Awkward
Crazy Little Thoughts
I don’t understand why everyone’s overreacting about it. I seem to have the guts to face them but I can’t look at Vicky. I was scared to do that. So, to distract myself, I turned to my schoolmates and smiled at them. “You guys must have known that I liked Sandara Park. And just a while ago, when we were having a stroll, she finally agreed to be my girlfriend.”
There was silence. I can only hear the chirping insects in the background and my lousy breathing. I’ve watched their faces and they were staring past by me. I looked behind and I saw Mikmun looking at Sandara Park while she had her head bowed. Eh? What’s with that reaction? It’s her idea, right? Why is she being like that all of the sudden? It’s as if she’s ashamed with my declaration.
Without really thinking about it, I went towards her and grabbed her hand. Her head suddenly snapped up but I didn’t bother looking at her expression as I pulled her up and faced the others again. I gave them a smile and said, “I do hope you guys will support us.”
Still, silence.
“Err. . . are you serious?” Lee Junho asked.
I suddenly had the urge to jump on him and strangle him but instead, I gave him my sweetest smile. But before I could even say a thing, Sandara Park beat me to it.
“He’s telling the truth,” she said, smiling to everyone. Then, she chuckled. “It might be unexpected but it’s true.”
I watched the others’ reactions. Most of the girls were pouting, as if disappointed. Most of the boys looked. . . well, as if they don’t really care. I seriously wanted to see bullfrog’s reaction so I looked behind and saw him staring at Sandara Park as if it’s his first time seeing her. Then, his eyes switched to mine. There was something in there that I couldn’t describe but then, he stood up and said, “Congratulations.”
I grinned widely at him. “Thank you!” I cheerfully answered. “Okay,” I clapped. “Let’s get back to the game!”
There was a slight change in the atmosphere after that – awkwardness seemed to hover around us. However, as the night progresses, it went back to normal, except probably to Mikmun. He obviously wasn’t into the game anymore. And then, after a few minutes, he stood up and went somewhere with my Vicky following him. Tch, if I were Vicky, I would have broken up with that guy already! How inconsiderate and insensitive. I looked back at Sandara Park and was about to tell her this when I realized she wasn’t beside me. Lo and behold, she was talking to Lee Junho! And she’s laughing! She’s laughing!
Okay, just in case you people didn’t get my point, SHE’S LAUGHING!
Aish, this girl! She came up with the idea of us pretending to be together so she will have the right to pull me out of conversing from my fangirls but look at what she’s doing! With long strides, I went over to their direction, placed my arm on her shoulder lazily and gave Lee Junho a sweet warning smile. “Baby girl,” I said. “Let’s get some refreshments, shall we?”
I stirred her away from. . . from that janitor fish looking guy. “Ya, what was that all about?” I asked her.
“I should be the one asking you that,” she whispered back.
Eh?
“And why is that?” I asked. “Wasn’t it your idea to start pretending as boyfriend and girlfriend? It’s because we would not look convincing if we’re talking to someone else?”
“Junho is my friend,” she said.
“Oh really?”
With her arms across her chest, she suddenly faced me with a smirk. “Huh! If I didn’t know better, you’re actually jealous, really jealous.”
“Me? ME?! As in me, Kwon Jiyong jealous? Ha! Ha ha ha! Very funny!”
“Then stop overreacting,” she said, rolling her eyes. She then grabbed my hand and pulled me over to get some drinks. “Where do you think Nickhun go?”
“How would I know?”
“You know everything, right?”
“I don’t think the same with bullfrogs,” I mumbled, pouting.
“But I think, it’s working,” she said. “I mean, our pretense. I can feel tension between the two. So, if ever Khunnie will reconcile with me, you can go and mend Victoria’s hurt pride.”
“YA! You sound like you’re throwing me away!”
She looked at me with all seriousness then, she pouted her lips. “Am I being too obvious?”
“YA!”
She pinched my cheeks while laughing. “Of course I will never throw you away. You’re like the bestfriend I’ve been looking for that I’ve just found.”
