Choi Sulli. That’s her name. The girl I first bumped in the hallway that turn out to be my seatmate. Not that all, she’s also the girl my mom take in our house.

I still remember how she looks when she learned that we will be living in the same house. I didn’t give her the best impression I know. It’s for the better.

She’s very delicate, her hair flowing in the middle of her back, its brunette, and her perfect face. I’m still a guy you know. I shouldn’t see her this way but I can’t help it. Whenever she flashes me with her smile, my walls threatens to break down. It melts me.

But I can’t let her see that. It won’t do well.

Every single encounter I had with her was printed on my mind. It never once forgotten, every night when I’m going to sleep, I still think of it. How can she make me feel this way? It’s bugging my entire body with the thought of her.

Just like the time she caught me at the back of the school, beating someone. It doesn’t really mean what it looks like. I didn’t beat anyone without a reason. I saw how scared she is when she looks at me. It pained me but I can’t let her know that and I won’t ever bother to correct anything. Even if she thinks I’m some kind of violent person.

But how many times I told her to mind her own business, she still find a way to contradict me. She’s very stubborn and very different than the other girls.

That day, I’ve overheard that guy whom she caught me beating up, was lusting before her. I don’t want to meddle with his business but when I heard that he’s making a bet that she’ll be in his bed in just a week, something snapped inside me.

Girls are to be love and respected not used.

I thought when I beat the crap out of that guy, he’ll learn a lesson and he gets that I don’t want him anywhere near Sulli but I’m wrong. The time of the prom, is one of the best moment I had with her. I got the chance to dance with her. I am not in love but I can feel something. I don’t know but I still don’t want to fall in love again not after what I experienced. It doesn’t mean that I don’t trust her.

After the dance with her, I went to the bathroom to find that guy talking to another and they’re planning to do something to her. My blood boils; I drag them out of the ball and beat them outside with the help of my friends.

That is the time she found my hand bleeding and exhausted. That’s also the moment I didn’t control myself and I kissed her. It feels right but at the same time, very wrong coz I feel I’m letting her see through me. I don’t want to confuse her but I can’t let her know the truth either.

She’ll pity on me and I don’t want that.

I can feel that my friends knew about what I’m feeling but they didn’t once open that topic up.

As well as for my family, when I told them I danced with Sulli. They all had the knowing look. But I don’t care.

Starting that day, I find myself watching her from a distance. I act like a stalker but yeah if you think that so yes I am. I’m her stalker and I appointed myself to be her bodyguard. That girl is some kind of boy magnet I noticed, in school when she walks around, all the eyes we’re on her especially the dudes.

And I can’t help but to throw daggers to them, my brothers we’re also protective at her. It seems like they found a little sister in her presence.

Every time I see her, I feel my walls slowly crashing down once again in my life; I let the light come through it. I’m very aware on what she feels so I started avoiding her. I know she feels it and it makes her sad just like now.

I sat beside her, her knees were pressed against her chest and her head rest on top of it. The time she looks up, I saw the glint of shock on her eyes but replaced of blankness after.

“Hi” she said. I can feel her staring at the corner of my eye.

“Hi back” I answered, not bothering to look at her.

I know she’s going to ask me a something as shift through her place.

“Can I ask you something?” she asked. See, I’m right.

I looked at her and nodded. “Go on”

“Wh- why did you ki- kiss me?” she stuttered. It’s cute.

I stiffened and stared at her. Just for a moment I noticed the emotions flashed in her eyes. I know I need to answer but her eyes held me captivated so I looked away and sighed.

“I don’t know to be honest, after the ball, I mean that’s what I wanted to do.” I said, looking at her.

“What do you mean?” she asked me, curious.

“I wanted to kiss you.”

“You what?”

“Are you deaf? I said I wanted to kiss you”

“Why?”  She asked, lowering her head. Is she blushing? Cute.

I let out a long breathed, tensing. “I don’t know, maybe I like you”

Her head instantly snapped at me.

“Maybe you like me” she mumbled, her voice sound disappointed.

I let silence engulfed us for a moment before speak up.

“I’m sorry; I’m still unsure about what I feel”

What happen to my oath to not let her know what I feel? I guess I broke it. Seeing her like this makes my heart clenched.

 She nodded, understanding. I know she’s still afraid of me but I can’t blame her. I promise to myself, from now on, I will be nicer to her. I will open up little by little.

I just realized that no matter what I will protect her.

I stand up and offer her my hands.

“We need to go in, it’s getting colder here and dinner is ready”

She gave me her heart warming smile and takes my hands. For a moment, I was lost with it. I pulled her to stand and smiled at her.  I let go of her hand and gesture her to walk first, she obeyed and walked through the house as I followed her.

I shake my head, grinning. `This girl is making me crazy but I love the feeling.’