Getting Started Again
Crazy Little Thoughts
I feel like the world is closing in on me. My head was throbbing so hard that I can’t think straight anymore.
“Do you remember?” he asked softly. “You felt bad when your father was not able to attend your birthday party because of his business trip. When he arrived the next day after your party, you were enthusiastic only to find out that he would only be staying for a few minutes to give you his gift and he’ll be leaving for another business trip. Remember what you did to his car, Jiyong, hmmm?”
I need Dara here with me right now. She can make this pain in my head go away, she makes me think straight, she. . . .
A memory flashed in my head – a memory of me sneaking into where my father’s car was parked. I remember I was holding a cutter. I remember cutting some cables in my father’s. . . oh my God!
“You do remember it now, don’t you?”
“No. . .” I denied, shaking my head.
“Do you also remember the time when you overheard me and your grandfather arguing about you?”
“Stop it. . .” I whispered, breathing heavily and shutting my eyes tight.
“The investigators found out that your grandparents’ drink was spiked with rat poison. Your fingerprints were found on their glasses as well as the rat poison bottle. Remember?”
“No. . .” I said, shaking my head. I want to deny it, but there’s no mistaking the image of it in my head. No, that can’t be true. I would not do that. Why would I?
I clutched my head in frustration. I don’t want to see these images, I don’t want to have these memories, and I don’t want any of this! This isn’t what I was hoping I’d learn about my past. My heart’s pounding so hard in my chest I feel like I’m going to explode any minute now. My airway was so constricted I feel like I’m being suffocated. I can’t do this anymore. I don’t want to see any of these right now, not ever!
How can I stop this? Someone please help me. . .
“You’re a murderer!” I heard my mother said. I shook my head with my eyes tightly closed. My tears were streaming down my face. “But don’t cry, baby! I did all I can to save you!”
I froze. Everything in my body stilled. I slowly looked up and since my eyes were filled with tears, I can barely see my mother and uncle in front of me. “Mommy. . .”
Through my blurry vision, I saw my mother’s almost crazy expression faded. She looked at me as if she can recognize me, as if she knew who I am. She looked like a sane person. She slowly stepped away from my uncle and stared at me with tears in her eyes.
“My son. . .” she whispered. I saw my uncle reached out for her at once and tried to pull her back but my mother shrugged him off. “My son killed his father. . . and his grandparents. . . because his uncle told him so. . . his uncle. . . his uncle is my first love, my first love. . . he is. . . he tricked my son, he tricked me.”
I glanced up at my uncle but he looked nowhere near in panic. Instead, he started laughing. My mind started working up again. When I felt my mother’s hand on my cheek, I blinked.
“I’ll tell you a secret, Jiyong.”
“What is it uncle?”
“I know something that would make your father stay today.”
“Really?” I asked excitedly.
“Yes. . .” he nodded with a smile. “Listen to me carefully. Here’s what we can do.”
He whispered clear instructions in my ears.
“But. . . but wouldn’t that hurt Dad?”
“No, I promise you it won’t. It would only make the car stop, no less.”
“You promise?”
“I promise.”
“Okay!” I grinned.
My mother was humming the lullaby tune again with her hands cupping my face. My uncle was still laughing and he was slowly walking towards us.
“No!” my grandfather shouted. “Jiyong shall be staying abroad to get away from all this!”
I ran to my room, crying. My grandfather was angry. He’s sending me away. I scooted at one corner of my room until I heard footsteps. “Jiyong. . .” Mister Kang’s voice entered my ears. I looked up at him and saw him smiling. “Why are you crying?”
“Grandpa is angry at me! He’s sending me away.”
He shook his head. “No, he’s not angry at you. He’s just trying to protect you from bad people.”
“Really?”
“Yes. . .” he nodded with a kind smile. “Now, why don’t you get your grandparents a glass of milk to make them fall asleep happy, hmm?”
I smiled. “Okay!”
