Put your name in the _____ places!

Enjoy!

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          My first job as their manager was obviously help them create a name for their group and get them out there for everyone to see. The boys told me they wanted to name themselves ‘Bangtan Boys.’ I didn’t ask why they wanted that name, but I thought it sounded good for a group like theirs. I planned out a font for them to use as a logo. “Do you guys have any outfits for your dances? Like costumes,” I asked. The boys turned to look at each other and gestured a no by shaking their heads. “Well for your songs that have a more romantic type of feeling, I think you should all stick to gentlemen like costumes like suits maybe.”

          "I think that would really leave an impression, other than our mad skills," Jungkook commented, adding a few moves to emphasize the skills they possessed. The other boys nodded along, while Namjoon played a song, possibly a candidate for my suit idea. As the song played on, Suga thought suits would be perfect for this song, and the rest agreed to his statement.

          "Do any of you have suits," I asked, wondering how much we need to make to purchase the suits we need. Three hands rised out of the seven of them. I wrote down '4 suits needed' in the notebook Jin handed me a few minutes ago. I looked through the rest of the book. Most of the pages consisted of lyrics, some with formations for dances, some hand-written routines. On other pages, they had been planning a gig. They picked out a place and found out the cost of the performance along with the renting of a dressing room. At the top of the page was the number, address, and website for the place. Jungkook pulled Namjoon, Suga, Jin, and Taehyung over to learn the counts of the choreography they were working on. I moved over to the seat Namjoon was sitting in and looked up the location written in the 'Bangtan Boys' book. I tried searching for a schedule of upcoming preformances, or where we can sign up for a preformance. I eventually found their schedule, and the next available preformance is in about four months. I made the assumption that we had to call to plan a date for our gig. All I could hope for the money we needed to pay for the gig. Of course we'll make a profit at other gigs, but this is how we would have to start out; losing money instead of earning it. Eventually I turned my attention to the boys who seemed to be a bit upset with each other. I noticed Hoseok and Taehyung managed to get everyone back on the same page. The atmosphere soon became thick with tension. I don't know how to slice though it, but it was time for me to go see Soo Jin.

          "I have to go see Soo Jin, can you all handle being here and not fight with each other without me?"

          "We'll keep it under control, don't worry _____," Taehyung replied, handing me my bag. I smiled and waved as I walked to my art studio and grabbed the painting of Soo Jin and I. Most of the happiness I was feeling just a second ago had left. I was overcome by sadness. How I'm going to face Soo Jin without breaking, I had no idea. I slowly walked to my car, dreading every step. As much as I want to see Soo Jin, I didn't want to hear what was going to happen after today. For all I know, she could be gone. Gone as in not alive, not physically here anymore. Then I shattered; I let my emotions get the best of me. Jin walked out to the garage, probably to close the garage door, assuming I had left surely. He rushed to me car door, which was open, and tried to make me feel better. Jin wiped the tears that fell from my eyes and smiled.

          "Go make her happy. Make sure she spends her last moments happily, can you do that for her," he questioned sweetly. I couldn't help but smile and giggle a little. He was right, so I nodded and watched him go back inside the house with the rest of his friends. I just didn't know how to make her happy if I wasn't myself.

          After arriving at the hospital, I take the elevator up to Soo Jin's floor. I walk into her room with a heavy heart, but I genuine smile on my face. I've never had any acting classes, so acting happy is going to be a real struggle. "Hey Soo Jin, how are you feeling?"

          "Like every other day, pretty ty." That was the first time I had heard her say a curse word, which shocked me, but I understand how she must feel. I nodded, regretting the question I had just asked when I knew the answer. "What's that you have behind your back," Soo Jin asked. I smiled widely, ready to expose my surprise. I a little, barely showing the image then pulling it away. "Oh come on, _____, hand it over," Soo Jin said smiling. I'm glad I got her to smile. I handed it to her, painted side down. She looked at me with a smirk then flipped the canvas over. Soo Jin gasped and covered with a hand that had tubes coming out from different areas on it. I noticed she had a few tears in her eyes, but she was also laughing. "Oh my goodness, we were such fetuses back then! I mean look at my little face! And your little teenage smile, ahh, truly priceless. Thank you, _____." Soo Jin stretched her arms out wide, asking for a hug and I came in, giving her a long, tight embrace. Soon her sister and a middle-aged woman entered the room. I left Soo Jin's arms to be replaced by her little sister. I sat in the seat along the wall and let Soo Jin and her family catch up. Eventually, a familar looking doctor walked in with a clipboard with Soo Jin's fate written on it.