I jutted my chin up. “Good,” I told her curtly. “Huh, just so you know, someone like me can’t be thrown away just like that by anyone. And mind you, I’m not yet accepting that we are bestfriends. I’m a high profile person and I don’t just –” I ranted but stopped when she suddenly tiptoed and gave me a peck on my cheek.
“Khunnie and Vic are here,” she whispered. “Smile.”
What did she say? Smile?
Okay, smile.
“Hey,” she laughed, slapping my arm. “That’s too much of a smile! You look like you’re floating or something.”
What did she say again?
I blinked at her and saw her laughing at me, her brown eyes reflecting the light coming from somewhere. One thing about her that I’m starting to like is the sincerity of her laughter – it always reaches her eyes. Seriously though, if I were not in love with Vicky and if only Vicky is not the prettiest girl in the world, I would probably have fallen for Sandara Park.
Wait, what?
What did I just think?
I shook my head frantically and gulped down the whole content of the thing I’m holding.
“Hey, are you okay?” she asked, her hand reaching out for me. She my arm soothingly while she stared at me with a concerned look.
“I think this place is. . . enchanted.”
“What?”
“I. . . I-I think I-I-I’ll go to bed,” I said, shivering a little at the gentle touch of her hand on my arm. Omo, what is happening? This place is enchanted, I’m telling you! I should get some sleep maybe that would chase the weirdness away.
“Are you sure? It’s still early to sleep.”
“I sleep early,” I said. “I need my handsome rest, anyways.”
She chuckled and shook her head. “Fine,” she said. “Have a good night.”
I started walking away from her when I realized what she said. I turned around and gave her my darkest glare. “You,” I accusingly pointed at her.
She stared back at me with raised brows. “What’s with that cute expression and pointing thing?”
Cute expression?! Can’t she see I’m glaring at her?
(a/n: this is Ji's glare):
“You,” I repeated. “How come you’re so quick to say good night? As my girlfriend, you’re supposed to either stop me or follow me!”
“I’m not sleepy yet,” she said in an expression I would interpret as I’m-innocent-but-I-can’t-tell-you-my-reason.
“You’re planning to talk to Mikmun, aren’t you?”
“Of course not,” she said. She sounded defensive to me.
“To Lee Junho, then?”
She rolled her eyes. “Fine, I’ll go to sleep as well.”
Huh! She didn’t even defend herself! Meaning, it’s true! Why this naughty girl. . . !
I followed her as she went to the two tents located at the edge of the clearing, far from everybody else’s. I was stomping my feet quite loudly to show her my protest to her actions. She went to my tent first and I was about to protest again when I noticed that a light was inside. She then went out again and gave me a look.
Eh? What does that mean now?
“You can be very childish sometimes, you know.”
“Bwoh!” I exclaimed. “Me? Kwon Jiyong is childish? Huh! Do you even -?”
“Good night,” she suddenly cut off with a sigh and another kiss on my cheek. “Have a sweet dream.”
And with that, she disappeared through her tent while I stood there like a statue. It was when she shouted a while later through her tent asking me what I’m doing when I came back to my senses. I went inside my tent, closed it and lied down comfortably. I closed my eyes afterwards and tried to seek the comforts of sleep.
I can still hear the others outside – laughing, talking, enjoying. I tried to drown them out but when I couldn’t do that, I opened my eyes and shifted to the left, facing Sandara Park’s tent. Of course I could not see her since there’s a block between us but I scooted closer and tried to listen. I couldn’t hear anything extraordinary. Maybe she’s asleep. I sighed, I can’t sleep. I usually sleep early. Ugh, what will happen to my handsome rest?
It was hours later when everything went silent. I guess everyone went to sleep already. Aigoo, I still couldn’t sleep! This is frustrating!
“Ji?”
I paused.
“Jiyong, are you still up?” Sandara Park’s voice came through.
“Yes, why?”
“I can’t sleep,” she said.
“Me too.”
Silence then followed.
“There’s something I’ve been meaning to ask,” she said.
“What is it?”
“Who’s your first kiss?”
I coughed out loud at her question and I could fee heat crawled to my cheeks, intense heat, that is. “It’s none of your business!” I mumbled to myself.
“Who?” she asked.
“I don’t want to tell you,” I stubbornly said.
