Put your name in the _____ places!

Enjoy!

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

          After the Bangtan Boys finished their performance, I joined them in their dressing room. Not one of them looked happy, even though I walked in with a surprise cake. "You guys did great, why so down," I asked, setting down the cake on the table. Jimin pouted and ran to me for a hug.

          "We don't think we were good enough," he cried. I patted his back, hoping to lift his spirits.

          "I've seen you guys perform those songs God knows how many times, and those were the best out of all of them. You guys had the loudest cheers; I realy think you guys won first place. How could you not," I said smiling, trying to make eye contact with each of them. "Now, come on, we need to get you lined up for the awards. I'll be backstage waiting for you, okay?" The boys smiled and left the room happily, lining up in their usual order. I followed behind them but stopping just before we came to stairs to the stage. Taehyung looked back at me before he walked up the stairs and gave me a thumbs up which I returned.

          "Hello everyone! Are we ready for the awards," the host shouted into the mic, then pointing it to the audience to pick up their shouting voices and cheers. The audience cheered and I could hear a few people cheering for the Bangtan Boys, and their faces lit up. "We're still waiting for a few of the results, so in the mean time, let's freestyle!" The music and Hoseok and Jimin jumped in line before stepping up to show off their dance. They must've choreographed a dance since they immediately started a popping routine. Of course the master of tumbling (Jimin) added his special jump and walked back to the line with Hoseok. After that song, Jungkook came up, freestyling himself and added a one-handed back handspring. Several embarassing dances later from other groups, including some of the boys (especially Namjoon), the host came back on stage holding several envelopes. "And I'm back with the results! Let's start with the dance category! Are you ready? For best choreography we have..."

          After the award show, I waited in the dressing room for the boys. They won the best choreography and best crew for the dance category. As for the vocal category, they won best showmanship and audience favorite. The boys won third overall which meant they won 256,000 won (about $250). It wasn't 1,000,000 won but it was something, and it'll really help them out. The boys walked in, cheering and smiling happily, some with a few tears falling. Jungkook came in first, immediately running to me for a hug, with the others following behind. "We wanted to go out for drinks, do you want to come with us, _____," Jin asked as we packed up our belongings.

          "Oh, no you guys go ahead. I need to be somewhere tomorrow anyway. Can't show up with a hangover. Keep an eye on Mr. Jungkook here, he's still underage," I replied. I actually didn't care if I showed up with a hangover at my appointment, but alcohol will effect my oxygen levels for sure, so I better not.

          "I think I'll pass too," Taehyung said. They all looked at him like he was crazy, like why wouldn't he want to go drink? "I know it was my idea, but I think I'll just go home. I'm not really in the alcohol mood, and Jungkook you better not be in an alcohol mood," Taehyung said, pointing at Jungkook. Jungkook pouted and complained about him being the only one not allowed to drink. I finished cleaning up my area and waved to the boys as I left. I closed the door behind only for it to be opened again. "Uh, I was w-wondering if I could ride with you, since I-I'm not going with the guys," Taehyung stuttered while messing with his hair. I nodded and continued making my way to the car. Taehyung had walked back in the room to finish cleaning up and said he would meet me in the car. As I walked to the car, and I felt a sharp pain in my chest. Every time this happens it gets worse. My inhaler didn't do much since it only caused me to start gagging. Once I entered my car, I gulped down the bottle of water I saved from earlier. I couldn't catch my breath, and, because of the lack of oxygen, I couldn't stay still. A few minutes later, Taehyung came running to the passenger side of the car. Trying to stop coughing, I the radio as Taehyung sat down in the seat. "Are you okay, you look a little pale," he asked, looking at my face. He must not have seen me just a few seconds ago.

          "Yeah I'll be fine," I answered, trying to control my pain. On the ride home, Taehyung fell asleep, so I turned the radio down a bit so it wouldn't wake him. As for my pain and desire to cough, it eventally faded. Tomorrow was my doctor's appointment, and honestly now I was terrified to go. Scared of hearing what will happen next. For the past four years, all of my 'levels' have been balanced or have stayed the same but now they've spiked up or decreased, and I just don't know what to expect. Not once in the four years I've had cystic fibrosis would I ever have expected it to happen either, yet it did. After switching the gear into the park position,I got out of the car, immediately to cough, releasing the huge knot of pain in my chest. Taehyung still hadn't woken up, so I had to do it myself. After bidding a good night, he lazily walked across the street to his house, feeling his pockets for his keys. Eventually, he put the right key in the door and went inside, not giving me another look. I hestiated to go inside my own house. Scared of what could happen if I was alone, but also because I debated whether or not I should tell Taehyung the results had come in. I'll just wait until after I know exactly what's going on. He's tired anyway; I should let him sleep.

          "Is it okay, _____" the doctor asked, adjusting the tubes. I didn't respond because my answer was more than obvious. "I know you never thought it would have to come to this; we thought it would be longer before you needed it, but you'll get used to it. You'll start to feel like it's easier to breathe hopefully. We want you to stay over night so we can see if there's any progress with your oxygen levels. I'll leave so you can rest, _____; be back in a few hours," the doctor stated, leaving the room and shutting the door quietly. I felt the tube on my face, wiggling my nose to feel it move inside my nostrils. I desperately wanting to rip this thing out of me, but if I did, my condition would only get worse if I didn't keep it in. Now, I'm stuck on oxygen, possibly for the rest of my life.

          I hate this. More importantly, I hate myself for not wanting to stay strong and keep fighting. No, I couldn't think of anything in particular for me to be fighting for, except a group of people, but one person in particular. Taehyung. I didn't understand why all of my thoughts kept going back to him. I wondered how he'd react when I told him about this tank of oxygen I have to carry around. I wondered how the world would look at me differently, but only one specific person really came to mind. Would Taehyung look at me differently? Will he treat me the same? How could he? I grabbed my phone and pulled up the camera app. I looked at myself, and my eyes were directly guided to the tube coming from my nose. Even I look at myself differently. All I see now is someone who will always need something to keep them alive. It's pathetic. I am pathetic. No, this isn't my fault, but I can't even look at myself without thinking I'm going to die eventually. Before, no one could tell I was ill in the slightest. I looked like a normal, healthy woman. Now, I look like an ill child, dependent on this tank of air. I don't want the world to see me like this. I don't my friends to see me like this. I don't want Taehyung to see me like this. Am I even going to try to fight this? I don't have a 'go-getter,' as some would put it.

          At least I think I don't.