[ She's Gone - SJ i've been listening to this for this part..if you have this song please play for the mood..:)]

Zee’s POV

I couldn’t. I just couldn’t look him in the eyes. I don’t know if I could take it or if I could resist. I couldn’t even hold back my tears as I said those words. I feel like being ripped apart into tiny insignificant pieces.

But I must do this; I must remember why I had to; not for me but for him.

            “so…what’s the punchline?” his voice shook a little. I sense the disbelief underneath the little humorless laugh.

I feel like I’m turning my back on him, betrayed him of some sort. But did I? After all the things he did for me? Going public at the risk of his career and now I do this to him?

I bit my lip trying to fight back the tears. But it’s no use, my tears flowed down and I clenched my fists.

Heechul stood up and walked slowly in front of me and bent to my eye level. I wanted to shut my eyes to avoid looking at his. But the moment I saw the expression in his eyes, I couldn’t move.

Pain.

It held me. I couldn’t speak or move. I’ve hurt him.

            “I’m…so…rry.” I managed to say gasping.

His head dropped and his hands grasped the armrest of my wheelchair. I looked away now letting the tears flow.

            “why?” he asked still not looking up. I took a deep breath.

            “I can’t let you sacrifice things for me anymore. I knew you would but I just can’t let you. This is the only way.” I wanted to hug him but I feel it’s going to be like rubbing salt on an open wound so I restrained myself.

            “I am not the type of person to beg, you know that.” Heechul said then he looked up. “can’t you just stay? Be with me?” What I saw tore me apart even more. Tears fell from his eyes.

            “oppa…”

            “don’t.” he suddenly stood up. “don’t say it. don’t call me that now before you’ll leave. If you’re just gonna go I’d rather think you never used that word to call me.” he sounded spiteful and hurt, but I couldn’t blame him.

            “Hee…Heechul-ah, I’m sorry. We both know it’s for the best.”

            “no! YOU know it’s for the best!” he shouted angrily.

            “you can hate me if you want. It’s what I deserved.”

            “you want me to hate you? Fine! I hate you! I can’t even stand looking at you now! is that what you want, huh Zee?! Is that it?” he shouted but tears were flowing from his eyes.

I shook my head. I cried harder than I ever did. I never imagined a day like this would ever come.

I tried opening my mouth to say something but no words came out. If I continue staying here I might even take it all back. I had to leave now.

I grab the controls on my wheelchair, but before I could even move his hands held mine.

Heechul fell on his knees in front of me and put his arms around me and held me like he never did before hugging me like there’s no tomorrow. I hugged him back.

            “stay. Please.” He whispered. I almost agreed but using all my strength I broke free from his embrace.

He knew want it meant.

I looked down at my finger where the ring he gave me was. I slowly took it off and stared at it.

I slowly handed it to him. He stared at it after I dropped it in his hand.

            “you know you’re the only one who deserves this ring right?” he said. I folded his fingers over the ring and he clenched his fist.

            “if I truly deserve that ring, it will find a way back to me in the future. If it’s not meant to be then this might be the last time we’ll ever see each other.” at that point I wasn’t sure how many more times a heart could break. Seeing the one you truly care about get hurt and knowing that you caused it.

he nodded and wiped a tear from his face.

            “before you go, can you agree to this one last thing?” he looked at me with an expression that will be stuck in my memory forever.

I looked at him, but before I could answer he leaned towards me and kissed me.

He held my face with both his hands and kissed me like it’s the last time. Well, it was the last time.

I kissed him back tracing my hands on his face memorizing every inch of it so I could never forget.

We both could taste the tears in our kisses but we didn’t care. This is our last moment, we might as well make the most of it.

We slowly broke apart, lips obviously a bit swollen from that last shared moment. He left one last peck on my lips then on my forehead before stood up and turned to look at the ocean.

I didn’t look at him. I could stand to remember the last thing I saw of him was his back.

Fighting back my tears, I turned my wheelchair towards the door.

            “Zee?” I stopped when he called. But I didn’t look back. “I realized I’ve never really said this to you before.”

            “what is it?” I asked in a choked voice.

            “saranghae.”

I bit my lip and the tears flowed out again.

            “na…nado…saranghae, Heechul-ah.” I managed to say before I hurried out of the cabin before I lose my mind.

