not all people will waste time reading. It's cliche. Over used plot. Nothing really special just some typical drama. XD. No one would actually repeat reading stories that is already predictable. What am I saying? Lol. I am not really aiming for readers when I first wrote this. This is actually a gift for a friend because she really really love Baekhyun and she was the one who told me to post it here and ask for a review. But, when people started noticing it, I was like "I have to at least tell them what happened after. They deserve it" and yes, I know I will give them a sequel that is not really something to go back XD Lol.
Regarding the title, I would really really like to change it but my friend already read this and she doesn't want me to change what was done. She's kind of childish and selfish C:
Thank you for correcting my errors. I know there are lots of it and I do need someone who can point it out for me because I can't do it for myself. (disadvantage of not having English as the mother language) Thank you and sorry I wasn't able to meet your satisfaction :( .
Chapter 43: I have read my review and will credit as soon as possible, I am a bit under studying pressure, so it may take a while. Thank you very much again.
(c) for the side story of this oneshot (it's going to focus more on the past of Kai and Krystal), because I feel like I was too focused on trying to make this unbreakable bond between the two of them that I forgot to explain more about their past. So, there will be answers to your questions on the side story, I'll probably request a review for it once I posted it!
Whoa, I didn't realise I made that typo. I'll fix it right away, thank you so much!
Once again, thank you so much for reviewing and reading this story. I'm very honoured that you like it overall, I'm really glad that you had a good read and the time I spent brainstorming the plot and characterisation didn't go to waste. I will certainly comeback to this shop to get another review from you. I've also credited your shop in my foreword and upvoted this thread. Thank you so much, have a nice day <3
Title: [5/10]
I would first like to say that I applaud you for coming up with such an original title. Never heard of another story with the same one. I also think that it was pretty eye-catching. And it will make you think "Oh, I wonder what this story is about.". However, I did not quite understand how the title related to the plot. So I guess it means that Tiffany's anger towards her family came out in a huge ball of hot, shining, fire? Either way, I didn't fully grasp the thought behind it and I don't think the readers did either.
Foreword/Description: [7/10]
The description is very eye-catching especially how you compared Tiffany's story to 'a fireball that came from an ice queen'. I applaud you yet again! It was also very concise and I thought that it could give you a perfect overview of the story without revealing too much about the plot. Just like how a proper description should be. However, I don't understand the purpose of the foreword. I personally think you should remove them, but that would be too demanding of me wouldn't it?
Plot: [9/10]
As for the plot, I think that it was pretty original, having not read many stories of that type of genre. I found it a bit hard to understand though. Mostly because there were a ton of characters and even more drama. But I liked that you set it at a pace that seemed just right too me. Not too many things were happening at the same time which was good. I enjoyed how I gradually learned more about Tiffany and the other girls back story towards the end so I wasn't left with any questions about the plot.
Characterization: [5/10]
I thought that Tiffany's violence towards her family and her family's willingness to forgive her to be quite unrealistic. But maybe it was how unrealistically the characters were portrayed was what made them them.
But let me just say that I loved your characters dialogue! Though you did not provide a fair description on how they usually act or anything-- but the dialogue was enough to get a description of your characters. Though I do think that you could've put more effort into writing about their facial expressions, clothes they were wearing or describing what they looked like on the outside instead of relying on the fact that we're already supposed to know what they looked like.
Grammar/Syntax: [10/10]
I found no problems with your grammar or spelling whatsoever! (Or at least none that I found) So I'm giving you a solid ten!
Vocabulary: [10/10]
I had no problem with your vocabulary at all! I am very happy that you used simple words yet in a way didn't seem repetitive so that you could get your line of thought across.
Setting/Description: [3/10]
I think that your description of the setting of the story was very poor. It would've helped if you made more effort to describe the little things like not just saying that they went to a warehouse or a hotel room. But instead diving deeper about the floor, walls, and furniture. Or something that the character first took note of when they entered that place.
/Conclusion: [5/10]
I actually am not sure really. You never stated if Sooyoung actually forgave Tiffany for what she did to Yoona or if any of the characters did, really. I think it would've been better if you included a last meeting between Tiffany and her family before her death so that the any conflicts will be cleared up and Tiffany's grudge towards them will be forgiven.
Enjoyment: [8/10]
All I can say is-- this book touched me. It may not be perfect but it did. Though I probably will not read this again, I would definitely recommend this to anyone that is looking for a good psychological fic. Over all, I think you did a pretty good job in writing this! Though there is still room for improvement here and there.
Total: [62/90]