Overthinking
Crazy Little Thoughts
Hugging her made me realize how lonely I have been ever since. . . ever since I was a kid. I’ve always lived with the maids tending to me and when I started to learn what’s right and wrong, I was sent here, living alone. She just felt so soft, so small, so. . . right that it made me go back to the times I’ve been in this house – alone. I always eat alone, sleep alone, watch the television alone, and play the guitar alone. I didn’t have friends and now that I think of it, I can now clearly see in my mind how other people have thought of me as a slightly disturbed person. At that time, it didn’t bother me. Nothing bothered me at all.
Until my supposed-to-be stalker, Sandara Park started making it her business to disturb me. “How can you bear it?” I asked her through a muffled voice.
“Bear what?” she asked.
“Bear being with a freak like me?”
Her arms tightened around me. “You’re not a freak,” she said. “You’re very unique and I like it. But I have to say, you can be a little crazy sometimes and I find it adorable and funny at times. I like both my crazy Jiyong and my sweet Jiyong.”
I felt my heart thundered inside my chest. Did she just call me my Jiyong?!?
DID SHE?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?
SHE DID!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
She called me hers, her Jiyong!
What does that mean? WHAT DOES THAT MEAN?!?
Oooh, I like it! I really like it!
I want to hear it again, I want to hear it again, I want to hear it again! A spoiled brat’s voice chanted inside my head.
Should I ask her to say it again?
Ah no, I should not. What would she think if I ask her to call me like that again? It might make her think that the great Kwon Jiyong got some sort of crush on her or something.
“Erm, I think we should let go,” she then said.
“No,” I said, hugging her tighter. “I want to hug you longer,” I added and kissed her hair. It was a lie at the same the truth. Yes, I wanted to hug her longer. But not just longer, I want to always to have to hug her, everyday, every minute, every second. Just the thought of her stepping away from my arms was quite. . . disturbing. Maybe I’m just deprived of company or friendship.
She chuckled as she buried her head in my chest deeper. “I like the way you feel and smell.”
I think I just blushed. Aigoo, aigoo, aigoo. “I like having you in my arms,” I confessed as well. “You just fit in right.”
She was silent for a while. “I. . . like being in your arms as well,” she said, looking up. “It feels right.”
I was thinking of saying that we really are the best friends in the world when our eyes met. I can’t explain it but the words were suddenly erased from my mind as I stared down at her while she looked up at me. What is this feeling? I just felt my left hand moved up to cup her face, my forehead leaning against hers.
She closed her eyes and breathed in. Then, she opened them again with my mouth hovering a few inches away from her luscious ones. She shook her head once. “We shouldn’t. . .” she said.
“I know,” I whispered huskily and closed the distance between our faces. The moment our lips touched, I felt like we were suddenly wrapped up in a cocoon of fire, not burning but just wrapped up inside it.
It wasn’t right. We were no longer pretending to be a couple. She’s supposed to be my best friend. I’m supposed to be in love with Vicky. Dara’s supposed to be in love with Mikmun. Instead of stopping me, having those thoughts only made me want to hold her closer and never let go.
And her, being responsive was not helping me at all.
Well, I don’t want to stop.
I just can’t stop.
She lifted her arms and wound her fingers in my hair, pulling my head closer to her as the kiss deepened.
Dara, Dara, Dara, Dara.
Dara.
DARA.
DARA!
Her name was bouncing in every corner of my head. Her presence embraced me and I reveled in it. Kissing her was no longer enough, I wanted to be closer, much closer. I want to be a part of her.
Then, a sound broke us apart. Panting, I looked down at her but she was looking everywhere but me. Even so, I can see her swollen lips parted slightly as she was also trying to catch her breath. “I. . . I think someone’s outside.”
“I’ll have a look,” I said and went on my way. As I reached the main door and opened it, I saw Vicky waiting for me.
“Hey,” she said, giving me a smile.
“H-hey,” I greeted in response.
She walked past by me and entered the house. “I’m really sorry about – oh!”
I whirled around and saw that Vicky was face to face with Sandara Park. To my uttermost surprise, her hand flew to Vicky’s face. It was so strong that Vicky staggered backwards. I moved forward and held her shoulders, steadying her.
I looked at Sandara Park with my eyes wide opened. Her face was red as she glared at Vicky, her eyes shooting knives. Jeez, she can be very scary sometimes. “That felt good,” she said.
“What was that for?” Vicky demanded.
“That’s for hurting Jiyong,” Dara answered.
I suddenly felt a lump in my throat hearing her say that. Oh darn, I so want to hug her.
“I did not hurt –!” Vicky started.
“Oh puh-lease!” Sandara Park laughed. “Don’t give me that crap. Do you really think he’ll ran away if you weren’t so single-minded standing there staring at him like he’s some sort of a freak show?!”
“Erm, I’m here,” I mumbled, trying to tell them to stop talking about me like this.
Sandara Park stalked to Vicky. “Try hurting him again and you’ll have me to answer for.”
“Erm. . .” I began again but then, Dara stepped back then took a deep breath.
“I guess you two should have a talk and sort this out. I’ll go ahead,” she said without even glancing at me.
“Dara,” I called but she just walked away. I started going after her but Vicky held my arm.
“I’m sorry,” she said. “But please stay.”
I opened my mouth to argue. But I never had the guts to argue with a girl, except if it’s Sandara Park. It’s fun arguing with her sometimes, especially when she goes all pouty and childish on me. This was Vicky in front of me. I will never have the guts to argue with her, I think. To my surprise, she suddenly wrapped her arms around me and started crying. “I’m sorry!” she sobbed. “I’m really sorry. I was. . . I was just surprised and. . . I’m really sorry!”
