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Crazy Little Thoughts
I didn’t inform my uncle I’ll be paying him a visit. Besides, didn’t he want me to go back with him before? I just asked for more time because I wanted to help San – no, don’t go that route. Darn it! Just the mere thought of her names makes me want to go back and pull her in my arms and steal her away from. . . aish!
I wonder what she’s doing right now. I wonder if she goes out on a date with him on a daily basis. I wonder if she ever texted me or called me and if she ever went to my place. Is she looking for me right now? Is she worried about me?
I wonder what her response to Nickhun’s proposal.
I closed my eyes. I guess this is better. If ever she told me she’ll say yes, I know I would not be able to take it and I’d still end up running away. I wonder, would we still be friends?
No matter how hard I try to order myself not to think of her, I can’t help it. Her face, her smile, her laughter, her soft skin, her lips, her jokes, her hair, her eyes, her voice – everything just pops up in my mind every now and then.
I miss her.
I miss Sandara Park.
It’s funny how I used to fret over Victoria but now, I hardly remember her face and her voice. When did it start, anyways? When did I start falling for Sandara Park? I can’t remember anymore.
I paid the cab driver a fair amount of money before stepping out of it. With my bags on my hands, I looked up at the gigantic iron-wrought gates with intricate design. I remember hearing my father saying that this gate of ours is one of a kind as it was especially made to order. Through the gates, a long driveway can be seen that’s nestled in between well-mown Bermuda glass where two fountains can be seen. My eyes focused in on the establishment at the far end of the driveway. It hasn’t changed a bit. As if a memory clicked in my head, I can remember how I used to run around the house, hiding from my father as I played hide-and-seek with him. I always run up to the fourth floor of our house as I knew father had hard time climbing the stairs. I remember how mother used to laugh at father because of it that he ended up having an elevator in the house.
This castle will be yours, Jiyong. And this is where you’re going to have your princess live with you and you will have little kids running around here, just like what you’re doing.
I inhaled sharply. The words and that female voice just floated to my mind that it made me dizzy. I felt myself swaying a little bit to the side. I swear, the world is spinning round and round! I scooted into a sitting position and clutched my head, shutting my eyes tightly as I chanted the words go away over and over again.
After what felt like years, the spinning started to slow down until it eventually stopped. I realized I was sweating like I ran a marathon or something. I was breathing really hard as well. That was my mother’s voice, I was sure of it. The memory of her voice brought hollowness inside of me. Did I do the right thing in coming over? Come to think of it, I can’t even remember how I knew to go back to this place. The last time I’ve seen this place was when I was still a kid.
Testing the ground, I slowly stood up in a slow manner, just in case I’ll suddenly get dizzy again. I looked up at the place where I used to live. With a deep breath, I rang the bell. I knew a camera was somewhere installed here and any moment now, a voice from an intercom would ask my name.
And so it did.
“Kwon Jiyong,” I answered, looking up at straight at the camera now that I remembered where it was. The second question was the reason for the visit. But nothing happened, there was only silence. I pressed the bell button the button in the intercom and initiated to state my reason. “Kwon Jiyong, to visit my uncle.”
Still, nothing happened. I frowned.
Am I banned from my own property?!?
As I was planning to climb the gate, I saw a figure running towards the gate. He looked familiar. He was medium-built and had wispy gray hair. He opened the gates, looking around before pulling my arm and started dragging me with him.
“What are you doing?” I asked.
He didn’t answer.
“Mister, I am –”
“He must not see you,” he said. There was something urgent in his tone and voice which made me frown deeper and made me stop protesting. I clamped my mouth shut and just let him lead me to somewhere only he and God, probably knew.
Later on, I realized where he was leading me to. He was leading me to the servant’s lounge area. Yes, our servants have their own lounge area. I used to go to that place when I was a kid and messed around the room and listen to the female servants’ gossip and talk about the male servants. Young that I was, I used to pass everything I hear to the male servants and well, add a few more things. I smiled. I remembered how the male servants used to tease the female servants, especially those who were loveless because I spilled their secrets to the other parties. But despite that, the female servants never fail to pinch my cheeks and baby-talk me, they still welcomed me to their chambers and attend to me like I’m the most irresistible kid there ever is. Well, I am irresistible.
We climbed down a descending staircase in between well-trimmed bushes. At the end of the stairs was a door large enough for two people to go in and out at the same time. He opened the door and pushed it open. I heard gasps from the room the moment I stepped in. I looked up at the same time I heard the door closed. The lounge area was not as I remembered it was. It no longer looked like a lounge area but a storage room, a storage room of broken items.