“YA!” she exclaimed. “Do you want me to make a scene here?”
“Why do you want to know, anyways?” I fought back.
“Because I want to!”
“Aish!” I exclaimed and with a voice I couldn’t even recognize and hear, I said, “you.”
“What?!”
“I said you!” I annoyingly said. “Hapy?”
There was silence. Then, she cleared . “Me?”
“I don’t want to repeat myself anymore,” I said.
“Me?” she repeated.
“YA!” I said. “You don’t have to be so proud of the fact that you’re my first kiss!”
“But. . . y-you. . .”
Eh? Am I hearing this right? Sandara Park is stammering?
“I’m what?”
“You were. . . pretty good at it,” she said in a small, whispering squeaky voice.
I felt myself blushed deeper. Eh? What’s going on with me?
“Of course,” I said in squeaky voice as well. I cleared my throat a little. “I’m good at everything I do.”
She was quiet. I expected her to retort back but she remained quiet. I suddenly had this weird urge to reach out for her hand, kissed it and assure her that she’s the first girl I’ve kissed. My heart was beating weirdly as well.
Eh?
I was about to say that I’m telling the truth, that she’s the first girl I’ve kissed but the next words that came out from stopped me. “Do you think Khunnie will love me again?”
I don’t get it why she has to ask that. Of course I don’t have the answer.
“As a boy,” she went on. “What is it about me that you think I should work on?”
“I think you’re perfect,” I blurted out of nowhere. I blinked when I realized what I said. And I was quick enough to amend it. “I mean, you’re perfectly clumsy.”
“What?” she asked.
“Well, that’s my honest opinion,” I told her.
I heard her sigh heavily. “This is the reason why I prefer talking to Junho sometimes.”
“Ya! Don’t compare me to that guy!”
“Good night,” she dismissively said.
I suddenly felt bad. . . and guilty. “It’s true, though. You are clumsy, but I find it adorable. It makes me look like a superhero that will save you from the disaster awaiting you due to your clumsiness.”
There was no answer.
“Dara. . . .” I called out.
“Haven’t heard that for a long time.”
“What do you mean?”
“You always call me by my full name – it’s so formal.”
“Can we sleep together?” my stupid mouth suddenly blurted out. My eyes widened when silence suddenly enveloped the surroundings. I didn’t mean it that way, I swear! She just sounded too. . . lonely that I thought of accompanying her as a friend. “Ya! I didn’t mean it that way! Don’t think of dirty thoughts about me! I was just trying to say sleep side by side, literally, nothing else!”
She chuckled. “Why do you sound so defensive?”
“I am not!”
She chuckled again. “You never fail to amuse me, you know.”
“I’m not a clown,” I grumpily said.
“I never said you were,” she said. “Wait, I’ll transfer there.”
I opened my tent and waited for her. When she entered, she threw her pillow beside me and settled in. “Ya, you didn’t close –”
“You close it,” she said.
“Aish!” I exclaimed but went to close it anyways.
“I can’t sleep with a light on,” she said.
“That’s easy,” I told her. “You just have to bury your face in my chest in that way, you won’t be blinded by it.”
Without any warning, I pulled her close to me and let her face rest in my chest. She snuggled closer with a chuckle. “Better,” she said. “You know, you’re really weird.”
“What?”
“It’s like you have two personalities,” she said. “The first one, the one that everyone thinks of originally is your weird personality that never fails to make me laugh. Then, this one. . . this one that everyone is starting to see that makes me feel so special. I like them both, though.”
“What are you talking about?”
I waited for an answer but when no answer came, I pulled away a little to check on her. She was already fast asleep. With a smile and a shake of head, I pulled her closer again and wrapped my arms tightly around her small torso. She’s so small. I can’t even think how Mikmun got the guts to hurt someone like her.
And it’s starting to make me think. If he already hurt her before, there’s the possibility that he can do it again. Now I can’t help but hesitate if we should continue with this pretense. If we succeed, Sandara Park and bullfrog will be together again and he might hurt again. And that. . . I don’t like that idea.
I shook my head at the protective thoughts I’m having – must be the bestfriend in me. Yeah, I think I’ll accept Sandara Park as a bestfriend.