After talking to Vicky, I walked her home. She gave me a quick peck in the lips before entering their house. I inserted my hands in the jeans of my pockets and started heading home as soon as she was inside. I suddenly stopped when I found myself heading towards the direction of Sandara Park’s house.
Eh? Aren’t I supposed to go home?
I stood on my spot for a while, wondering if I should move forward or I should just turn around and go back. I was in that dilemma when I suddenly saw Sandara Park leaving their house. I immediately ran off behind the large trash container and hid.
Eh? Where is she going?
Hmmmm….
I started following her, not letting her know I’m doing it. But it’s quite odd. How come she can’t sense my presence? Aish, this girl, really!
She went in and out in different stores, looking at some dresses but she did not try anything on. I think she’s bored as she was going inside every store she could see! What’s up with her? And why was Mikmun not with her? That guy!
Then, she went into a store selling some cute items like key chains, stuffed toys, etc. I saw her stop in front of a stand where there were a lot of frog key chains dangling. She took one and examined it. Then, she took another one and compared the two.
Why is she having a hard time choosing? She should not have a hard time choosing as frogs are fugly!
Fugly, I say!
Then, my eyes sparked as I saw that at one corner, there were tweety bird key chains as well as stuffed toys! I should do something about this. Frogs are fugly, they’re just fugly. Unlike tweety bird, the cutest cartoon character Warner Bros. could ever come up with!
When I saw her took a frog phone charm and a little frog stuffed toy, the warning bells in my head started ringing in full alert.
I have to do something!
I stepped inside the store, going to the tweety bird items, trying to be inconspicuous, which I know is quite impossible as I simply stand out. I took out a tweety bird key chain, a phone charm and a cute tiny cuddly stuffed toy. Then, I also took a plastic ball and threw it across the room, near Sandara Park. She jumped and dropped the items in her hand. She went to pick them up and place above the stand of stuffed toys. I immediately went towards her direction as she turned around and went to pick up the ball. I immediately replaced the fugly frog items with the cute and cuddly tweety bird items. I quickly ran away from the store, leaving the fugly frog unceremoniously on the floor.
I then took a peek at the store and watched her stare at the items for a while, blinking at them. I could just imagine her confusion. But then, a small smile curved her lips and she suddenly looked around, making me back away. I counted one to ten before peeking again.
A wide smile then spread across my face upon seeing her bringing the tweety items to the counter.
That’s my Sandara Park.
Eh?
Aish!
Later on, she started heading towards less crowded and it was getting harder for me to follow her. I was still keeping my distance when she suddenly stopped from walking. I instantly jumped towards the nearest tree and hid myself there.
“I know you’ve been following me,” she said aloud. “Just come out, will you?”
I didn’t move. I closed my eyes and tried to even my breathing. When I opened my eyes, I almost had a heart attack upon seeing Sandara Park standing in front of me.
“Why are you following me?” she asked.
“I’m not!”
She raised her brows. “Do you really think that blonde head of yours would not stand out? I’ve seen you the first time, when you went to hid behind the trash.”
I pouted. There’s no point denying, I was caught red-handed. “I was just curious as to where you’re going.”
“You could have asked then.”
“Well, you should have just called me out.”
“I just did,” she said.
“No, I mean the first time.”
“I was wondering what you’re up to so I let you be,” she said.
“If you knew I was following you, then why did you. . . why did you went to the store looking only at those. . . at those fugly frog items?”
“I knew you were following me and I just thought that you would react if I only look at those cute frog items and it would make you come out, which obviously worked but. . . ah, you should have seen how you looked running away from that store then dropping those items to the floor like a thief.”
I blushed.
Then, she started laughing. I was embarrassed but hearing and seeing her laugh made me smile. She’s so beautiful, just like a shining star, not just any star – but the brightest star. “Well, since you already caught me red-handed, I might have to deal with it,” I said, taking the bags from her hand and entwining my fingers with hers. “I’m hungry, let’s go eat.”
“Your grin is creeping me out,” she said.
I can’t help it. I just feel like I’ve been hiding inside a cave for so long, waiting for the rain to subside. Then, when the sun finally came out, I can’t help but glorify in the feel of it. “It’s a nice day, don’t you think?” I asked her, winking, making her laugh.
“You did not just wink at me!” she exclaimed, laughing with our hands still linked.
“I just did!” I said. “Want me to do it again, huh?” I asked then started winking at her nonstop using one eye after the other.
“Oh please, stop!” she said, laughing. “You look like a erted old man!”
“HUUUUUUUUUUWAAAAAAAAAAAATTTTTTTTTTTTTT?!?”
After Sandara Park’s uncontrollable and unstoppable rounds of laughter, we were able to get ourselves some decent meal. It was fun to be with her, no boring moments at all. Now I seem to understand why that Mikmun guy wants her back. She – no, I should stop thinking about that frog guy. It only ruins my mood.
After our meal, I took her hand again and I started leading her towards the park. Halfway to our bench, she paused for a moment. I stopped as well and was about to ask her when I remembered that we had a not-so-friendly confrontation the last time we’ve been here.
I wanted to say something but my mind was all frozen. But then, she smiled and started pulling me towards the bench. She sat at the far end corner and patted her lap. I put her shopping bags down and lied down, my head resting on her lap. I took one of her hand and kissed her palm as I closed my eyes, enjoying the way she was running her free hand through my hair.
“What did Mikmun mean about his plans depend on your answer?” I asked. It’s been bugging me actually and I just remembered to ask. “And don’t tell me it’s nothing, I know there’s something.”
There was a long silence. Then, I heard her sigh. “He asked me to marry him.”
My eyes snapped open. “What?”
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a/n:
erm, i hope you guys don't mind if I edited out some parts of the story (GD-Victoria convo)
- hagocimit
Sandara Park Is My Muse
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