Put your name in the _____ places!

Enjoy!

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    It was almost noon, the most exciting time of the day for me: lunch time. Not because of the food, but to see my best friend. In fact, the food is quite awful, almost like school food, but better. After a while, you adjust to the taste. Just like you adjust to the new life that you have to live.

    As I’m walking down the gloomy, plain white halls, with a few “comforting” pictures along the walls, I become more heartbroken than I usually am. Seeing several people with, more than likely, the same expression as I is just tearjerking. But we all have to keep on going like nothing is wrong. That’s one thing we all have in common.

    Finally, after the long wretched walk there, we reach the cafeteria. I see Soo Jin, my best friend, waiting for me at the usual table. She raises her arm, trying to get my attention, although she grabbed everyone else’s as well. I sit down next to her and my nurse explains that she will be back in an hour to take me back to my room. This was my normal routine. Everyday of every week that I’m here. But luckily, I’ll soon be able to go out for a while.

    “Hey _____, how are you doing today,” Soo Jin pleasantly asked, but she was always pleasant, that wasn’t anything new.

    “Same as yesterday and every other day: bored and tired,” I replied, still sort of out breath from the walk there. You would think they would give me a room closer to the cafeteria, considering my condition. “How are you, dear?”

    “Same as you. Are you excited to be released in a few days,” she asked smiling, but, in her voice, was a hint of sadness. I know every time she asks about anything related to my condition, she unintentionally reveals this worry in her heart.

    “Yes, but I’ll come by to eat lunch with you. It’s not like I have anyone to see outside of here.”

    “So that means your parents still haven’t called you, have they?”

    “No, I guess my brothers are more important to them than me. But I don’t care, if they did care, I think I would be more stressed than I am already.”

    “I guess. Well, what are you going to do while you’re out,” Soo Jin changed the subject, probably noticing I was getting upset.

    “Well my next appointment is at the end of July, so I’ll probably just do some shopping, probably work on some of my unfinished art. I might even try singing and dancing again, but I’m still iffy on that one.”

    “Well I think you should at least try. Practice makes perfect, you just have to find what notes are best for you. Dancing may be a bit more difficult. Like I said, find what is best for you.”

    “Thanks Soo Jin. Well enough about me. How is your treatment going?”

    “Chemotherapy? I guess as good as it can be. It’s not particularly fun, but y’know, what can I do?”

    “Yeah I know.”

    Quickly, our hour to see each other was over. We said our “see you later”s and wished each other luck with our treatment. Soo Jin has been going to chemotherapy for about five years now. Once her cancer was gone, it soon came back and she had to start treatment again. She was here before me, but we met one day at lunch, at the exact table we were just at. Since then, we’ve been best friends. Not very many people visit her, except her younger sister. Her younger sister stays with one of their family members, but apparently they aren’t very close, they just happened to be the only ones left.

    As for me, my parents have never really cared for me. Although I’m the youngest, they prefer my two older brothers. Both of my parents wanted boys, and they say I’m an 'accident.' By accident, they mean my gender must have changed by accident. My mother says she ate something “bad” and it changed my gender. Well sorry Mom, I’ve always been a girl, even as a fetus.

    I came back to my room and my nurse tucked me in my bed. She gave me the usual speech about the special buttons that I should press if I needed something. Regular procedure “I got it ma’am. You been telling me how to use this thing for almost four years now,” I told her. She chuckled a little and made her way out of the room, closing the door behind her. After the door shut, I began thinking about what Soo Jin and I were talking about earlier.

    It’s hard to chase a dream when your body denies it. Singing and dancing is my passion. This disease prevents me from going for what I want. I’m stuck in this plain white hospital room. I have been here since I was about 16 years old. I’m almost 20 now. Nothing was wrong with me before then. Since I was little, I took dance classes and I would sing the songs my body moved to. It was almost natural. When I turned 11, I knew I wanted to perform. Up until the time I became ill, I was auditioning every where, but I wasn’t accepted because of my age. If I was well enough, I probably would have made it onto the big stage, under the huge, blinding lights, hearing fans shout my name in loud cheers. But four years ago, I was diagnosed with Cystic Fibrosis. That basically means mucus builds us in my lungs and pancreas typically, making it difficult for me to breathe, and prevents the production of enzymes that break down food. Don’t worry, I had to do a little research myself to understand. Only about 70,000 people in the world get this disease, because it’s genetically transferred. In my case, it’s not extremely severe, but just enough to keep me in the hospital for about two weeks every four months or so.

    The only thing I look forward to is being released to get back to my some-what normal life. I’ll be released, again, in 3 days. I can’t wait to do something other than sit in bed, watch TV, draw a little, get tested and treated, eat, and sleep. I want to go outside. I want to breathe the fresh spring air, although the pollen is flying all around me. But that’s okay, at least I won’t be in here.