Seohyun

As I got back home from my shop, I went straightly into my room, flew on my comfy bed. Usually, I will find of my only lovely daughter, Jinha. She loved to play hide-and-seek and I loved to join her. But, not for today. She will definitely disappointed with me. Poor you, my girl.
I was so tired. Well it didn't relate with my works, I guess. I don't mind with them. But, I just... don't know. I don't know how to describe my feelings. I was confused.
'Eonjejjeum gwaenchanha jiryeona
Haeneun eonje dasi tteuryeona...'
I answered the call. It was Lay.
"Yeoboseyo, Seohyun-ah."
"Nae," I replied.
"Have you reached home?" asked Lay.
"Yes. 15 minutes ago."
"Oh," replied Lay. Then he didn't speak. He went silent. I waited patiently if he wants to continue our conversations. "Er, Seohyun-ah, are you okay?"
I took a deep, long breath. When I was in the shop, Lay asked me the same question. Well I could see his concern.
"I'm okay, I guess. You don't have to worry. I know by having you hear this make you even worried. But, I'm okay. You know me, right? I'm not this fragile," I said, lying. Actually, I know myself better than him. Yes, that was what I could say. "Er, I want to hang up first. I want to bathe."
I ended the call. Oh, I'm so awful! Poor you, Lay. Yes, I know. I was cruel. I was not only cruel to him but, to myself. I have no self-esteem, indeed.

***

I felt a little bit fresh after taking my shower. I went out from bathroom, straightly to the mirror. I sat, looking at my reflection. I sighed. Then I took out the hairdryer to dry my hair. After that, I flew in my bed.
Now, I keep thinking about the person that I have met at the shop. Was he... Joonmyeon? Why didn't he greet me? Did he notice me? Ah, I'm going crazy!
"Joonmyeon, I missed you. Where were you all this while? Please be honest to me. I will not angry."
I'm still confused. I was not sure if the person was Joonmyeon. He really didn't look at me. But, he was too happy. He that I knew was not like that. He always serious, hard to show his sweet smile. I tell you, he was too different.
The knob was twisted. It was Jinha who was twisting the knob. She will get inside after her favorite show has ended. I waited her to come to me. But, she went straightly to a couch at the right corner of the room, hugging herself.
"Jinha-ya, are you okay? Come, dear. Let's sleep," I said.
She shook, unsatisfied. I chuckled. Ah, this is maybe she got angry with me. I went to her, hugging and kissing.
"Are you angry with me? I'm sorry. I know why you got angry with me. Jinha-ya, you know what? I didn't find you after I got back from the shop because I was too tired. Please forgive me. I promise, I will not repeat," I said, persuading.
She looked at me with a smile plastered on her face. Her sour face has turned to the sweetest ever she had. I hugged her tightly. Then I lifted her on my arms to the bed. She liked I'm doing her like that.
"Omma, can I ask you something?" asked Jinha. I smiled then nodded. "Where is my dad?"
I widened my eyes. Then I ran them away. A kid likes her could speak fluently, I can accept it. It is normal. But, when she asked about her dad, I was startled. How can she thinks that far?
"Jinha-ya, why did you ask? Do you miss him?"
She shook, mystifying me. Maybe she was curious if she had a dad or no. Well maybe she got jealous of her friends that were fetched by theirs' dad.
"Oh, I got you. You were curious, am I right?" I asked, trying to relief my heart. She nodded. Oh, her nodding just struck my heart. "Then Jinha-ya, if you get a chance to meet him, do you want, perhaps?"
"Definitely," she answered. I relieved because I'm so afraid if she hates Joonmyeon, her own dad. "But, omma. Does he still alive?"
I gaped, unbelievable. She made me lost words.
"Jinha-ya, I'm trying hard to get you an answer. But, I really don't have an answer for that question. I'm sorry. Really sorry. But, I believe he is still alive," I said, smiling with a hope.
She nodded. Then she hugged me. My heartbeat was scattered. It was hard for me to explain. I know, this is not the time that I should cry. But, tears are overflowing. My tears poured down on my cheeks.
I wiped away my tears as she released me. Then she went to sleep. I kissed on her forehead. For years I had to overcome this alone. I thought I was strong enough to face it alone. But, I was wrong. I really... can't.