Put your name in the _____ places!

Enjoy!

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          Everyday since the talk with Soo Jin and her doctor, I've sulked, cried, screamed, and dreaded every second into the future. I did not want it to be Saturday. I was terrified to hear her final words to me. Although my heart will break into a million pieces, I needed to be happy for her. Soo Jin's source of toture will no longer torment her, and she can move on to a place much better than here. I know underneath she's terrified of dying, who wouldn't be? I think she's more scared for us; who she's leaving behind. Like she said, she didn't ask for this. No one does. Soo Jin's fate was decided five years ago. Even though it came a bit earlier than expected, it came and now it's time to let Fate do it's work.

          Today is Saturday, and I don't think I've ever felt so broken inside. I should've felt this way when my family left, but I didn't. Soo Jin has been the only one here for me since I was diagnosed. That's why I'm so broken. Soo Jin has been there from the start. I can't thank her enough for getting me through it, but now she's leaving and I don't know how I'll go on. Who will I talk to about my problems that only she understood? Finding people like her are rare, and that's why she's so important to me. She's different from most and has been with me since this all began. But it's her time.

          The guys decided to drive me up to the hospital. They figured I might not be able to drive due to 'heavy rain,' talking about my tears. I laughed because it was so true. I sat in the middle section with Hoseok and Taehyung on either side of me. I knew I cried more and more on the way there, and Taehyung wrapped an arm around my shoulder. I smiled when he looked at me, but I avoided his deep brown eyes for the sake of my tears. If I looked at him, I'd cry even more, knowing he has seen me at my worst, along with his friends. I've only known these boys for a week, almost two, but I already know how reliable they are; all of them. How I'm going to thank them, I had no idea. They probably don't want to hear my gratefulness, but they will one day.

          Jin parked the SUV in the visitor's lot and the rest of us exited the vehicle. I breathed deeply, and then I felt a horrific feeling. I really don't know if I can face Soo Jin. The boys began to walk to the entrance of the building, but I was standing like a statue. Jimin came up behind me and tried to push me, making cute, frustrated noises, but his strength didn't work. Suga and Jungkook took my arms and said, "You can do it, hwaiting!" I smiled but shook my head. I can't do it, but I have to. I took a few steps forward. I looked up at Taehyung, who was straight ahead. He flashed me a wide, brightening smile. Although it was hard, I smiled back with tears falling from my eyes. Still with Jungkook and Suga by my sides, and Jimin behind me, massaging my neck like I was getting ready for a boxing match, we entered the hospital. I felt like the wind had been knocked out of me. I tried to stop, but the boys around me kept me going. We walked straight to the elevator and piled in very tightly. Taehyung and I were the last to walk in and we were squished right next to each other. I knew he wanted me to look at him, but I couldn't due to the 'heavy rain.' I pushed the number six and we went up to the floor where Soo Jin would be. The floor where everything would change.

          "You can do it, _____," Taehyung whispered, only loud enough for me to hear. I laughed because I knew I couldn't do this. Then the elevator doors opened, and I couldn't move. Taehyung and Namjoon stepped out, being the ones closest to the doors. They beckoned me out, but I cried even more. No tears fell this time; I must be out. They pulled me forward, but they might as well go ahead and drag me down the hall to the fourth room on the right; Soo Jin's room. I walked slowly, but I had to hurry up or else she'll start without me. I was placed in front of her door, and I hestitated to knock but another hand did it for me. Eun Mi and Chung Ah were already there, sitting beside Soo Jin. Soo Jin waved at me and I waved back. I turned around to see Jin pointing behind him; meaning they'd be outside in the hallway waiting for me. I nodded and shut the door, giving one last look to Taehyung, and actually into his eyes this time, making his expression drop.