“Hey Jiyong, good morning! We – oh!”
I jerked awake and was blinded by a bright light coming from somewhere. I can see a silhouette, well, more of a shadow just not too far from me.
“Sorry,” I heard Krystal’s voice said. “I didn’t mean t-to. . . d-disturb. . .”
“W-what?” I asked but she already disappeared with the tent’s flap closing again. It was then that I realized what’s going on. My eyes widened upon seeing Sandara Park’s flat and smooth tummy just in front of my face. Her shirt was rolled up to her chest and what I saw made me red all over. I jumped to my feet and ran out, looked for the nearest source of water and poured everything to my whole body, drenching my pj’s heavily.
Omo, what happened? Why was my hand on. . . kyak! No! I don’t want to think about it. Distraction, I need distraction! Wait, why am I the one feeling guilty here? Shouldn’t it be her? She’s the one who went to my tent, right? Yes, she might have created that scene! Why that naughty girl!
“Erm.”
I looked behind me and saw one of Krystal’s invited friends. She was blushing. I wonder why. “Erm, Krystal said you were pretty busy but. . . erm, she wanted me to tell you that once you’re done with what you and erm, Dara doing, you can follow us to the lake down that trail,” she said, pointing to a trail. Then, she ran off, giggling.
HOMHAYGAWD! MY REPUTATION! IT’S RUINED!
IT’S RUIIINNNEEEEDD!!!!!
I marched towards my tent, feeling embarrassed and. . . ruined! I woke Sandara Park up and she looked dazed when she opened her eyes. “YA! WHAT DID YOU DO TO ME LAST NIGHT?!?
“W-what?” she asked, then she yawned and went back to sleep.
“YAAAAA!”
“Quiet, I’m trying to sleep.”
That’s when I started shouting about what happened. She stood up after my outburst. “I don’t know what you’re talking about.”
“How could you not know? You - !” I started again but stopped upon remembering something. That time, that time when my uncle visited me and Sandara Park suddenly came out, scratching her tummy, giving me a glimpse of it. It’s her habit. Her habit!
AISH!
“Get up,” I said grumpily.
I was in a bad mood when we were preparing our things to go the lake. But I can’t take the silence as well, so I decided to break it.
"You really don't have taste, do you?" I asked. "First, you fell in love with Mikmun, who looked much like a bullfrog. Now, you seem to be interested with Lee Junho who looked like. . . ."
"Like what?"
"Like a. . . janitor fish!"
"A janitor fish?" she coughed.
"Yes!" I eagerly answered, moving my head up and down in an exaggeration to make my point.
But she just shrugged. "Whatever," she said, rolling her eyes. "But can I just ask, how did Khunnie - "
"Don't call him Khunnie."
"Fine, how did Khun - "
"Don't call him Khun, either."
"What do you want me to call him then?"
"By his last name," I said.
"That's mouthful!" she protested. "Back to my question, how did Nickhun look like a bullfrog and Junho as a janitor fish?"
"They simply reminded me of those creatures," I stubbornly said, crossing my arms.
She just shook her head then chuckled.
"Ya!" I frowned. "What's with the chuckle?"
"I don't know," she shrugged, mysteriously smiling. "But I find a particular canary bird very adorable lately," she finished then walked away.
Eh? A particular canary bird?
"A canary bird?" I asked myself. "What's so special with a canary bird with its yellow feathers? If it weren't for tweety bird, that breed would not even be popular, I bet. So, what's with. . .? My thoughts stopped as the words tweety bird sunk into my mind.
Eh? Tweety bird?
But I am tweety bird.
No, I mean, I look like tweety bird. Does that mean that Sandara Park finds me very adorable?
EEHHH?!?!
“Ya! What did that mean?”
“You’re a genius, right?” she asked. “Go figure it out yourself.”
I ran after her.
“Ya!”
She laughed. “If Nickhun is a bullfrog to you and Junho is a janitor fish, what would Victoria be?”
I smiled and dreamily looked up ahead. “She’s like a swan – so pure and graceful and –”
“A swan?”
“Yes,” I nodded.
“Ah,” she nodded as well. “Meaning she has a loooooooooooooong neck.”