The wheelchair sped down the ramp Siwon oppa rolled me into. I had to get away from this place.

Henry’s POV

            “I see hyung’s car!” I shouted pointing at the car parked by the parking area of the beach.

            “that better be his or else this -hurting trip will be for nothing.” Void complained as Kyuhyun hyung parked his car.

            “we better look for them quickly.” Kyuhyun hyung said as we all got out of his car.

We jogged towards the beach for a sign of a girl in a wheelchair.

            “there!” Kyuhyun hyung shouted as we saw Zee’s figure zooming down on a ramp.

            “the idiot! she’ll fall!” Void shouted seeing the sand at the edge of the ramp. But by the looks of it Zee didn’t care.

We ran towards her and as Void predicted, as soon as she reached the edge her wheelchair toppled and she fell face forward.

            “Zee!” Kyuhyun hyung was the first to reach her and held her straight.

            “Zee, are you ok?” I could see she was crying. “did something happen?”

            “Henry, please just get me out of here.” Hyung and I looked at each other and I straightened her wheelchair and Kyuhyun hyung carried her to it.

            “Zee, look at me. what happened?” Kyuhyun hyung asked lightly shaking Zee as she couldn’t stop crying.

A shout from inside the cabin and the sound of objects being thrown answered our questions.

            “you broke you with Heechul hyung?” I asked. she nodded. All three of us stared at each other.

            “I think we better get her home. I’ll call Siwon hyung later.” Kyuhyun hyung said pushing Zee.

            “I think you should stay with your brother.” I told Void.

            “do I really have to? I can’t stand brokenhearted dudes. Makes em look like those cheesy actors in those cheesy romantic movie .” He complained but it looks halfhearted.

            “I know but someone needs to stop him from causing anymore damage to that cabin.” I replied.

            “sigh. Fine but if I’m one of the casualties, you’re going to owe me.” he said and ran up to the cabin while I ran back to the car.

Kyuhyun hyung carried Zee to the back seat of the car and got into the driver’s seat. Seeing my cousin distraught I sat in the backseat beside her.

She kept looking out the window and as soon as Kyuhyun hyung drove out of the parking lot she broke down to tears again. I caught hyung’s eyes on the rearview mirror; both of us had the same expression but could not do anything.

I just put an arm around Zee and let her cry on my shoulder. I don’t even know what to do; something like this should’ve never happened to her.

            “I don’t thin k it’s a good idea for her to go back to her apartment right now.” Kyuhyun hyung said after a while.

            “what do you mean, hyung?”

            “after what’s happened, going back there, I mean there’s more chances of hyung and Zee to meet which is not a good idea.” He explained. I looked at Zee who was immobile probably just keeping her mind blank.

            “where should we take her then?”

            “at my old place.” Hyung answered at once.

He probably meant his old apartment. He told me once he still kept it and as of right now.

SJ Dorm

Leeteuk’s POV

            “hyung! Zee’s going to be discharged today right? how about we set a party for her? I’ll cook!” Ryeowook exclaimed excitedly as I got out of my room.

We just got back from Music Bank and I am tired to the bones! Must be age? Nah... but I envy Ryeowook for having so much energy…

            “really? I bet that’s where Heechul went.” That guy suddenly vanished earlier this afternoon; I should’ve known he went there. He wasn’t even in the live broadcast and that’s probably also why Kyuhyun didn’t go back after he said he’d visit Zee.

            “did I hear party?! And food!?” Eunhyuk’s head popped out from Donghae’s room where the two have been working on a new song.

            “yah, do you always think about food?” Sungmin commented from the living room.

            “no, he thinks of me as well.” Donghae butted in. that earned him a punch on the shoulder from Eunhyuk.

Aigoo these kids.

            “you can go on with the party, but make it simple, Ryeowook-ah.” I said flopping beside Sungmin and grabbed the remote.

            “wahoo! I’ll sing the welcoming song then!” Yesung shouted from the doorway. He probably just got here after his schedules.

            “NO!” all of the others shouted.

            “ah wae!?” he asked shocked.

            “you’ll just make the atmosphere depressing.” I said laughing. It’s not really a mystery that Yesung could make the happiest song the most depressing ever.

SLAM!

All of us turned towards the door even before Yesung could say anything in his defense.

