Story Title : 3/5

The titles say it all —it is basically a character waiting for someone, or hoping for the return of someone, and in this case, CL. I am not that psych with the title because I know it comes from 2NE1's song track, so there are plenty of other writers who are using it.

Graphics : 6/10

I like the idea that you're using a picture with the right setting, where she was looking at a distance and that really portrayed an emotion that you're going to lay out in the story. However, I found that the red font is quite hard to see, it contrasts greatly with the whole color of the picture. What I'd recommend you is to use a creamy-white color and maybe place both lines together, so it'll show that it comes out as a quote, and write it 'I wait for you day and night. Please come back home.' That way, it'll connect more to the audience who are going to read your story. Another thing is, to add in the title of the story —this is important.

Description : 6/10

A description is the focal point of your story. It'll determine what you're going to tell, and from the description you've provided, it only shows the internal feelings of a character without readers actually have the basic idea of the whole story. You've given a short description in your request form, which is:

After breaking up during her trainee years, CL longs for her love, even after she debuted as an idol.

This is actually applicable to your description. Think of it in this structure:

After breaking up during her trainee years, CL longs for her love, even after she debuted as an idol.

'You left without saying anything. We loved each other very much. We made memories together. We kissed, we made love. We had fun together. We loved each other. So please, come back home.'

— CL.

Do you see the difference of mixing a short description and CL's quote there? :)

Plot : 17/30

The story started, readers as CL, and read out her inner feelings during 'Come Back Home' performance. Every line of the song reminds CL of her past lover. The whole plot is a diary of how heartbroken she is, how terrible it is to go through her idol life without him. As much as it is hard for her to move on, she soon realizes that if she improves herself, she'll get him back. And the story stopped there, providing no ending. I think it is unique, how it left readers to either take it in a good or bad way. If it's for the better, she could move on and be happy. If it ended badly, she could be unhappy for the rest of her life. Personally, I could see her moving on yet still hold a piece of hope within her. But then, an absence of an ending can really confuse some reader, so they would think that it felt like it misses an important detail. Because of this, I have to deduct points.

Characterization : 9/15

CL: A heartbroken woman, an idol and suppresses her sadness throughout the song. She is still in the state of holding on to her former love, hoping for his return, thus, the 'Come Back Home.' There's not much to tell her character because she is just a sad person in the whole aspect.

Writing style and Grammar: 14/20

I like your writing style, where you lay out the lyrics and give a sentence of CL's inner emotions. But, I would like it better if you broaden more on her thoughts, and connect the line with her sadness.

For instance:

Red tears come falling down

I missed your scent that embraced me

I remember just sitting in bed, wishing for you to come back, crying my eyes out. My eyes always ended up red and bloated; my face with dry tears. I always carried the pillow you gave me before you went away, hoping your scent will never go away.

You can add in more words, because your writing is really deep and if it wasn't for the 'italic' indication of the lyrics, I could mistake it as the lyric too.

Grammar wise, I can only point out that you needed double checking.

Personal Enjoyment : 5/10

Total : 60/100

COMMENTS AND SUGGESTIONS: I really wish for more. I want to know her story, how did it happen and everything that led to her state. You could add so much in the storyline. I am quite disappointed that it is very short, so I'd advise you to explain your story further and don't be afraid to tell everything. Despite that, I am able to connect emotionally with your story.
REVIEWED ON: 01/03/15