I ran to the kitchen and made two glasses of milk when uncle came in. “Jiyong. . .”
I frowned at him. “Uncle, you lied to me! You said nothing bad will happen to Daddy!”
“Nothing would have gone bad if you were able to do exactly what I told you. But you made a mistake, Jiyong.”
I pouted. “When will Daddy come back?”
He shook his head. “I can’t answer that,” he said. Then his eyes trailed to the glasses of milk I’ve made. “Thirsty?”
“No,” I shook my head. “I’m going to give them to grandma and grandpa so they will sleep happy!”
He smiled at me. “Do you also want them to wake up happy? I know something that would make them happy tomorrow.”
“Really?”
“It was you. . .” I whispered. “You killed them!”
My uncle stopped walking and stared at me for a moment. I pulled my mother behind me. She hugged me from behind, still humming the lullaby tune.
“No, I didn’t. . .” he answered. “But you did.”
“You made me do it! You took advantage of me being a kid!”
“But that would not change the fact that your father and grandparents died in your hands, Jiyong.”
“I didn’t mean for that to happen!”
“Well, it’s too late now, isn’t it?” he said, smiled a little then nodded. I suddenly felt two arms around my neck from behind me, choking me.
“M-mom. . .” I choked.
“It’s useless, Jiyong,” my uncle said. “She’s a bit. . . confused right now. You see, what she said was true. She did do everything to protect you. She gave me everything she could give for me to spare your life. She has no idea that the drugs she’s been developing were used on his son for testing purposes. Your mother’s a genius, you know. Every drug she made was effective. Just look at you. She might be a bit lost right now but she still has the brain the develop drugs. I’m just having her develop new drugs right now to alter the mind. I’ve already proposed this to the underground market. You can’t imagine the amount of money involved here, Jiyong.”
“You’re going to pay for this!” I hissed through my mother’s tight grip on my neck. I don’t want to hurt her but if her hold tightens more, then I will be forced to do something about it. a hard blow suddenly hit my side that it rendered me weak.
“Can you still remember how you used to hide in the cabinet everytime I visit your mother late at night and use her body for my pleasure?” he softly whispered in my ear.
“You’re going to –!” I tried saying again when my uncle punched me straight in the gut that my knees gave in that it made my mother release me.
I looked up, my face scrunching from pain. I saw my uncle took out a syringe form behind him and looked down at me menacingly. “Dear, why don’t you do the honors?” he asked my mother. My mother clapped her hands and gleefully accepted the syringe. I then felt my uncle grabbed my arms and twisted them behind me, locking me in place. I struggled against him but the pain from the punch was still rendering me weak.
“Tomorrow, the whole world will know that the heir of the Kwons is a delinquent lunatic!” he whispered in my ear. “Sweetheart, you can do it now,” he turned to my mother.
I looked up at my mother with tears in my eyes. “Mommy, don’t. . . it’s me, Jiyong.”
“You should be grateful you’re not 21 yet. But the moment you turn 21, even if you’re in a mental institution, I’m going to make sure you will never see the sun the following day.”
“Choo! Choo!” my mother laughed, imitating the sound of the train. “The train is here, the train is here!”
I struggled against my uncle’s hold as my mother made some weird sounds. I closed my eyes the moment I saw my mother held the syringe tighter and was in the act of plunging it in my neck. But then, something weird happened. I heard my uncle gasped the same time my mother cackled crazily. The hold on my arms loosened, giving me the chance to get away from my uncle. I didn’t waste any minute and rolled away from him. When I was a few good feet away from him, I turned around to check on him only to find a syringe plunged into his arm, drained.
“What. . .?” he asked my mother, confused.
My mother patted his head. “You’re sick; you should receive medicine for you to get better. I don’t want your brother to worry about you. I love your brother, you see. I don’t want him to be worried so I’ll take care of you, hmm?”