Heechul stormed inside the dorm his eyes red, his face…furious?

            “Heechul-ah, what’s wrong?” I asked standing up and walked towards him. But he went straight to his room and slammed it shut as if he never heard me.

            “what’s up wit, Heechul hyung?” Sungmin wondered looking at the door to his room.

            “let’s just say cupid yanked his arrow back out in a ing excruciating way.” Void’s voice suddenly came from the doorway.

All of us looked at him and he was leaning against the wall.

            “what do you mean by that?” I asked.

            “I mean hyung’s lovelife has gone down the drain.” Void said sounding frustrated.

            “you don’t mean he and Zee broke up, do you?” Eunhyuk asked his eyes widening in shock.

            “bingo! Monkey brain! I just drove hyung back home coz he might get into an accident. I mean you saw him, he looked like a zombie.” Void flailed his arms and picked a sandwich from the table.

            “where’s Zee now?” Donghae asked.

            “if I knew I wouldn’t be here, idiot. I just went to her apartment and all that’s there is her ever loyal hound from hell.” He said spitefully taking a bite from his sandwich.

            “how can you eat at a time like this, Void?” Ryeowook shouted yanking the sandwich away from him.

            “I eat when I’m upset! And unlike that heartbroken brother of mine I don’t go into fasting!” he took the sandwich back. “and if you want to know where Zee is you better ask Kyuhyun or Henry. They were the ones I saw her with last.”

The boys and I looked at each other. Zee had already went through a lot and now this? I wonder what could’ve happened for them to become like this.

            “you said you saw Zee?” I asked Void looked up form his 3^rd sandwich. He nodded.

            “how was she?” I asked.

            “what do you expect? Jumping for—“ he stopped himself when he realized his mistake. “well, she wasn’t really looking her best. She looked worse than what a cat might drag in.”

At that moment, the dorm door opened and Kyuhyun walked in. he looked so downcast and I can’t blame him, he is Zee’s closest friend.

            “Kyuhyun-ah, what in the world is going on?” Sungmin asked Kyuhyun. The latter just sighed deeply and his shoulders fell.

            “Zee…Zee is going back to Canada.” He said robotically and sat in one of the chairs, Void put down his 6^th sandwich, Sungmin stared at Kyuhyun, Eunhyuk clenched his fists, Donghae grasped the chair, Yesung leaned on the wall for support, Ryeowook put a hand over his mouth and I froze.

            “why?” Yesung managed to ask.

            “she said she wanted to continue her treatment there and…and to keep hyung from making anymore risks on her behalf.” Kyuhyun put both his hands to his face.

            “so that’s it.” Donghae mumbled to himself.

            “do you know when she’s leaving?” Yesung asked again.

            “Wednesday next week.”

I glanced at Heechul’s bedroom door, I knew he might be listening but a part of me says he isn’t. no one can talk to.

            “what are we going to do with Heechul hyung?” Eunhyuk asked.

            “let’s just wait what’ll happen by next week. Let’s just make sure he doesn’t miss his schedules.” I instructed and they all nodded.

I knew they would do whatever to cooperate and to help Heechul but there are just those time when Heechul himself doesn’t want to be helped and would just be miserable by himself. This situation reminds me of that time when Hankyung left us. This was almost like that incident, but this is slightly worse. Two people who are both important and close to him have now left.  He has got to be able to get through this.

Incheon International Airport, 7am

Eunhyuk’s POV

Weekend was excruciating for all of us having to make things normal during broadcasts especially Inkigayo. We tried to talk to hyung especially Leeteuk hyung but no luck, all we get is a cold shoulder. But we’re all somewhat glad that a bit of Heechul hyung’s professionalism still remained that he’d do as he would during the recording.

            “we will really miss you, Zee.” Angela said tearfully.

We just got to the airport to send Zee off, we couldn’t all be here so Kyuhyun and I became the group’s representatives. Ryeowook and Shindong hyung wanted to come but it was best that only the 2 of us would be here or it’ll attract attention. But all of them, well, except Heechul hyung went to Kyuhyun’s old apartment early this morning to say their goodbyes.

            “I’ll miss you, too.” Angela bent over and gave her a hug along with Kim Shin and Eunhee.

            “we’ll visit you in winter, Zee.” Kim Shin promised. How I wished it’d be easy for us to visit too.

