Story Title : 5/5

I like the title. It was captivating enough to attract readers and, it is original and anti-cliche. Other than that, it tells me that conflicts will bound to happen between the main characters, HunHan and Taoris.

Graphics : 8/10

The graphic is okay, although I'd like it if there are more colors other than hint of red. It gives me a vibe of mystery instead of romance. The only thing that I'd like to point out is the slightest difficulty to read the 'were you sick of the love I gave you?', but the font size saves it. Nevertheless, it is a nice poster so don't worry about it :)

Description : 6/10

I am not really psych with the description. It lacks the 'pulling' factor, because there are tons of fic that based on cheating and drama, etc. I can't help but notice that you missed out a few things.

Original:

Sehun has a live in partner, his name is tao and he loved him.

He can't live without his panda...he is the only thing that makes him complete.

and he stayed loyal for him, for the past 4 years of their relationship..

Until the past came back to destroy his life once more..

Luhan....

Edited:

Sehun has a live in partner. His name is Tao and he loved him. He can't live without his panda. He is the only thing that makes him complete. And he stayed loyally for him, for the past 4 years of their relationship. Until the past came back to destroy his life once more : Luhan.

The edited version seems more suited as a description. I hope you're okay with it ^^

Plot : 22/30

There's nothing much to point out except some spelling and grammar errors, but I'll touch that in the next section. Honestly, I like the flow of your story. Each chapter brings out little by little, which is then merged to make sense of everything. Even if it is cliche and something that I could predict just by the chapter title itself, it is still a good plot because you are able to take the exact moment and take full advantage of that. You have a good balance of storytelling and emotional development. However, few points deducted because I am still looking for a slight originality and realism, well, honestly, cheating hurts and I would personally like it if there are more hint of guilt, anger, sadness and betrayal. Everything —just pour me with every bit of this emotion.

Characterization : 13/15

Because the main character here is obviously Sehun, Luhan, Tao and Kris, as well as some cameo from other EXO members, I will evaluate mostly on the main characters and their interactions with the others.

Sehun: His character is someone that I can conclude as confusing. Why? Because he loves two people at the same time. Personality wise, he is a warm person, and that only applies to someone he cares, like Tao and his close friends. Because Sehun is posed as a character who cheated first, it would be natural for me to hate him. But then, I respect your ways to create justice for Sehun. He is, after all, human and makes mistakes.

Luhan: Persistent, ambitious and a sneaky fox! Luhan, in all aspects, is definitely someone's sweet ex-lover turned into a nightmare. I can't help but feel sorry for him though. This character is so messed up and I have to salute you for creating someone with this personality. Seriously, without Luhan, there'll be no drama. So touche for that!

Tao: Your innocent, clueless and loyal character. He is kind and sweet, and it hurts me that he was treated this way. I can see a weak man behind all of this. But what makes me love him more than Sehun is, his human side is more realistic and although it is sad that this situation happens behind his back, I knew that Kris will treat him right.

Kris: The forever friendzone best friend. I never felt happy for an appearance of a new character before. Kris's introduction started in chapter 4 and I already fell for him. He is not entirely flirtatious like those cheesy pick line losers, but he is gentle and loving.

Overall: Such dynamic characters! I love your variation in characters and it is suitable to the genre of the story, along with your great flow of plot. It is not entirely perfect, but it is enjoyable and attractive.

Writing style and Grammar: 12/20

Writing style: I noticed that you have a broad sense of vocabulary, without much repetition and that is a plus point in terms of your writing style. However, there are some things that I need you to study and think more of how it should be without readers having the difficulty to cope, and that is you speech insertions into the story.

Original:

"And Luhan, you are really a brilliant designer. Actually i'm a avid fan of your works. and it was really nice to finally meet you in person.and they were right. you were really a gorgeous man in person." - Chanyeol said in flirtatious tone. Sehun bit back a scoff.

Editted:

"Luhan, you really are a brilliant designer. I am an avid fan of yours. And it was really nice to finally meet you in person. They were right –you're gorgeous." Chanyeol said flirtatiously, with Sehun trying to bite back a scoff.

Noticed that in the original content, I put on the bold for mistakes. You have the tendency to prolong unnecessary words. I can see that you keep on adding (-) after a conversation and it is unusual to do so, if you look into several writings from novels and books. Because, the indication of 'said' here is enough to tell that it comes from a person talking.

Grammar: Throughout reading, you really need to double check on your spellings and misuse of words. I'd recommend you to hire a beta reader or simply check on the paragraphs over and over again because you tend to repeat the mistakes.

Original:

"Cat got your tounge boy? i guess you're still stu-- Oh wait, speaking of the dev- Hey Luhan, Kai!"- he heard Chanyeol say. Sehun felt his heart rapidly beating in his chest at this moment.

Correction:

"Cat got your tongue, boy? i guess you're still stu– Oh wait, speaking of the dev– Hey Luhan, Kai!" he heard Chanyeol say. Sehun felt his heart rapidly beating in his chest at this moment.

Personal Enjoyment : 6/10

Total : 72/100 

COMMENTS AND SUGGESTIONS: A story with drama as a center is created justice for this one. I especially like the diversity in the characters, how each and every one of them have stories to tell. I can personally enjoy this sort of thing, but it may bite off some of the points because I am still searching for realistic views and it inflicted something personal for my liking. I can't expect more but I know that you are a potential author to keep up the game. Nevertheless, a story worth reading if you're into drama and heartbreaking moments. Please don't take my opinions negatively, and sorry for being harsh.
REVIEWED ON: 27/03/15