          "Is everyone you wanted here with us today," the doctor asked Soo Jin and she replied with a nod. "I'm Dr. Min, and I'll be discussing Soo Jin's condition today. I'm sure Soo Jin told you all that the cancer has became more aggressive. We've tried many different surgeries, medicines, and more to slow it down, but there really is no use. If anything, it provoked it's growth. Soo Jin may or may not have mentioned this to you all, but if she is taken off any of the IVs or medicines connected to her right now, she won't be able to live without them. So today, we are here to discuss whether or not she should be taken off of these or not. Ultimately it is Soo Jin's decision, but you may all be able to convince her otherwise. Now I must mention even if she is taken outside for a long period of time and brought back, it could still worsen the situation. So Soo Jin, you may not get to finish off that bucket list of yours, but we will allow you to do as much as your body allows you. I'll be back in five minutes, if you have any questions, I'll answer them then." I heard every word the doctor said, but I felt completely solid, like nothing could enter or exit my brain, heart, ears; anything. I wanted to leave the room, but I know Soo Jin would never forgive me if I did. Losing my thought, I noticed Soo Jin's sister in tears, screaming and crying. Eventually she left and Soo Jin broke down, which caused my meltdown.

          "What are you thinking of doing, Soo Jin," the middle-aged woman asked, with very few tears rolling down her face.

          "I want these damn tubes out of me. As much as I want to finish my bucket list, I'd rather not. I'm content with what has been crossed off, but I can survive without doing these things." Soo Jin took out her list from under her pillow and ripped the list to shreds.

          "But that's the thing, Soo Jin. You're not surviving. You don't even want to try to finish it?"

          "Chung Ah, no. It's not worth it. Can you go make sure Eun Mi is okay, please," Soo Jin said a bit annoyed with Chung Ah, the middle-aged woman who has been sheltering Eun Mi, Soon Jin's sister. She left the room and ended up bringing Eun Mi back inside, who was an absolute mess, but I don't blame her.

          "Why!? You can't stay, even for me!? Unnie, I need you," Eun Mi shouted while hitting Soo Jin's bed. Soo Jin smoothed her hair but Eun Mi slapped it away. "Unnie, I hate you for doing this to me, now I'm really stuck with this woman! How could you do this to me!?"

          "Shut up! Eun Mi, I don't have a choice! I didn't ask for this, and I certainly don't want it! This isn't my fault. Blame me all you want, but you're going to regret hating me when I'm gone. I've tried so hard to keep you happy, despite my illness. I don't know how much effort I have put into your feelings, but I know it's more than half of me. I guess all my hard work was for nothing. Do you understand what's happening? Eun Mi, if you hate me so much, you can leave, but don't come back if you do. I'll be gone, just like Umma and Appa. If you weren't here, I'd rip these stupid needles out of me. That's how much I hate this, but I'm not because of you. I've stayed alive this long because of you." Eun Mi stopped crying and shouting. Maybe she had a moment of realization when she brought up their parents. "_____, what do you think?"

          I was still frozen from the information brought in by the doctor, but I managed to answer her question. "If you really don't want to struggle anymore, I support your decision of the medicines being removed. I know what it's like to live with a disease and it hold you back. I was just fired from my job because of it, and I can't go on to live my dream because of it. So..." I began to choke up, but I continued on, "I support you, and I always will." I smiled but it broke when I began to cry even more. As much as I wiped my own tears away, they kept coming. Dr. Min walked in and slowly shut the door behind him.

          "I see you all must have discussed this well," the doctor tried a small joke, but failed to get a laugh from anyone, which I'm sure he predicted. "Have you come to a conclusion?"

          "Yes...I want these things out of me," Soo Jin replied harshly. The doctor nodded and I was shattered once again. No she won't be suffering anymore, but I would be even more. This isn't about me. I need to think of Soo Jin's feelings. She doesn't want any of us to be upset. She wants us to think of this as the end of a nightmare of suffering and toture, but I don't think it'll end very soon for me. It'll be hard letting go.

          "Alright, well when would you like this to happen?"

          "This coming Saturday. I want to speak to all of these girls that day before we do this."

          Let the dreading begin.