“Ya! I didn’t mean it that way!” I protested. “A swan is pure, graceful and –”
“ – and has a loooooooooooooooooong neck.”
“Ya! Stop saying looooooooooooooooong in that tone and voice.”
“Victoria has a looooooooooooooooong neck just like the swan!”
“NOO!”
“Looooooooooooooooooooooong neck, hahahahahaha!”
“Stop it!”
Well basically, we argued all the way to the lake. And when we arrived, everyone was giving us teasing looks – except probably Mikmun, Vicky and the janitor fish.
Janitor fish was looking every inch like a janitor fish. Bullfrog looked menacing, while my swan is as ever, beautiful and graceful.
Then, the teasing suddenly started. It seemed that Krystal has spread the rumor of what she had seen. Sandara Park just smiled at them. We went to place our things together with theirs.
“Ready to get wet?” she asked.
“Huh?”
“Take your shirt off,” she said.
“What?”
“I said take your shirt off,” she said then took my shirt off without my permission. I suddenly hugged myself.
“Ya!”
“Hmm,” she thoughtfully said. “You’re not as well-built as Khunnie but you will do.”
“YA! DON’T COMPARE ME TO THAT - !”
“Lower your voice down,” she suddenly whispered. “You’re not as well-built as he is but you still look y.”
“Well, of course I am! I am Kwon –”
My thoughts froze as Sandara Park took out her shirt and her shorts. I blinked at her as my jaw dropped in awe. She’s. . . she’s wearing a two-piece bikini. I still haven’t recovered from the shock yet when I felt her grabbed my hand and pulled me with her to the water.
“You look pretty stupid right now,” she said, smiling.
I suddenly came back to my senses and noticed that only my shoulder and head were above the water. “Why you - !”
She suddenly laughed and wrapped her arms around my neck. She leaned closer and whispered to my ear, “They’re watching.”
Ah, so we’re supposed to act. I gave a hearty laugh in which I hoped sounded real.
“So, if Victoria has a loooooooong neck just like a swan, what am I then?”
An angel in a bikini, a side of my mind snorted. “A firefly,” my mouth blurted instead.
“A firefly?” she asked, looking flabbergasted.
A smile was starting to form in my lips. “Yes, because you’re so tiny I can barely see you.”
“Ya!”
I laughed at her expression and I knew this time that it was real.
“That is just so. . . lame,” she said.
“Do you have any idea how funny you look when you’re annoyed?”
“You should be making me laugh, not the other way around. Khunnie is watching, Victoria as well.”
“I bet the janitor fish is watching as well.”
She smiled. “Do you know how to swim?”
“I’m an expert in everything,” I said.
“Good,” she said. “I don’t know how to swim,” she added then suddenly wrapped her legs around my waist that almost made me lost my balance.
“Ya, you could’ve warned me!” I said.
She just laughed and hugged me but it was before I saw her glancing at the shore where the bullfrog was stationed. She looked at me and grinned. “You adorable little tweety bird,” she cooed and rubbed the tip of her nose to mine. Something then happened. I’m not sure which triggered it. Could it be because I can feel her skin against mine? Could it be because she had her arms and legs around me? Could it be because our bodies were under the water? Could it be because. . . .?
I just found my arms around her tiny waist. The smile on her face faltered as my arms tightened around her. Then, we were kissing, for the second time, I’m kissing Sandara Park.
“Hey, you two!”
“Jeez, get a room!”
“Let them be guys, Krystal disturbed them a while ago, remember?”
“Sandara Park,” bullfrog’s voice came in an authoritative tone.
She broke the kiss and unwrapped herself from me. We exchanged looks. But there was no mischief in her eyes or even shyness. There was. . . awkwardness. She then looked away and started going back to the shore.
Under the water, I reached for her hand. “Where are you going?” I asked in a whisper.
“He’s calling me,” she whispered back and pulled her hand from my grasp.
“So what?” I asked. “You’re my girlfriend, your place is beside me.”
“But it’s just a pretense.”
“And it’s your idea,” I said.
“I’ll just talk to him for a while, you can distract Victoria and –”
“No.”
She turned back and faced me. “I can’t ignore his call.”
And I watched her go.
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