          "_____-ah, you're here. I've already said what I needed to say to them. Can I talk to _____ alone, please," said, then turning to her family with a smile. They nodded and slowly left the room. Soo Jin patted the seat next to her, but I shook my head. "Please sit down, I need to tell you something important." I gave in and sat down in the empty seat. She grabbed my hand and I winced, like her touch hurt, and it did. "_____-ah, you know you're my best friend right?" I nodded to answer her question. "Then that means no matter what, we always will be. Even after all of this, we will. I know I have a lot to thank you for, but I'll just sum it all up. Thank you for being the one I can trust and tell anything and everything to. We never would've met if we weren't sick, so it's okay that we have a small mishap in ourselves. I'm thankful for our friendship, but, sadly enough, I'm thankful for our diseases, or else we never would have to go through this. But this, right here, this is what makes us stronger. Don't think of me as dying, think of me living happily." Soo Jin stopped to wipe a tear from her face. I squeezed her hand and tried to look into her eyes, and we both laughed. Whenever we made eye contact, it was always awkward, even now, in this moment, it is. "I couldn't ask for a more beautiful and strong best friend. You're everything I could have needed in a person. No, we may not have gotten to do some things on our bucket list together, but hey, we can cross off one thing on our bucket list. We both wanted to find a person that they could trust with their life, and we did. At least I hope you did, because I know you are that person for me, but," Soo Jin laughed a little and sobbed before continuing. "Even if I'm not, I'm glad I got to say you are my best friend. I maybe be asking too much here, but I want you and Eun Mi to remove the IVs from my arms. Can you do that for me, _____?" I brought my forehead to her hand, not wanting to let go. Knowing how much pain was going to come, I nodded anyway. Soo Jin rubbed my back soothingly, but it didn't soothe me at all.

          Someone knocked on the door and Soo Jin told them to come in. Dr. Min came in with Eun Mi and Chung Ah following behind him. "Are we all ready here," the doctor asked. Soo Jin looked at me, then her sister and nodded. The doctor then began to explain how to properly remove the IVs. I soaked in all of his instructions and moved my hands toward the first IV I came across on Soo Jin's right arm. My hands shook uncontrollably, but Soo Jin grabbed one and mouthed, "It's okay." Blinking the tears away, I repeated the instructions in my brain and Eun Mi helped me remove the needle from Soo Jin's skin. I could see Soo Jin already losing color from her face, her eyes slowly beginning to close then open again. Her breaths became deep and heavy. There was one needle left, and before we removed it, Soo Jin smiled at Eun Mi and I, placing her free hand on her sister's face. I waited until Soo Jin gave the okay and removed the IV.

          Soo Jin was gone within three minutes after everything was removed from her body. She has moved on.

          I couldn't say anything to Eun Mi. There wasn't much I could say to make her feel better, so I just embraced her, also preventing her from falling to the floor from her despair. I walked her over to Chung Ah, but she wouldn't let go. I kneeled down to her level and she looked at me, straight in the eyes and bawled. She came in for a tighter hug, and I tried to stay strong, I tried to hold my ground, but then the 'rain' came again. After a few moments, Eun Mi backed away, hands on my shoulders. "She'll be alright," I said," She's happier this way." Eun Mi nodded then gave me a bright smile, which I returned. I left the hospital room first. I took one last look at Soo Jin, noticing my painting of us on her bedside table. I smiled and shut the door behind me. The boys were still in the hallway, waiting for me. I grinned and walked over to them. A few of them hugged me, but a few looked like they wouldn't dare touch me, and honestly, I didn't want to be touched, but I didn't mind a hug. I just need some air for now.

          We exited the hospital in silence; they were probably scared to say the wrong thing. As we walked back to the car, I thought of Soo Jin, and I had to accept that she was better off this way. After a while, I had accepted it. I feel sad, but not depressed like earlier. "How are you feeling," Suga asked with a higher pitched voice than usual.

           "Actually, I'm okay," I replied. This time, in the car, I sat next to the window. It was about 7:45 in the evening and the sun was almost below the horizon line. It was beautiful. The sky was red, orange, yellow, and a light, salmon pink color with dark clouds rolling along.

          Even though I have Soo Jin as a memory, this will as well. This sunset is representing her passing on to a better life with no pain to look forward to.

          And I'll never forget you, Soo Jin.