I glanced at Kyuhyun but he was staring at the departure boards.

            “will you let us raid your house, Zee?” I grinned trying to make the scene less sad that already was.

            “anytime, oppa.” She smiled. I gave her a hug as well. it’d be weird not having her around now.

            “take care of her, Henry, ok?” I gave our real maknae a light tap on his arm. he smiled and nodded. He’s always been a good kid even if he’s naughty at times.

            “Kyuhyun-ah, won’t you say goodbye?” Zee teased halfheartedly.

Angela put a hand on his shoulder and he sort of jumped back into reality.

            “huh? Oh… yeah.” He smiled and hugged his bestfriend. “you better show your ugly face to me again or I’ll cast my evilness on you.” He grinned.

We all laughed a bit at that.

            “tsh! Like you can take me.” Zee challenged and Kyuhyun laughed.

            “I think we need to go, it’s almost time.” Henry glanced at his watch and we all became solemn again.

            “you take care, ok? I will try to visit you, Zee.” Angela exclaimed earning her a stare from Kyuhyun. Probably wants to tag along with her.

            “see you guys. You take care as well.” she said to all of us with a wave. Henry started to push her wheelchair towards immigrations.

[a/n: Missing You - FTTS pls play..]

            “yah! Make sure to contact us often.” I called out before they could enter.

            “arrasso, oppa.” Zee looked back and waved. Her smile was mixed with tears as we all saw it fell from her eyes.

We all waited until they vanish from our sight before we started leaving. Good thing there wasn’t much people at the airport to notice us yet, you couldn’t really call our disguises proper ones.

We started walking towards the exit when Kyuhyun stopped by the departure boards.

            “is there something wrong, Kyuhyun-ssi?” Kim Shin asked who was walking behind him.

            “you should’ve at least said goodbye.” Kyuhyun suddenly said which took us all by surprise.

            “who are you talking to?” Angela asked with her limited Korean.

Kyuhyun didn’t answer but just turned his head to a person standing behind to a pillar by the boards. He was wearing a cap, which covered half his face.

            “what’s the point? We’ve already said our goodbyes anyway.” Answered the man but the voice sounded familiar.

            “Heechul hyung?” I called out. He straightened up and started towards the exit.

Kyuhyun tried to stop him but I help him back.

            “just let him be. For him to come here now is something already.” I said. The girls’ faces fell with sadness.

            “it wouldn’t be good for Zee to see him before she leaves too.” Eunhee said voicing out the same reason that’s been running through my head.

            “how did you know he was here anyway?” Angela asked Kyu.

            “I already noticed him when he arrived. He was just standing there I had my doubts but he kept glancing at us, that’s when I suspected him.” He explained. Trust Kyuhyun to spring something like this. “and he’s wearing the cap I gave Zee for her birthday. It was custom made so I would know. Zee probably lent it to him and he forgot it was hers.”

We were silent then but started our way out quickly as some were already sneaking glances towards us. I better tell Teukie hyung about this, maybe he’ll know what to do.

SJ Dorm, 1am

Leeteuk’s POV

            “sigh…I already guess that’s where he went this morning.” I pinched the bridge of my nose after hearing Eunhyuk’s story.

He told me during the recording today that he had something to say but couldn’t just yet. I kind knew already that this was it.

            “what are we going to do now, hyung?” Eunhyuk asked looking helpless.

            “I think I have to talk to him when he gets home.”

            “but do you think he will listen?” Eunhyuk’s face was shadowed by worry.

We were the only ones at the dorm now. we don’t know where Heechul went after the live broadcast earlier and we all went on our separate schedules.

            “no.” I sighed.

SLAM!

            “I think he’s here.” Eunhyuk exclaimed glancing behind him.

            “oh hey guuuuuuyyyyssss!” Heechul slurred and swayed when he came in.

Eunhyuk and I hurriedly went to him before he’ll fall on his face. Heechul reeked with alcohol.

            “yah, where have you been drinking this late hour?” I said half angrily before we flopped him down the couch.

            “who cares about thaaat. Jungsuuuu~~~wahhhh!!!!”  he slurred again before laughing like a mad man.

            “he sounds crazy, hyung.” Eunhyuk whispered.

