Story Title : 3/5

The title inflicted a romance genre, so my first impression is a fluffy kind of story. It's not entirely special, but there is slight impact that makes me want to read it.

Graphics : 8/10

Honestly, I'd prefer the other poster made by LulluExotic. But, it's your preference so I won't judge you ^^ the poster is okay, I just find it a little messy. Maybe the idea that Sehun and Kai's picture is with flowers, and the girl somehow in a breezy scenery, kind of like she's on a beach, it doesn't really match well for the whole poster.

Description : 8/10

The description is simple and straight forward, so I have no complaints about it. But I would suggest you to make it a little unique, because it seems cliche and I can find the same description all over aff. Not that it is wrong, but readers who are looking for something different might not be interested.

And there's this part that I feel repetitive:

Do they have feelings for each other or do they only have lust for each other?

Is there love between them or is there only lust?

I think it'll be better if you give a slight conclusion at the end of the question, just to provide a little hint to readers, though I understand you want to write it mysteriously ^^

Plot : 16/30

I'll evaluate this part chapter by chapter, which is three chapters as I am aware that you're in the process of editing your story.

Chapter 1:

This chapter is the start of their 'friend with benefits'. I will try my best to overlook the whole scene and focus solely on the plot. So Hana called Jongin to her place and BOOM, they did it. I am quite shocked because how long has it been that they were ually attracted to each other? They're the best of friends, and it is really hard to feel aroused almost immediately. Okay, I get the fact that these are young people and it should have been a one time thing, but I guess it's like an arrangement now. They never talk about being 'friends with benefits', they just do it and that's it.

Chapter 2:

They woke up next to each other casually, as if having with your best friend is not that surprising at all. Then they went to school like good kids, minding their own business until Jongin gets jealous. And they did it again. Here's the thing, it happens so fast. I'd understand if Jongin really have feelings for her, but it would be better if the term 'friends with benefits' are taken seriously. But this seems like they're already a couple, and Hana is being oblivious is not helping the poor guy. I can't help but feel that there are a big leap to this part, which focuses on Jongin's and Hana's emotion. I think it engaged me more into the chapter if you expand the plot emotionally. Then I'll understand the whole jealousy conflict.

Chapter 3:

And they have a 'rough' again. Can I just give a round of applause for these two youngsters energies? I can't find the plot here except for the fact that she rejected Lee Joon's lunch offer as she promised to have lunch with Jongin earlier. And it is .

Overall: I can't comment further since I only read up to three chapters. But the whole plot just resolves around . I know this is tagged with '', and you promise a fluff storyline in the next chapter. There are plenty of stories that mentions a lot of scenes, but I'd appreciate it if you somehow added more on their interactions. Other than that, I can tolerate it.

Characterization : 12/15

I will compare this section from your character chapter and based on the story so far.

Hana:

Hana is 17 years old. She is a high school student who is beautiful, y, and have long brown hair. She has big brown eyes and an eye smile that makes all the guys in her school adore he, while girls were envious of her. She is cold-hearted to eveyone except Jongin. Why is she cold-hearted?The answer is her parents do not care about her. They only care about their company, all the time. They were overseas. She's very very rich. Their company is one of the richest company in Korea. Her life is so boring and lonely until she meets Jongin. She only opens up to Jongin and he's the only person she trusts. She only shows her true self which is bubbly, cheerful, lovely and cute to him. She is the only child in her family. She is half-korean and hlaf-chinese. Her Chinese name is Xing yan.

From the story:

She is not friendly, yet she is close to only Jongin. It is a big contrast to her demeanor because she is also seductive. For a 17 year old, it rarely happens. Maybe a little curious to , but she initiated first, and I was very surprised.

Jongin:

He is 17 years old but he was one month older than Hana. He is also a high school student. He's very handsome and y which Hana only knows. He is neither a kingka of the school nor a nerd. He is a cheerful, shy, clever and hard-working guy. He always studies and Hana always call him a nerd. Unlike Hana, his life is not so rich nor so poor. His family owns a normal restaurant. His father is a chef. He is the eldest of their family. He has a 7 year old brother. Hana knows that Jongin deeply loves his family. Hana is also close with his family members. After school, she always goes to their shop. She loves his parents who are unlike her parents.Jongin has his little secret. Hana doesn't know about it.What will be his secret?And he becomes cold to everyone later because of Hana did something.

From the story:

Jongin is not a nobody, people know him because he is close to Hana. There is no indication that he is a nerd. He is shy and stutters a lot around Hana. He's possessive too. I can't say much except that Jongin is in love with Hana. He's just being denial.

Overall: Just like the plot, there is a huge gap in understanding the characters too. I feel that it is not a solid personality, well, maybe a little such that Jongin is shy, but for Hana's sake, I can't seem to point out her 'cold' personality enough to tell that she's cold-hearted. But the close friendship between them is obvious.

Writing style and Grammar: 12/20

Writing style: The description part is acceptable. It is simple and easy to understand. However, the way you include their '' moans, I am not comfortable with it. Maybe to some readers, it creates a stimulation. I'd like it if you lessen the ual moans, I mean, I know what moans sounded like... *blinks and blushes* Anyway, more action and less speeches. I'd like it if the scenes are stimulated in my mind instead of word-based. But then again, the scenes are really your choice. ^^

Grammar: There are minor mistakes, due to the fact that you're in the midst of editing the whole story so I can't really find any major mistakes. Just be careful with the use of 'Korean' words as some people may not understand 'Yah' or 'Arasso'.

Personal Enjoyment : 5/10

Total : 64/100

COMMENTS AND SUGGESTIONS: Because I am very particular in genre, I can't seem to enjoy fully on the story. I wish there is more that you can offer for both Hana and Jongin in the first three chapters. Overall, please don't feel discouraged and keep writing. I just want you to emphasize more on the view of the character's emotions, so that'll really help readers to feel connected throughout the story.
REVIEWED ON: 06/03/15