“It’s him!”
“Omo, it really is him!”
“How can this be?”
“My heart. . . my heart, I feel like fainting. . .”
Arms then were thrown at me and I felt like I was hugged by billions of people at the same time.
“Give him some room to breathe,” a voice said. But the female population gushed over me until one of them eventually fainted.
As the others attended to the unconscious female whom they called Shin, I was led to a chair and was made to sit down.
“It is him,” one female said again. “I didn’t believe you a while ago but now. . . oh my God, he looked like his father!”
“But he got his mother’s smile.”
I blinked at them. Okay, what’s going on in here?
“You shouldn’t have come back here, Master.”
Everyone went silent at once.
Jiyong frowned. “This is my home.”
“I think. . . I think he doesn’t remember. . Kang, I don’t think he remembers what happened.”
Every eye turned to Kang, the person who pulled me to this place. “D-don’t you remember anything? Don’t you remember as to why. . . why you no longer live here?”
It hit home. No, I don’t know! I wanted to scream those words but it seemed that my voice was trapped inside my throat. My heart started beating hard against my chest that I feel like it’s going to explode, like it’s going to escape my chest.
“Kang, we should tell him what –”
“Do you think he’ll believe us?” a young female voice interrupted. I haven’t noticed her before, probably because the rest of the female population gushed over me that they blocked her from my view. I blinked at the girl, I could she was of the same age as me. “Like, what are we? We’re only servants and we’re up against his family.”
“We may be servants,” one male said. “But I would say I consider the Kwons more of a family that masters, well except for that one person in the mansion right now.”
The conversation went on around me but my eyes were focused on the girl who spoke. There was something very familiar about her, something warm and familiar that I felt myself admiring how beautiful and pretty she was, how she seemed small yet strong. She got a soft face, soft-looking lips and soft brown eyes.
“Oppa!” a small voice whined. “Why won’t you play with me?”
I laughed. “I don’t want to play with you!”
“Why not?” she whined again, pouting.
I found myself in front of her, pinching her cheeks. “Aigoo, so cuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuute!”
She grinned. “I am, neh? You are cute, too oppa! Just like me!”
“Taeyeon!” her mother called. “Come here!”
“We’ll play later, neh?” I said. “I have to study first or else, Daddy will not give me chocolates! If Daddy would not give me chocolates, then I would not be able to give you chocolates as well.”
Her face lit up. “You will give me chocolates?”
“Yes!”
“Yay!”
“I know you!” I exclaimed, pointing a finger at her. “You’re Taeyeon! We used to play together and you always cry when I can’t play with you!”
Everyone went silent again. But I didn’t care. I was too excited to see an old friend, a playmate! She’s part of my memory, of this place, of my home. The good thing about it was, I didn’t feel any headache or pain remembering her. everytime a memory would pop up into my head, I always get dizzy, I would always have headaches but not my memory with her. She blushed and looked away and I can’t help but chuckle. “You always blush!”
She blushed deeper.
“Well, she had a crush on you ever since you were kids.”
Her eyes widened. “Mom!”
“What? It’s the truth. . .”
“Oh right!” I mumbled absentmindedly, my finger tapping my chin. “I remember having a crush on you as well.”
“Well, this. . . this isn’t the right time to t-talk about, erm things like that,” she said. “We should be thinking of what to do now.”
“What can you remember aside from having a crush on Taeyeon?” Kang asked.
“Hey!” Taeyeon protested.
I saw the smile playing at the corners of Kang’s lips and I can’t help but remember the times he used to do that to tell me that he got my back. He used to be my accomplice and I usually escape Dad’s scolding because of him. It was also the same look he wears everytime I tease Taeyeon before until she’s burning red from anger, annoyance or embarrassment.
For a moment, I don’t really want to know what’s going on. For a moment, I only want to go back to what was before. For a moment, I want to talk about those happy memories. For a moment, I don’t really want to know who I really am and what’s wrong with me. Why can’t I remember everything? For a moment, it seemed not to matter.
I was with the people I cared about, at least that I can remember and I know they care about me as well. If only Dara was here. . . at the thought of my firefly, the need to know I really am, my past got stronger.
“I want to know what’s going on,” I said. “All I can remember is a tunnel; that I was running through a dark tunnel because someone was trying to get me.”
