Author:Redocean

Story title:Away from the Shadows, Destroyed by the Light

Story type: One Shot

Reviewer:Tychee

Review completion:6/7/2016

Story Link

Overall Story rating: 10/10

Title: [9/10]

Your title is nothing short of the word, perfect. It is unique, extremely original in its own right, well in the realms of Aff. It clearly and concisely reflects your plot and grabbed my attention instantly. My first thoughts were, this sounds interesting and the title has a great ring to it. I could tell that the story would revolve around some profound topic which brings me to my next point, your title also helped me to infer possible thematic issues, which I liked. You lost a mark in regards to the capitalization of the title. It should be Away from the Shadows, Destroyed by the Light.

Foreword/Description: [10/10]

I adored your description it was eloquently written, little to no grammatical errors spotted. It was not only gripping but it brought alive my insatiable need to read more and find out more about your characters which seemed to be well developed and interesting. Also, this may be totally inconsequential, but I loved the glass metaphor you used- most descriptions forewords I see are highly simplistic in nature, but reading what you wrote slightly urged me to go and improve my own writing, so great job.

Plot [10/10]

To be honest, I just want to write one word for this review haha- perfect. I don’t think I have much work to do in regards to reviewing your work. It is just so well-written, almost to the point it’s flawless to be honest, if anything I should be asking you for a review haha. The story kept me on my toes to the very end, I couldn’t quite put my finger on where you were taking me as a reader which I loved. I think your story was also brilliantly paced as it ultimately leads up to the which was rather shocking – but in a completely good way, it was in no way clichéd.

Characterization [10/10]

Your characters, Krystal and Kai were brilliantly developed. I liked the fact that they both had dark pasts which is how they were able to understand each other. There was more than adequate description of your characters and good enough explanation of their backstories which I absolutely loved. Both their behaviors were justifiable and extremely believable. Her reaction to the catalyst which fully breathe life into her trauma was plausible, I couldn’t have pictured it happening differently, his reaction to her death was also very realistic he spent years trying to save her from herself, from her pains- but he was inevitably unable to do so; which is why he totally disregarded the fact that she was dead, he was trapped inside a  glass of his own.I liked how you conveyed their feelings, how tumultuous their relationship was even though Kai wanted to presented it as something perfect which wasn't. In all honesty I think it was his inability to see their relationship for what it was which caused her to die ultimately. He created an unnecessary burden which made her feel obligated to actually surpress those dark thoughts she had and eventually it was too overwheming. So hence, the light (Kai) which was meant to save her from her darkness lead to her demise,which is why your title is so appropriate. If you think about it, neither of them truly ever really talked about their problems,they just glossed it over with sweet kisses and I love yous which was not healthy for either characters . Though I have one enquiry, was Kyrstal without friends? Kai had his own dark past but he had friends. And even if she had no friends,what about her family? 

Grammar/ Syntax[10/10]

Your sentences were properly constructed, there were little to no errors, I only spotted on error and its’s where he told her that whoever told her she was a monster was a jerk or something of the sort. But instead of putting whoever, you had however. That was the only instance I actually spotted an error.

Vocabulary [10/10]

Your vocabulary is great, I had no problem with your diction; it was more than satisfactory, especially for someone who says English isn’t their mother tongue- so kudos to you.

Setting/Description [10/10]

You effectively described the various settings, I knew exactly where the story was taking place when the scene shifted which I loved. Your description was immaculate and it just brought your story to life, your use of metaphors and other literary devices was lovely.

 /Conclusion [10/10]

I think the was extreremly believable and offered great closure to the story. I think it was a brlialiantly written one-shot all in all. 

Enjoyment [10/ 10]

I loved your story to bits, it was well developed, had great description and characters and you just brought it all to life. I would definitely read it again and recommend it someone. I’ve been reviewing stories for quite some while and this is the first time where I genuinely felt my review would be pointless, because it truly is. You did a great job in crafting such a beauty. The only problem I have with your fanfic is that I wished it was longer.

Total: [89/90]

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