My uncle’s jaw strained in anger as he pulled the syringe off of his arm and threw it aside. He then stood up and backslapped my mother. It was so powerful that my mother flew to the side, her head hitting the wall. My eyes widened upon seeing a trail of blood on the wall as her body limply fell to the ground.
“No,” I shook my head. “No. . .” I whispered hoarsely and jumped to my feet. I ran to my mother.
“My son. . . my son. . .” she whispered, a tear escaping her right eye.
“Mom. . .”
She lay there motionless.”
“Mom?”
She didn’t respond.
“What a !” I heard my uncle hissed. “Oh damn it!”
I suddenly froze the moment I heard commotion behind me. “I saw him!” Taeyeon’s voice came in. “He killed her!”
I didn’t move a muscle. I just remained on my spot. I just listened to the background, not really sure what’s going on. All I know is that Taeyeon’s here as well as the others. And based from what I’m hearing, it sounded as if my uncle was being taken away now.
“Jiyong?” Taeyeon’s soft voice came, her hand on my shoulder.
“I. . .” I croaked. “I can’t see anything. . . why can’t I see anything?”
Six months wasn’t enough to tame the news about my family. It’s been six months since my mother died, since my uncle has been taken away and brought to a mental institution. It’s been six months since I lived in darkness. They said there’s nothing wrong with my eyes, it was more of my mind. They said what I have is called conversion disorder or in layman’s term, hysterical blindness or temporary blindness. The doctor related it to psychological trauma because of the events in my life. I’ve been undergoing therapy as a treatment but I haven’t made any progresses so far.
My doctor then suggested going somewhere for a vacation because staying in my family’s house can be a hindrance as it will only remind me of everything that has happened. I agreed and so, Taeyeon is coming with me. Everything’s settled when it comes to the company, anyways. I’ve already talked to the lawyer that my uncle threatened. I also have Kang to take care of things while I’m gone.
“We’ve just landed,” Taeyeon whispered to me.
I gave her a nod. I decided to go back to the place that made me happy, to the place where my uncle threw me and made me live alone. I wonder if they heard of what happened to me, or who I am. Well, I doubt they haven’t heard of it. The story of my family was everywhere and is still being talked about right now.
I’m not sure how dark my glasses are but I asked Taeyeon to get the darkest sunglasses there is for me to wear. Wearing it now with a walking stick and Taeyeon as a guide made me feel pitiful. But there’s nothing I can do about it. Only time can help me now. Six months of therapy from the best psychiatrists and psychologists didn’t help me gain my sight back.
The journey back to my house wasn’t that long. When everything’s settled, I asked Taeyeon for a walk. With her guiding me, we walked in the late afternoon sun. And then, something flickered that it made me stop.
“What’s wrong?” she asked.
“Nothing. . .” I answered. “I thought. . . I thought I saw firefly. . .”
She laughed. “Jiyong, there are no fireflies in the afternoon. Most of them appear at night.”
“I must’ve imagined it,” I answered. But I swear, a light blinked not too far ahead. But of course, that’s impossible. Out of nowhere, a hand landed on my cheek so hard that it felt like my head was going to be separated from my body.
I heard Taeyeon gasped. “What are you doing?” she asked. “Why did you slap him?”
I wasn’t fully recovered yet when two hands cupped my face and the next thing I knew, soft and familiar lips were on mine. I knew these lips, I knew this kiss. . . but I was too surprised to even move.
Sooner than later, the lips were gone. I waited for the person to speak but when nothing came, I frowned. “Taeyeon?”
“She ran away,” she answered. “She’s one feisty girl, isn’t she?”
“Is she. . .?”
“I think you know who the person was,” she said then added a chuckle. “I think she slapped you because she was mad at you but then, she kissed you afterwards. She must’ve really missed you.”
“But she’s married!”
“I didn’t see any ring. . .” Taeyeon said.
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A/N:
@Mon - ayan ha, another update. Stop harrassing me, LOL, kidding! ^^
Weeeeeeee... One more chappie..
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