Kang took a deep breath. “You to understand, Master that we –”
I winced. “I prefer to be called by my name.”
He paused for a moment and a smile tugged at the corner of his lips. “I’ll tell you what I know, what we know but I would ask a thing or two in return.”
I frowned. “What is it?”
“Listen,” he said. The way he said the word held a hidden message, held so much meaning than what the word was supposed to mean. Without anything to say, I just nodded.
“My family has served the Kwons for God knows how long. I grew up in this place, I grew up with your father and his brother. I used to be his personal attendant when he was still a kid. I was older than him, of course. Your father was a good kid, although he can be bit naughty at times but in general, he was good. Since he was the eldest, of course, it was already expected he’s going to inherit majority of what your family owns, as well as leading the company your family built. Your grandfather owns a shipping line. Of course, to preserve the name and wealth, most rich family arranges marriage to an equally rich family. Your father was arranged to marry Yoo Jin, a very pretty lady from a rich and decent family as well. At that time, it caused a problem as Yoo Jin was in a relation with your. . . your uncle. They were in love but then, your uncle was forced to break up with her. I heard your uncle and your grandfather arguing one night that the old man will disinherit him if he’s going to insist his relationship with Yoo Jin. Your father, of course, argued as well and tried to talk to your grandfather, to find a different woman for him to marry. But the old man was quite firm in his choice.
Yoo Jin protested as well, of course. She was being forced to marry the older brother of the person she loves. I remember your father feeling bad about it, especially when his little brother ran away. Your mother and father used to act like they don’t know each other, like they don’t exist. I don’t know how it happened, but things started to change after a year of their marriage. Mind you, they’ve been married for a year but your father said they haven’t touched nor kissed, except during the wedding.
Since I was always with your father, I started noticing the changes. They seem to notice each other’s presence, they started acknowledging each other as well. Sooner or later, they started falling for each other until your mother eventually got pregnant with you.
When you were born, the second young master came back. He started pursuing your mother again but it was too late, your mother was already in love with your father. The three of you pictured a perfect family – good looking parents and an equally adorable son.”
My heart was beating hard against my chest. I’m starting to remember now and it was causing dull pain in my head. I remember my father being a contributor to the creation of the patent of a well-known brand of phone while my mother was a chemist. I remember talking about them in an activity in school. I remember being proud to show off how my father got lots and lots and lots of boats, yes, those were my words when I was a kid. I also remember how I used to say that my father make television and phones while my mother got her own laboratory where most of the branded medicine were being ordered.
Slowly, it was as if the pieces of the jigsaw puzzle started to create a picture in my head.
“Your father died in an accident just after your birthday,” Kang went on. “Everyone mourned; your mother was especially distraught. Your uncle took over the shipping line as well as the innovation company your father built. Three months after your father’s death, your uncle had an argument with your grandfather. A week after that, your grandparents were killed in a car accident.”
My head started to throb with pain. Flashes of hearing my mother’s screams, cries and pleads rang in my ears. Flashes of me being locked up inside the wardrobe by my mother invaded my mind. I remember hugging my knees to myself as I scooted at the far end corner of the wardrobe, alone in the darkness, hearing my uncle doing something bad to my mother while my mother begs him to stop.
Then, it’s as if I’m watching a film roll right before in front of me.
“I love you, Yoo Jin so I’m sparing your life,” I heard.
“Please. . .” my mother cried. “My son. . . my son. . .”
Laughter sounded. “Lucky kid,” he said. “Who would’ve known that my dear old brother and parents already had their last will and testament done, hmm? If not for the stupid terms of the will, that son of yours will be gone now!”
I heard more sobs from my mother.
“Huh!” he grunted. “But too bad for him, he live that long as well, would he? Say, the will said that if Jiyong dies before reaching the age of 21, everything will be left to some ing orphanage no matter what the cause of his death! But if he’ll be able to pass the age of 21, alive, he’ll inherit everything. Now what kind of a will is that?!? Tell me, Yoo Jin!”
“Why are you doing this?”
“This should’ve been mine! All of it! And you! You’re supposed to be mine!”
My head was going to explode. The ringing in my ears got louder and louder and it was painful.
“Jiyong!” the voices around me echoed. “What’s happening?”
“What’s going on?”
I can sense them hovering around me, trying to figure out what’s going on. I don’t want them to see me like this but I can’t tell them to go away as the pain in my head was just too much for me to bear. I wish Dara was here. I wish she’s. . .
Everything then went black.
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