Story Title: 2/5

Although original, your title does not make sense as it is confusing. It did catch my attention, but did not interest me. It also didn't strike me as a title for an angst and romance fic.

Graphics: 7/10

 I like that Kris is in a basketball jersey, but I prefer your last poster over this one, even if the last poster was cute and romantic, because it had a better, more subtle way of inducing basketball. Your current poster is romance-themed, and I highly reccomend you get an angst, romance themed poster.

Description/Foreword: 4/10

I'd first like to point out your grammar errors, mainly your incorrect tense shifts. If you don't know what these are, here is an example: She went to the store and buy ice cream. The correct sentence would be: She went to the store and bought ice cream. You cannot simply just change whether or not the verb is in past, present, or future tense. The foreword had an okay character list, and gave some depth to the characters and introduced new characters. I liked the fact that I got interested in Hana's illness and Kris's love for her, despite the grammar mistakes.

Original:Hana use to be captain basketball at her old school. Her school always the winner. Her team was a strongest women team. One day, she retreat from the basketball and move from Busan, where her old school, to Seoul. She never told everyone about her illness except her parents and her old coach. Until she meet Kris, was also captain of basketball in XOXO High School. His passion toward basketball was really strong. Everytime she saw him played, she feels like she was playing as leading the group as a captain. But she can't because.... " This is fated of my life" -Hana

Kris Wu is arrogant, riches and wild boy. That what everyone thought of him. He's actually caring and nice guy. He has crush on Krystal. His hobby is playing basketball. Almost everyday he played as he leading the team as a captain. He's really responsibility on her job. He enjoy having friends with EXO. He meet you at the first time, when Hana caught him smoking in school compound. " Pathetic" That was she call him. He's pissed. One day, he saw you playing basketball. He's falling in love when Hana playing it. It's so beautiful. But he's curious why Hana keep refuse to enter basketball women team. He wanted to know her as he always saying to her...

" Don't ever give up" -Kris

Revised: Hana used to be the captain of the basketball team of her old school, and because it was the strongest women's team, her team would always win. Because of a secret illness, Hana had to resign from being captain, and she moved from Busan to Seoul, where her family lived. When she met Kris, his passionate love for basketball moved her. Hana felt as if she was captain too, leading the team, whenever she saw Kris play. However... "It was fate."

Kris Wu was arrogant, rich, and wild. Underneath howver, he was caring and completely different from his exterior. Everything was normal, including his crush on Krystal and being good friends with EXO, until Hana caught him smoking. "Pathetic," was what she called him. Falling in love with Hana ever since he saw her play, Kris got rid of his negative feelings and wondered why Hana, who made basketball a beautiful art, refused to tryout for the women's basketball team. He wasnted to get to know Hana, all while saying... "Don't ever give up."

With correct punctuation, you can create more detailed, interesting sentences that capture the reader's attention.

Plot: 26/30

There is only a prologue, so it's hard to judge. I do like your idea to use Myasthenia Gravis because I've never heard of it before this story. Again, there are many grammar mistakes, and it was hard for me to understand what you meant when reading your story. So far, it is interesting and hooks the reader. In the description, you said Hana lived with her grandmother in Busan while Krystal lived with her family in Seoul. If there is an interesting backstory, you should somehow find a way to incorporate it into the story naturally.

Characterization: 13/15

Try to add some traits to the characters so that it's not just facts.

Writing Style and Grammar: 10/20

As stated before, your grammar needs improving. Your sentences are also very simple, and you should try writing longer, more detailed sentences that actively engage the reader's attention. Without these sentences, your story seems flat and monotonous.

Personal Enjoyment: 7/10

It is frustrating to have to stop and correct your mistakes. However, your prologue does hook the reader's attention. On another note, I love Hana already. I can feel her pain and anxiety, and that makes me want to keep reading.

Total: 69/100 Fighting!
 

COMMENTS AND SUGGESTIONS: I highly suggest hiring a beta-reader just so your story is easier to read and understand. I'm sorry if I seem harsh. I just want people to do their best and deliver a story that touches the hearts of others. I'm also sorry that your review is so late. I'm getting used to a new review shop, so thank you for being patient!
REVIEWED ON: 4/3/15