Story Title : 1.5/5

The title didn't intrigue me that much. I get the vibe that it feels like a chapter, rather than a real title. So, I'd advise you to find an appropriate title, as the right title will attract readers more and makes them interested.

Graphics : 9/10

I really like the poster, credit to Olivemoon for that. It shows mystery, paranormal things that are bound to happen in the story. The color palette matches well with the genre. The caption 'Who's the real devil between the mysterious and friendly guy' makes me questions a lot, in ways that it feels like a person have hidden personality or it tells me that among them (EXO members), there are real 'devils' among them. But nevertheless, great poster!

Description : 6/10

At first glance, I feel like you're giving away the plot of the story. Description, in a nutshell, is summarization of what you're going to tell readers, without revealing everything. Tricky, huh? What I'd recommend you is to have a reference of your favorite writer with the same genre, study them and think about merging your style into it. I understand that description is such a hassle to deal with, and I honestly feel the struggle to do the same. Also, I can't help but notice the spelling errors/misuses in the sentences. The underlined words are mistakes.

The original description:

A girl called Park Jiyeon. Her life is all the same, nothing different. She lived alone because her parents are busy in their own business world. Despite being lonely, she's still a cheerful and happy go lucky person. She always try to discover new thinks and sometimes even make hereself in troubles but she could careless about it. Her all hard work of finding adventure always went vain. So despite the fact of being cheerful and happy, she couldn't be proud of herself. But that all changed when her school got burned with some unknown reason. Her life changed when she transferred into XOXO High School. There she find everything normal except this boy who always sit in the last seat of the last row. His eyes are always observing on the each students movement but what more weird is when someone talk to him he would ignore their presence and act like they don't exist leaving around him nothing but himself. He's the one that got Jiyeon's whole attention making her to stalk him around just to know the real reason but she made herself in something that she could never believe could exist in this world. Her life didn't change much but she saw the reality with her very own eyes. But the most important think that bother her is... Do Kyungsoo was human or some other creature? She was curious... And curiosity was what killed the cat...

Not only there are mistakes, it is a very detailed description. This is what I think suitable:

Being curious isn't what Park Jiyeon is normally accustomed to, she was usually cheerful and lives a life that revolves only with her lone presence. When her school burnt down mysteriously, she was transferred to XOXO High School. All else was normal, except for a cold and distant boy named Do Kyungsoo. They said, curiosity killed the cat, and Park Jiyeon was no less than to agree with the statement. Do Kyungsoo isn't your typical human... or is he even human to begin with?

I've tried to tell the story without revealing much, and filtered some that I feel suitable to include in the chapter instead. I hope you can take this as an example ^^

Plot : 18/30

I was having a hard time to read your story, I guess it is the grammar mistakes and misuses of words in some part. It didn't bother me that much, but it does affect the whole flow of the story. But I can conclude that the plot flows nicely. Though, for the first few chapters, it feels like a lot has happened in between. And I felt a little rush coming from the storyline as it nears the end. Another thing to point out is the fact that the 'mystery' or 'paranormal' genre does not serve as a big picture in this story. I feel like something is missing, and correct me for my lack of reading paranormal things, but I am searching for suspense, or better yet— the 'thrill'.

Characterization : 10.5/15

Because some of the characters are minor appearance, I will focus mainly on Jiyeon and her interaction with the others. Jiyeon is definitely friendly and able to adapt well in her new school. Given that Chanyeol and Chorong are her close friends, which happens so suddenly, I can't help but feel that I lack the chemistry between these two friends. It would be great if there's something that reasoned their immediate 'close friends', probably with a few scenes. And here's the part where Kyungsoo appears. Cold and invisible among their classmates, he was mysterious, yet Jiyeon approached him so casually. I was surprised at the development of these two. Realistically, to approach someone like Kyungsoo should be hard. Hence, I can't stop but feel a forcing interaction between them. And again, I'd advise you slowly create a chemistry or interaction with each character.

Writing style and Grammar: 10/20

There're no major things to point out your way of writing. It is decent and easy to visualize the things you're telling, except that, it lacks emotions. I guess I am an addict to feel the characters emotionally, I was thoroughly empty as a large percentage of your story only tells the actions, rather than what it feels within them.

Grammar-wise, there're numerous mistakes. Which then explains my difficulty to read your story. I'd suggest you to reread the lines, or simply hire a beta reader.

Personal Enjoyment : 5/10

Total : 60/100
 

COMMENTS AND SUGGESTIONS: I am not a fan of paranormal things, however, your plot is acceptable enough to earn a slight enjoyment on my part. This is not an entirely bad story, it is above average, to be very honest. Though the repetitive mistakes in grammar and spelling is a big turn off, it is still a good read. Please don't take this harshly and improve mostly in your grammars and spelling. You have the potential to be better. :)
REVIEWED ON: 14/03/15