            “we’ve all seen this side of him when he gets drunk.” I shook my head. “go get him something hot to drink.”

            “got it.” Eunhyuk said before disappearing in the kitchen.

I walked back towards Heechul who was lying flat on the couch mumbling something only he can understand, his arm hanging towards the floor. I knelt in front of him.           

            “why are you doing this, Heechul-ah? Do you think she’ll be happy when she sees you like this?”

Heechul laughed bitterly.

            “what’s there to see? Or can she even see? She’s not even here.”

            “she did it for the best, can’t you just agree for once? Everyone here is affected already, Heechul-ah!” I shouted. I couldn’t held it in anymore.

I understand he’s in pain right now but this is not the right way to handle it.

Heechul threw a pillow from the couch angrily.

            “that’s exactly it!” he looked at me straight in the eyes. I saw tears started forming in his. “I understood why she had to do this completely, that’s why I’m like this!” he dropped his head and tears started to fall.

Seeing my friend like this just breaks my heart. Heechul was always someone who will be strong when you can’t, but now he’s the one who can’t be strong for himself.

            “it’ll be fine soon, you’ll see.” I sat beside him and put an arm around his shoulder.

            “fine? I don’t think so. From the moment she turned and walked away from me, I started to miss her so bad I wanted to beg her to stay but I knew it would be the wrong thing to do. It hurts here!” he slammed his fist against his chest and his tears just kept flowing.

            “hyung, I think you better drink this.” Eunhyuk arrived handing him a cup of tea. Heechul glanced up and seeing his face Eunhyuk was taken aback.

I took the cup for Heechul and held it for him.

Heechul grabbed something from his shirt; he took out a necklace with two rings on it. I recognized it was their couple ring.

            “I thought of throwing this away at the Han River earlier.” He said staring at the rings. “but I couldn’t.”

            “you can’t throw it away, hyung. you two might get back together in the future.” Eunhyuk pleaded. Heechul just scoffed.

            “future? I don’t even know what that word means to me anymore. I don’t even want to think about it.”

            “what are you saying, Heechul-ah?” I furrowed my brows trying to decipher the meaning of what he just said.

            “I know I’ve been a burden to you guys. I know that and I’ve already decided about it.” he said and stood up, he swayed a bit but Eunhyuk managed to steady him.

            “decided about what?” I asked nervously.

            “I got my letter a few days ago, I’m enlisting on September 1.” He said and shook off Eunhyuk’s hand before staggering towards his room.

Canada

Henry’s POV

A few days after we arrived I got the news about Heechul hyung enlisting in the army, it was so sudden that it took us all by surprise. I guess this was his way to get a breather. I will also be returning to Korea in 3 days so I have to get Zee her act together.

            “Can you explain to me again why Zee decided to break up with that boyfriend of hers? Did he do something bad to her or something.” Arnold ask cracking his knuckles.

            “ah…hehe nothing of the sort. She just wanted a clean break before coming back here. She doesn’t believe in long distance relationships so she has no reason to keep doing it.” I explained quickly. This is what Zee and I talked about during the plane ride home.

            “if that’s the case then why is she not herself these days?” he said looking out the window. Zee was on her wheelchair by the yard with her dog playing fetch. “she’s so depressed I couldn’t even joke around with her.”

I sighed, Zee misses hyung so much, I knew coz she wouldn’t even take off the bracelet Void gave them.

            “she did care about Heechul hyung a lot. I guess we’ll just have to give her time.” I said looking out to her. She hugged her dog, hyung, when he returned the ball back to her and by the looks of it she’s crying again.

            “I hate feeling helpless. But at least she’s doing her treatment everyday.” Arnold walked away and left me there.

There’s no point going out to Zee now. no words will be able to comfort her or anything. All we can do now really is to wait what the future holds for them.

-------------------------------

dont kill me!

PS: unedited and gif is mine although it's more like a clip than a gif.hihi

thanks/replies:

mychokyumintchip: sad but we all know it had to happen..:(

meggie016: only time will tell..:)

Coralie_x_SHINee & Eleone: =(( she had to..

hanhayoung: even if it'll sadden heenim the members will try to cheer him up..but they needed to be separated..:(

KeiraYukiLee: apparently some sasaengs dont know that fact..:(

Achilison: T_____T

mari_038:  yes seriously..:(