Author: shashashy

Story title: Pink Laces

Story type: Chaptered

Reviewer: vronvron

Review completion: 22/5/2016

Story Link

Overall Story rating: 8/10

Title: [10/10]

The title is unique and well, don't need to say too much about it since there don't seem to be other stories with the same title.

Foreword/Description: [8/10]

I feel as though you could perhaps describe what Fantagio Academy is like. Or who it's for as well, just briefly. Maybe tell the readers what kind of place the academy is because the description about the seasons is great, but there's no real context behind it. Is it a special school which bases things off the seasons? Does it follow a certain way of teaching? etc.

Plot/ character development:[9/10]

I actually think that even though the chapters are short, the development of the characters isn't bad. I feel that perhaps it was a tad bit rushed how Eunwoo was treating Chaemi kindly, but it works well with the plot. However, I do think that because the chapters are short, the story might end up with many chapters.

As i said, the chapters are a bit short in a way, but I think you just need some more descriptions of both settings and the characters thoughts and actions. But not too much so that it becomes a hassle to read through unnecessary descriptions.

Characterization: [8/10]

The characters seem to have definite traits about themselves which set them apart from each other. However, I do feel like you could spend a bit more time describing Eunwoo. Chaemi seems to be getting more descriptions than Eunwoo and it makes his actions rather sudden.

Grammar/Syntax:[7/10]

When there is dialogue, you might want to be careful with the full stops and commas. "Chocolate." Ms Kwon said. should be "Chocolate," Ms Kwon said. There should be a comma before the ending quotation mark, not a full stop.

Also, I noticed that you tended to switch from present tense and past tense between sentences or scenes. Be careful about that and make sure to stick to one or the other as it can become confusing for the readers.

Vocabulary: [7/10]

Your choice of vocabulary is satisfactory. The simple language suits the story since it's based around school. However, do be careful when using descriptive language. One word may mean something, but a synonym may sound better. Try and read the descriptions out loud and see if they make sense when reading them.

Setting/Description: [7/10]

The descriptions of their clothes - or gowns in the prologue chapter - might need some work. Maybe describe if its a fitting dress, whether the pattern is similar to plaid or striped. When you look at a dress like it, then what do you say in your head that it looks like?

As for setting, I feel like that you may want to work on describing the place rather than just tacking it in the first part of the scene. For example, as the characters move from one side of the room to another or from room to another. These kinds of descriptions help with the flow of the story and helps the readers visualise the places.

/Conclusion:[10/10]

The story is yet to be complete, but I feel as though with a bit more work with descriptions, the climx and conclusion should be great!

Enjoyment:[9/10]

It was a strange yet unique twist on the classic story and I'm sure it's relatable to younger people. Keep up the work, your writing can only improve with practice! :)

Total: 75/90

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Good luck with the rest of your story ^^